It's Not Like I Get Anything Done Anyway...

Yesterday started the least productive work week in business (ironic because I got more done yesterday than I had in the previous 2 weeks combined) and its all thanks to the NCAA Tournament.

What other sporting event causes the whole business world to just slow down like this? Sure, people talk about a lot of football, but pretty much everything happens on the weekends; NCAA Basketball has the ability to completely demolish two full work days this week alone (God bless March Madness On Demand). Not to mention its mystical power to make people who haven't watched one college basketball game this year become tournament experts...

Anyway, I'll refrain from giving you a thorough run-down of the tourney as I have in the past, instead today I'll give you a clusterf--k of information that may help you when making your tourney decisions.

First: Kansas always chokes. I always pick them to go a long way in my bracket and they always, always jack everything up. On the plus side, it can lead to interviews like this. But if you want a real reason why you can't pick Kansas this year its because of this highlight:



Its clear by watching this highlight that something (karma, God, Satan) has it in for Kansas. That dude just fell out of the air. On a side note, that highlight makes me laugh everytime. I'm gonna dunk it...oh derka!

Next, you're gonna hear a lot of people cabalgar las nueces de Joakim Noah. A little tidbit for you: he's not that good. He's also kind of a baby.

Want further proof? Here's a clip of him dancing.



Here's the last NBA player that danced that poorly:



Do you know who that is? Probably not unless you follow the Association. NBA players just don't dance that poorly. That should be enough proof that he's not that good - he is just ok. On a side note Al McGuire's dance at the end of that clip is awesome.

Moving on, you may have heard about Greg Oden and Kevin Durrant. Turns out they're pretty good. And Oden has been playing without his right hand all year (he broke his wrist earlier in the year), but in the Big 10 tourney he started using his right hand again and he dominated. Just saying. If these two ended up on the same team, you could put me, my dog and my grandpa that just had heart surgery out there and we would win.

Speaking of Greg Oden, the number one tidbit you should consider:


Central Connecticut State's head coach is named Howie Dickenman. I'm not kidding. The best part may have been that once I figured that fact out I did a careful Google search for him and saw this as the teaser for his bio:

"Entering his 11th season as the head coach at his alma mater, Howie Dickenman is the second-longest..."

Honestly, who doesn't change that last name. Its Dick-In-Man! Holy nuts! I hope he has a cousin named "Terry Boxenmouth." What are Dickenman family reunions like? Does he know Kyle Sackrider?

You may be asking what Dickenman has to do with Greg Oden...well, tough break for Dickenman and his boys because they are stuck playing Ohio State in the first round. Pretty much a loss (I have it that way in my bracket). But if there has to be one bracket buster, I hope its this one so I can hear the phrase/word Dick-In-Man as many times as possible on TV during this week. I'm already not getting anything done - might as well make it comical.

In fact, anytime I hear someone riding Joakim Noah's cod piece over the next few weeks I'm going to call it Dickenmaning him. I'm taking that phrase global.