Casual Dress Friday: Construda and Some Koolaid

It's a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower and you may have noticed a few changes around here. Most notably, there's a new sweet graphic at the top of the Skeet Thrower, brought to you by my boy Wheezy. I love it. Gracias, senior.

There's going to be a few more changes over the next week leading up to a pretty hefty overhaul by the 200th post. If you check in the late night (our animation has really improved since then, huh.), you may see the blog in shambles - that's when I'm doing the work. Don't worry, it will all be better by the morning (or a couple hours - whatever is first).

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Anyway, over the past week I have participated in 3 fantasy football drafts. Three (Holy nuts! Call me Paul Ruud from Knocked Up). Fortunately there's either 10 or 12 teams in each league, so the research I do should be applicable across all of my leagues, so the Skeet Thrower shouldn't suffer. Of course, fantasy drafts (none of which were in person, by the way - proving that this Craigslist entry was not for me) mean one thing - the NFL is around the corner. And that means its time for some wacky NFL news. But rather than rehash some worn-out Michael Vick story lines or make fun of another Bengal getting arrested, I wanted to take a look at one of the good guys in the NFL: Lawrence "Koolaid" Maroney. Why Koolaid you ask? Because of this picture:



If you can't figure it out from the picture, that's a Koolaid emblem at the bottom of his chain. Lawrence Koolaid Maroney is also his name on his (possibly fake) TheFacebook.com page where his quotes include:

“wash u ass”
“bout time we got some construda in dis [redacted]”
"Your ass backwards if you chase hoes, chase the cheese they come with the shit."

So maybe this detracts from the whole "good guy in the NFL" thing, but I made that up anyway. With respect to his comments, I was intrigued, as I had no clue what construda was. So, I turned to the definitive source - UrbanDictionary. Unfortunately, they did not have any information. Now, there are several entries (and a blog), none of which really seem to adequately define Construda. Guess I'll have to go to my rugged sources on that one. In the meantime, here's a peewee versus mascot football game where the Atlanta Falcon mascot (I assume) decides to make up for all of Vick's animal cruelty on some kids.



Special thanks to Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber for the football related links and pics.

A Summer Vacation

Holy nuts! A Thursday post! Well, this one couldn't wait. It is The Office's summer vacation summary. If you were wondering what happened to Jimmy and Team Karen, you're questions are answered.



That's right, ladies and gentlemen - Team Karen has failed. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I was a huge Team Karen fan, but after Team Pam made her case so brilliantly in Blades of Glory (NSFWish) I was torn. If you ask me, this clip was funnier than all of the accountant skits last summer but not as weird as this video.



And if you're complaining about a Thursday post (and I'm not sure why you're reading it if you're complaining), understand that I was so excited when I found this video, I immediately wrote a post. Besides, The Office is on Thursdays, so this video in on a Thursday. Stop Whining.

I Am A Real (US) American*

You may have heard that Hulk Hogan's son drove like a chick derka and crashed his car. It apparently is pretty serious (as compared to idiot, Eddie Griffin). So, what better way to cheer the Hulkster (NSF Anyone) up, than to celebrate some of the best clips of a Real US American (if you have 3 minutes, that is a true must watch - the video rivals David Hasselhoff's - and, perhaps sadly, I have listened to Hulk's video like 8 times straight while writing this). Let's begin - countdown please:



Ok, that wasn't so much of a countdown as it was a singing of the days of the week, but what do you expect from Hulk. The man has wrestled so much (and been on roids so long) - you can't expect him to know the difference between a countdown and the days of the week. But I digress, it seems that Hulk's career has been filled with all sorts of ridiculousness, like appearances on talk shows (do you remember when wrestlers used to be guests on Arsenio.) The best part of that Hulk/Arsenio clip may be the fact that Hulk says that Arsenio will be around for a long time and that Letterman sucks. He really should lay off the roids (and apparently the man meat). Of course, at times it was Hulk's ridiculous statements that made him endearing and hilarious (well, that and the fact that he was being serious). For instance, take this interview with Randy Savage, who may or may not be a hobo.



If you're like me, you spent that entire video hoping that one of those guys didn't blow a muscle/blood vein/have a brain aneurysm. Anyway, lucky for both Hulk's dignity and us, it wasn't just Hulk that said ludicrous things. Take this scene from his movie "No Holds Barred."



Weren't Hulk's movie roles/cameos the best. By the way, if you're counting, that's two Hulk music video links in one day (three if you count that days of the week/fake countdown thing). I don't know if you watched that second one, but it was broadcast from one of the WWF talk shows they used to have - with the worst acting ever (yes, worse than Hulk's). How did the WWF survive? Anyway, all these videos have made me hungry. Fortunately, Hulk can help me out with that as well.



Strange, I don't remember seeing Pastamania the last time I was in the Mall of America...

* Yes, this is a reference to one of the most ridiculous and over-covered stories. If you haven't seen the video of Miss South Carolina (Miss Teen USA 3rd-place finisher!), click here. She must have listened to Hulk's video as well.

Casual Dress Friday: Avril, I Wish I Could Quit You

Its a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower and I know that some of you that aren't basketball fans are thinking to yourselves "Thank God it is summer - Double M won't be able to talk about basketball for like another 3 months." Well, if that's the case - you apparently forgot about the FIBA Americas Championship. I'll be honest - FIBA is worthless (and not to be confused with FILA - they use different rules, the refs are atrocious and, worst of all, their mascot is on the right. I have no clue what that is. It looks like the Veggie Cookie Monster (you'll have that in your head all day if you watch it) with a bunch of bananas on his head. I have nothing really to say about the basketball that is being played - the US should win handily - I just wanted you to see this ridiculous mascot.

Anyway, just over about two months ago, I cut Avril out of my life. Turns out, I just can't do it. I still hate that song Girlfriend. but just the other day I heard Complicated on the radio. And I listened...and I sung...I couldn't give up one of my guilty pleasures. So, I went home and downloaded the new album.

And now she's got that new song out (When You're Gone). Its nice. Its no Sk8r Boi, but I don't change the radio station when it comes on. I'd post the video, but its kinda depressing and we can't have that here. So for now, you can be happy, Avril. I'm uncrossing you out of my life. I still don't know how I feel about your new stuff, but I love your old stuff.

(That's a pretty good break for her too, considering Avril has dyed her hair blonde, stole music for a shitty song (and is getting sued for it), made music for a shitty movie and placed behind some band named McFly (sadly, not Marty), who apparently do a mean Queen cover, in The Best Band in the World Contest. You've really climbed back down that ladder of success, huh, Avril. Thank goodness she had some Mad TV rungs to break while she was falling down that ladder. Wait...)



On a side note, how is Mad TV still on the air? Who is watching it?


Apparently now, Avril likes to get drunk and get naked. How is this different from you and me (or maybe just me, I don't know)? She made Complicated. Its like Thriller only for teenage girls...and me.

She does look a bit weird with that pink streak in her hair - I'm not quite sure what that is. Must be a Canadian thing. Anyway, looking at her dress, I'm guessing she's starting to get a little more promiscuous, and that's good news, because maybe her agent will be able to push her away from cameo roles on shows like Mad TV, towards racier cameos like appearances in this slushee commercial.



I'm not sure where racy commercials ranks in terms of huge career moves, but its gotta be better than Mad TV.

Has It Really Been Over A Week?

Yes, it appears it has. So, here's what happened - I had a funny post written last week, and then the power died at work. I lost like 15 minutes of work, said I would get to it later but never did. Suddenly, it was Friday, so I wrote a SuperBad post, which I posted and then pulled immediately because it had like 5 clips from the movie, and, honestly, I was afraid they might have been the only funny parts so I didn't want to ruin it for you people. Fortunately, the movie was freaking hilarious (albeit a bit crude - I wouldn't recommend it for mi madre). I highly recommend it - I think it was better than Knocked Up. Back to my excuses - this weekend, my brother graduated, so my parents flew into town and stayed with me. Finally, I played a lot of Wii, but thanks to some bullshit from Super Mario Strikers Charged, I'm finally off of my Wii high.

Anyway, I finally decided to finish the post from last week. It is posted below.

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My boy Wheezy may not remember this, but on the first weekend of college my freshman year, a guy named Fatback was introducing me to a bunch of people he knew in the dorms. When he introduced me to Wheezy, he called him one of the funniest guys he knew. Wheezy then proceeded to show me a video of him and his friends doing some ridiculously choreographed wooden sword fight, which they did solely because they had long wood...en swords. Why am I talking about this? Because of this video.



What in the hell is this? Wheezy's video was clearly the case of a couple guys being goofy. These people, however, are running around doing some real-life world of warcraft shit, or something like that. I think someone trying to use a ho (SFW) as a weapon. You do this when your like 8 not 18-35. Also, as recklessly as these people are swinging their swords, they apparently have never seen this video (some NSFW language).



For some reason, that video reminds me of a more ridiculous version of the Dodgeball instructional video and this ridiculous German Forklift video that is a must watch if you have never seen it. Its long, but worth it (that's what she said).



If you're counting, that's two ridiculous videos featuring someone's hand getting cut-off. If that craziness is too much for you, perhaps some real-life weirdness is what you need. Here's a video where you see John Stamos' weird, and I mean weird, belly button (as a bonus, you also get Tom Selleck's and Conan's belly buttons).

Wii + Birthday + Olympics = No Posting

So here's how my life has gone since Wednesday:

Thursday: Work until late, then go buy the last Wii in Lincoln. Unable to play Wii because I worked in my wife's classroom until 11:30.

Friday: Took the dog to the vet, paid a bunch of bills, went car shopping and played some Wii and some DS. Then my wife and her friend threw me and a friend a surprise birthday party. Good times.

Saturday: Car shopping then Beer Olympics (which took all day).

Sunday: Sleep and work in Shorty's classroom. Then play some Wii at night.

What does all of this mean? Unfortunately, I'm behind on the Internets and am short on posts. Sorry. I won't leave you without a video (two actually) today. Here's evidence that Joakim Noah still can't dance.



He should prolly just go ahead and take a cue from this chick (I love that Kanye's remix of that Daft Punk song, by the way). In other news, here is a kid that is trying to follow in Noah's footsteps.



Looks like he'll have to work on the athletics a little bit.

Give Me the Gold

Before I get going today, I want to thank everyone for the birthday wishes (I even got a birthday post). It seems like just yesterday that I was writing this post thanking everyone for my birthday last year. On a side note, there's a good Siete de Augusto (that's my birthday in Spanish) reference after Flight of the Conchords sing in this video.

Now that I'm 24, I decided that I would look back over some older videos to see if I still thought they were funny, even though I'm a year older. So, yesterday I watched a bunch of older videos - turns out they are still funny. One that I laughed at really hard for some reason is the Leprechaun video.



Undoubtedly, almost everyone has seen that and the corresponding music video. I want the gold. These people are crazy and they are from the south, and, since I grew up in the south, I knew there had to be more crazy videos on the internets about people from the south. Sufficiently distracted (the guy in that video used to be a big-shot with Diddy - he's fallen off big-time), I began searching for something. Lo and behold, I came across James the narcoleptic tree cutter.



I'm not sure whether that's funny or scary. Ok, let's be honest - that's hilarious. How can you not be dead if you're narcoleptic (the dog in that video is named Skeeter!) and you climb trees? How has he not cut off his leg/arm/head yet? These are the questions that we need to have answered and whenever I can't figure something out, I turn to people who are older than I to help me solve the question. Of course, I'm not really sure who to turn to when I find out that my elders made/watched this movie.



First of all, let's get something straight. I don't turn to people that are older than me, I turn to the Internets. Second, what is that movie? Who OK'd that title? I guess that was supposed to be a comedy movie. Here's the IMDB plot summary:

Two black bounty hunters ride into a small town out West in pursuit of an outlaw. They discover that the town has no sheriff, and soon take over that position, much against the will of the mostly white townsfolk. They raise hell, chase women, and milk the locals for cash, while waiting for the opportunity to get their man.

My favorite part of that clips is when Fred Williamson kisses that chick and says "That's to satisfy your curiosity." Well done, sir - curiosity satisfied.