They Call Me Mastadon Cuz I Got The Trunk In The Front

I love television. And I have loved tv for a long time.

Growing up, there were some classics like Transformers, Thundercats, X-men and the old school Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - just to name a few.

All of those shows have disappeared now, and while they may have shown up in one way or another, they have all pretty much run their course as cartoons. But there's one show that still kicking (somehow) - Power Rangers. According to imdb.com there are 37 different versions of this show! 37! Plus there's been a couple movies!

What in the hell is that? This show wasn't even good when it first started - how is it still around. That said, who didn't watch at least a few episodes of Power Rangers. Maybe you kinda had a thing for the Pink Ranger? Even dressed up like them for Halloween?

I digress...why am I talking about the Power Rangers? Because someone has taken the time to dub over a Power Rangers video with all kinds of ridiculous phrases. This video has been retitled the "Gangsta Crizzab." Pay attention to the black ranger as he's easily the funniest.

The video itself is definitely SFW (it's just Power Rangers footage) but the words are definitely not. You're gonna need some headphones for this one. And prolly, shouldn't let the kids listen to it. My favorite part starts at like 2:20.



"Which one of ya'll gonna toss my salad!"

I uploaded the short version of this myself (I think its the funny part because the rest is just repitition, and yes I know its not on YouTube.com - they've let me down too many times. So, I went to JumpCut. Did you know that you can cut and post the video in like three steps? Awesome), but if you want more you can watch the full version here.

Also, if you enjoyed X-Men growing up, you may enjoy this clip - it's from the same group that made the Power Rangers clip. It is again really long, but you can get the jist of it from the first minute or so.

The thing that's so cool about this is that this Internets video caused such a stir that the directors of X-Men 3 actually decided to include it in the movie, obviously starting the chain of events that would lead to Samuel L. Jackson telling me that he's tired of these mother [censored] snakes! I've included the clip from X-Men 3 below in case you don't remember.

Time For...

The Random Jack Bauer Fact of the Week

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Watch 24.

That is all.

Update...this is not the only post I wrote today. I actually posted Monday Means... as well. I just left this seperate to reinforce its importance.

Monday Means...

...its time for a weekend recap:

Nothing happened. Except someone stole my leather jacket from the bar we were at this weekend. Honestly, who just picks a coat off of the back of a chair. The only thing that could make me feel better is a good skeet throwing pic. Fortunately, the Spurs beat the Lakers this weekend and I got a good one.



Tough break for that guy...good break for me. The Spurs victory combined with that pic (and a few looks at the Diddy pic from Friday and the new look Wheezy's blog) made me realize there's not much I can do about it.

In other sports news, I watch women's tennis. I actually enjoy it (as compared to the WNBA - I actually asked my friends to allow me to add the WNBA to the death pool, even though its not a person, so I could have a financial interest in the WNBA's death). Anyway, this chick,



smoked this chick,



for the Austrialian Open. Serena still scares the bejesus out of me. That said, Maria's grunt may be the most ludicrous thing in tennis:



Amelie Mauresmo (the one who looks like a man) said:

As though her screaming on the court isn’t distracting enough but then she has to do it everywhere else, too. She’ll pick up her bag – ‘Eeeee-ahhh’ – then open the zipper – ‘Mmmm-baaaa’ – then put it back down again – ‘Ruh-oooh.’ Completely absurd. And that’s just one example. But the worst part is in the bathroom, no doubt. It’s gotten to the point that if I see her heading for a stall I leave the locker room for a while. I’d listen to my iPod, but I can hear her grunting over top of that even.

This is Mauresmo:



Sounds like a little frustration and a little jealousy - from a man that can't win in the the freaking women's tennis league.

Anyway, hope you had a better weekend than me. In either case, I'm sure you heard all about Michael Vick and the "Weed In A Bottle" issue. If you didn't, you don't follow sports, so click the link. They talked about it on SNL and it was kinda funny. On a side note, I think I'm kinda biased against SNL right now (despite the genious of Dick In A Box, so I'm not sure if its really funny and I'm missing out or if its just kinda funny. Anyway, here it is:

The Office: Pam Vs. Karen

It's a casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower. Since it's Friday, let's get right to business. Just like Diddy.

Well, OK, let's take a second to check out this picure. Well done, Diddy. Not only are you looking at what everyone else is looking at, but you made it cool by getting it caught on camera. Because if you do it, it's cool to do it. Just like Proactiv solution. And that' cool because you use it to preserve your sexy, right?



Damn! Maybe I should get me some of that Proactiv. Get me some of that silky, smooth, cocoa butter skin! Well, it would probably be silky, smooth, white chocolate skin. Same thing. Also, what in the hell is going on in that room? Is that a sweat shop in a hotel/apartment/office building? Who is that short minority man? Is Diddy wasted or is this just an edgy Proactiv commercial? Is this how he spent the $3 million he got for promoting Proactiv? Now I'm confused.

Anyway, let's actually get to business. Something I'm not confused about is how much I love 24 - I talk about that damn show all of the time. It's my BCS #1 for television shows right now. However, one show I don't talk about enough it my BCS #2 show: The Office. The show is genious.

So genious, in fact, that it has split its fan base. There is a battle between fans over who is better Pam Beesly or Karen Filippelli.

The battle is so important that you can buy t-shirts - and let me tell you about t-shirts: Sororities make them for every important event, so if there is a t-shirt, it is important.


I'm on the Karen side. Pam blew her shot. And Karen's dad was prolly a GI. I'm not sure why that should change things, but it does. And she has a ha-uge mouth. That may be a negative, I'm not sure.

Anyway, all the girls I know are on Team Pam, whereas most of the dudes are on Team Karen. Coincidence? Hell no.

So, if you're not watching The Office, you should watch it. That said, rather than showing you a clip from The Office, I thought I'd show you a clip of some Outtakes and Bloopers. Some of them are really funny and it shows how much "improv" goes into the show. It's a long one (8ish minutes) so make sure you have the time.

I Am Shocked. And Hurt...Stuff on the Internets Might Be Fake?

You may have noticed I haven't posted the last couple of days. This can be attributed to two things:

1. I promised myself not make blogging become something I have to do. I'm really, really lazy, so sometimes writing a blog can seem like a lot of work - even if its just posting a video.


2. I participated in an online poll the other day and when it conluded, I got this message:

This poll is not scientific and reflects the opinions of only those Internet users who have chosen to participate. The results cannot be assumed to represent the opinions of Internet users in general nor the public as a whole.

Not only do they have several typos (it Internets, you idiots), this message effectively is telling me that polls on the Internet don't matter. Polls don't matter! Polls...don't matter? You might as well tell me that Justin didn't bring sexy back, James Blunt isn't really Steve Nash (have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time?) and OJ murdered Nicole Brown and the generic dude.

Anyway, the emotional stress I was under forced me not to post for a couple days. I took a couple days to consider whether I should stop blogging or possibly stop using the Internets all together.

Then, I heard Fergie's new song no the radio, Glamorous. And I realized that she really sucks at making music. I think she just spells words and talks about herself in everyone of her damn songs. Last time it was "D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S" and the horribly misspelled "T to the A to S-T-E-Y" (she is really struggling at life at this point). Now she's spelling something else in her new song. Undoubtedly, its wrong. If we can learn anything from Fergie its not spelling, rather, its what meth can do to a once hot body. Honestly, Fergie, you look like hell. And that's Bush. Bush league.

So, as you can tell, I stopped being a little biatch and I wrote about it.

Anyway, as you know, I like to leave you on a positive note here at the Skeet Thrower. So, I'm going to leave you with a funny James Blunt parody "I'm Emotional." Its pretty good. It can get kinda long, but, hey, this guy's life is a trainwreck - there's only so much he can do.



Just to let you know, all of the links are SFW. You should know that the first James Blunt link is there just so you know what James Blunt looks like. The Nash one's were tv spots during last year's playoffs.

Monday + Man Crush = 24

It's Monday, and now that Monday Night Football is no longer on TV, it means that 24 (or, if you're a hoser from Canada, "24-hour countdown") is the dominant program on Monday nights. So, that means today would be a great day to talk about 24.

If you haven't seen this year's 24 (and I'm not sure why you would not have seen it because I have talked about 24 a ton here) and you plan to watch it in the future, you might want to skip down if you want to avoid semi-spoilers...

Begin Spoilers

- Curtis, aka, Black Tony, his recent actions notwithstanding, was the shit.

- Wayne Palmer was bold in season 3 and season 5. This nambly, pambly President Logan bullshit is not like him.

- How come they had to kill one dominant black character this season and make the other one a wuss?

End Spoilers

Anyway, someone emailed me this site last week and I thought I would pass it along to you:

Jack Bauer Kill Count

It details by season and episode how Jack killed people on 24. Even better, it provides photo and video evidence. It is freaking awesome. I linked to season 5, but exercise caution because if you click on season 6, you may see kills from episodes you haven't seen yet. I guess that applies to any of the seasons, but if you love 24 like me, you'll enjoy this.

And yes, I have man crush on Jack Bauer. He's BCS number 1 in the man crush category. Right in front of Will Smith. Bauer is so good, 24 is known as "24 Inmortal" in Mexico. Now I don't speak Spanish, but clearly they think Bauer is an immortal being and have renamed the show as such.

Speaking of Espanol. Here is a video of Ron Burgandy singing his version of "Spanish Lady"



OK, back to 24. I'll leave you with these two (2) clips.

1) I'm not sure what this advertisement is for, but I want it.


2) I guess if you're bored with 24 (what?!) you could use the Jack Bauer Drinking Game:


Throw in "trust me" and the look of death and you'd be wasted about 10 minutes into every hour. It might be more effective than that damn "Take a Shot Everytime Chevy's 'This Is Our Country' Commercial Comes On" drinking game. I hate that commercial.

Finally, every Monday during 24, I'll leave you with a Bauerism. My Monday posts won't usually be about 24, but once in a while is ok. Anyway, here's to you Jack Bauer.

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

In other news, I watched a lot of tennis this weekend. I saw this chick and then I saw her picture.



I think we can now move Serena Williams into the Suge Knight All-Stars who's motto is "If I run into you in the streets, I'm running the other way."

UUUHHHGGG-rrrr! means Tom Brady

It's a casual dress Friday, and its been one (1) week since I formally announced my intentions to drop 10-15 L-B's. I'm happy to report to you that I'm down 2 pounds. At this rate, I will be manorexic by February. Not to mention that I feel really gay monitoring my weight and reporting it to everyone else. Gay times.

Speaking of gay times, let's talk about American Idol. Now before you go get in a tussle, I'm not saying you're gay if you watch American Idol. I just want to calrify a few things.

Inherently, this show is not really a dude's show, but a lot of guys watch it. I wouldn't say its gay to watch it, but let's set down some ground rules:

1. If you're watching it with a significant other/family - you're ok.


2. If you're watching it because you're significant other/family is going to talk about it and you need to know what they're talking about - you're ok.


3. If you're looking forward to it all week - you're probably a little gay.


4. If you've been looking forward to it since last May - you're probably pretty gay.


5. If you vote as many times as you can every week from multiple different locations - you know you're gay already.

Of course, this only applies to guys and probably only counts once the real show starts. All of this intro BS (you know, with a lot of generic people that suck), that's probably ok to watch because there are some good times. Plus Paula Abdul is a train wreck.

Why all of the talk about American Idol? Because I saw this clip of a woman singing a song from The Wizard of Oz. Now, I haven't seen TWOZ (see what I did there?) since I was little so I really don't remember any of the songs, but when I walked into the middle of this performance, I thought this chick was imitating a half-man/half-wookie.

Anyway, here is the video of the Wookie woman (you will not be gay if you watch this clip).



All kinds of the good things in that video. First, she says she can "do" the lion (I'm not sure what that means). Second, she may have been reading directly from this blog. I'm not sure though. Also, the poster rejection is awesome. Plus, Jewel (who would be smoking hot if not for her messed up grill) is there, and that's always good times.

In other music news that is also slightly gay, I bring you this video about Tom Brady. This is a Kissing Suzy Kolber production (like yesterday), so it follows the same format (scrolling pictures with a song in the background), but this one is easily 1000x funnier than the Rexy Back one from yesterday. It is SFW and you really, really need headphones to enjoy the song along with the plethora a pictures.



How about that love ballad, huh?

Yeaaaaaah, I wanna help you reach completion
...
...
...
...rating highest in the the league!

If only it was sung by the Wookie chick. Someone on the internets needs to make that for me.

Brad-LLRRRR-rrrRRR-y

So let's recap: weight discussion, American Idol, hairy things and a Tom Brady love song. Nope, no gayness here. Not at all. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Have a good weekend.

Brady....