Friday, March 23, 2007

Casual Dress Friday: The BCS Bottom Five

It's a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower, and I'm still recovering from the 3 amazing games last night. 3 of the 4 were brilliant. Plus Kobe aka Mamba dropped 60 points last night. An all around good night of basketball.

But you didn't come herrrrre to talk about basketball (unless you got a Basketball Jones), you came here for what I promised you last week - The BCS Bottom Five. I've changed the name from BCS Most Hated mainly because I don't like the word hate I think its a better name.

As always, there are a few rules to this:

The Rules:

  1. You must be a woman or a really girly man (not to be confused with a grizzly man).

  2. You must be a celebrity or, at least, someone that I'll prolly not talk to. Furthermore, it has to be someone - not a whole group of people. You can't just go all Tim Haradway on a group of people lest something like this might happen.

  3. The person can be fictional (from now on known as "The Jack Bauer Rule"); however, if a character makes it into the Bottom Five, you are allowed to hate the real person under that same category.

  4. Generally, you are a person that I would root against in the game of life.

And that's it. A little more complicated than the BCS Man Crush List, but not to hard (honestly, if you can't get it, I'm surprised you've made it this far).

On to the list...

The BCS Bottom Five

5. Dr. Meredith Grey aka Ellen Pompeo

She's always been kind of a shady biatch but Ms. Pompeo takes it to a whole new level on Grey's Anatomy. She is like a bad mix between the Gilmore Girls and an old aunt that won't shut the hell up at a family gathering. Do you know that she's almost 40? Not that that's ungodly old, but she's supposed to be like 25. I hope to God my doctor friend doesn't ever meet anyone like her because I think he'd shoot himself in the face and then I wouldn't have anyone to give me a prostate exam in the future.

I have quit watching this show (not that I really watched it to begin with), but when Meredith was in the coma/purgatory/death world, I was hoping she wouldn't wake up. Random fact, did you know she was in Daredevil? That movie sucked.

4. Joan Cusack

I don't even know why I don't like you, I just don't. You're like some crazy mix between Lara Flynn Boyle and Skeletor (that one prolly has some NSFW language but is good to go with headphones and worth the watch). And I hate your damn cell phone commercials (this one being my worst nightmare). Who is going to buy US Cellular, and, more importantly, what marketing genious was like - "You know who'd be great for this spot? Joan mother f-ing Cusack, that's who!" I bet they're unemployed now. For some reason, you annoy me in every movie you are in. I wish you would have tagged the filing cabinet in this clip. You are way better in Spanish because you don't talk. Please go away.

3. Rosie O'Donnell

I didn't like your talk show before and I don't like you on "The View." Also, you perpetuate the stereotype that box-eaters are less like porn stars and more like rectangles, and that makes me sad. You know that someone is annoyning when an Asian rapper remixes one of the best hip-hop dis songs of all-time to attack you:

Rosie, you are annoying and the only reason you didn't end up higher on this list is because you give such good fodder to The Soup. I hope you get stuck hanging upside down causing you to pass out, leading to your dog coming up and peeing on your face.

2. Fergie

Speeking of pee on the face, Fergie is next on the list. I can usually handle an annoying pop jingle or two, especially if you're hot (that means you Beyonce - but don't keep pushing me), but for some reason, Fergie, you push me over the edge. It is prolly because this is you:

That meth really wore on you, huh? I swear to God if you make one more damn song where all you do is talk about yourself and spell, I am going to find Josh Duhamel and hypnotize him into telling you go to Derkaderkastan. If he does that without me hypnotizing him then he will move up into the BCS Man Crush List (just so you know, Josh). In other news, here is a really old video of Fergie.

1. Sandra Oh

Oh, how I hate you Sandra Oh. We have a long relationship, you and I. I hate you now (you and your character on Grey's Anatomy) and I hated you then (on Arli$$).

I wish words could express how much I despise you. Everytime I watch Grey's Anatomy, I hope something weird happens to you like you get punched in the face, making you stumble backwards onto a food cart that is being roled into a patient's room that happens to feature Rosie O'Donnell (who is making a guest appearance as a patient) at which point you are immediately devoured by her, food cart and all. Cuz, Lord knows Rosie devours food like a bear. That would be awesome.

Also, did you know Sandra Oh is Canadian? It just keeps getting worse for her. Fortunately, I'm not the only one who has a strong dislike for Sandra Oh.

Here is the only funny clip of Sandra Oh:

I like it because she doesn't talk. And that its not really her.

...and that's the list, now you know who I dislike. Everyone else I'm cool with, except for...

The Just Missed List:

- Sherry Palmer. She was on the first 3 seasons of 24 and was number 1 on my first ever BCS Bottom Five. She's fallen out of contention because she's not on 24 anymore and I don't really hate the actress (mainly because I don't know who the actress is). Damnit, Sherry was a shady. I wish Jack would have vampire killed her. The way she leaves the show was easily one of the most satisfying parts of Season 3.

- Reba McEntire. You may wonder why in the hell she makes the list. It's because my wife is always watching her damn show whenever I come home from work. Something about this show annoys me so damn much, I want to break my brand new tv (but then I realize that's crazy). There's just something about it....damn you, Reba!

- Trang Ho. You don't know who this is and it is impossible to Google for her in any respectible manner, but take my word, she is annoying. This is an actual Vietnamese or Brazillian...I don't know person from my MBA classes at Nebraska. I know I just violated a rule (#2), but honestly everytime this person talks I want to punch her right in the Trang Ho. Just think of the most annoying person you know, double it and then you have the Trang Ho. That said, she doesn't make the list for two reasons: 1) She violates rule #2 and 2) I had a very small interaction window with her (although that should let you know how potent she is).

Speaking of Trang Ho, here is a nice video from somewhere in Asia. You may have seen this floating around the Internets this week, so I am sorry I didn't get it to all of you last week (I was busy). It is SFW, but the product being advertised is Bukkake Milk, so take that as it is.

Feline Disrespect From Behind!

Also, on a semi-related note, check out Adam's comment the other day listing his BCS Man-Crush list. As an update, he drafted Teahen in the 16th round (only one off of my prediction).

Have a good weekend.


D Wheezy said...

You mistagged the "Skeletor" link in Joan Cusack's section.

Also you mistakenly linked clips from MadTV at least twice.

Double M said...

Damnit! Too many links...

Here's the real Skeletor link.

Also, I only linked to Mad TV because it is a Bottom Five post. Turns out that show sucks more than Reba.

Will said...

How about a word for Fergie destroying a once decent hip hop group? Behind the Front is still one of my favorite hip hop albums. I completely blame her for any of BEP's recent transgressions.