Wednesday, June 06, 2007

I Know Some Guys That Can Lift More Than Kevin Durrant

I have said it repeatedly - TV in the summer sucks (and that sucks for someone who loves TV as much as me). The lack of TV forces me to watch things that I wouldn't normally watch. For instance, last weekend, while there was nothing on TV (or my DVR), I sat through 30 minutes of the Spanish broadcast of WWE Raw. That's how bad its gotten. I'm watching TV I can't even understand. Of course, the story lines of WWE have degraded (well, as much as they could), so perhaps its for the best.

I blame this on the fact that we, collectively as a country, quit faking that wresting was real. Look, we always knew wrestling was fake, but as long as no one said anything we all acted like it was real. Wrestling was like Santa for older kids - everyone knows something isn't right, but as long as we don't really know, they'll enjoy the charade.

Back in the day, wrestling stars became celebrities, even garnering interviews on respected shows such as Arsenio Hall. Here's one featuring the Macho Man where Aresnio's whole interview is wrestling questions (of course, this may be why his talk show failed albeit not as miserably as The Magic Hour featuring Earvin "Magic/HIV" Johnson - no YouTube clips even exist of this show).

I did some research on the issue and I believe I can identify a time when WWE became ridiculous. In fact, we can blame it one one person: Batman (that link is long but really good).

  • That may be the worst "trash-talking" interview ever

  • What kind of bush league Bat-suit is Batman wearing?

  • Why does he bring up Superman and Spiderman?

  • Why is that guy's tie so short?

  • Since when does Batman use the phrase "naughty, mean person"?
That video was so ridiculously bad that I couldn't even type coherently. I had to switch to bullets. Seriously, when Batman showed up, all "credibility" that WWE/WWF had went out the window.

Of course, the true downfall of WWE is probably due my boy Hulk Hogan. Everyone loved Hulk. Probably too much. And as a result we got shows like Thunder in Paradise and movies like Mr. Nanny. Hulk single-handedly brought wrestling to fame and destroyed it. Want proof? Watch this.

So, if you smell what I'm cooking, here's how we fix this thing - we need to go back to the roots.
Step one - get some over-the-top (that's not a must watch, but its damn close) wrestlers that scare the hell out of you.
Step two - get rid of all the ludicrous (more Serena!) extra stuff - just get back to wrestling.
Step three - keep the chicks, but only as managers.
Step four - don't be gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Let's get wrestling back on track. I need something to watch...if only for the summer.

***The title is talking about future #2 pick in the NBA draft, Kevin Durrant's poor showing at the completely irrelevant NBA combine.***


D Wheezy said...

It looks like Stallone is getting fellatiated under the table during that "Over the Top" clip.

Texas Katie said...

Dude. It's Durant. Living in Austin for the almost-year, haven't you been inundated with him so much that his name is seared into your mind?

Double M said...

Turns out he loses the right to have me spell his name right when he can't lift a buck eighty-five.