Week In Recap: Life Without The Internets

I spent the weekend in the beautiful city that is San Antonio, Texas (for some not so great reasons, but we'll ignore those) but sadly I was without the Internets except on my phone for most of the time. I feel like I was disconnected from the world. Honestly, how did we ever live without the Internets? Can't we get Google to speed up the whole Internets everywhere thing?

Ok, I'll stop rexplaining something Wheezy has already done. On to the recap:

On Monday, we watched a 34-year-old fisherman perform feats of a Ninja Warrior!

Hump-day was all about chicks, culminating in us staring at Kellie Picklers breasts. I hope you went and played a few of those Liquid Generation games. In other boob news, apparently Paris Hilton got a also spent her money on some new "shoes."

I answered another question from my readers on Friday. Honestly though, you know me and you read my blog - whey are you asking me what love is?

And that was it. Seems that this week I was a little more hetero. Maybe even a little bit too masculine - I did talk a lot about boobs and tell you to do it in the butt. This clip should balance it out:



I hate soap operas...but I love telenovelas. Nothing like "un pequeno gaaaaaay" to round out last week. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Casual Dress Friday: What Is Love?

Its a casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower and during March I'm going to take the time to answer a few of the more popular questions from my readers. Last week I answered the question, who is on your BCS Man-Crush List. Today, I'll answer the question, "What is love?". But before I answer that question, I should tell you one of my life rules: Anytime I write the phrase "what is love" I am obligated to link to or show this clip:



On to the question. To answer it, I've brought in a guest who will read you a poem:



And there you go. Question answered. On a side note, the fact that there are two clips from Saturday Night Live films on one blog post may be the high point of Lorne Michaels' life. Somebody should notify him.

Right about now, you may be asking yourself - Why all of this talk about love? I didn't come to the Skeet Thrower for love. Well, I'm getting there...

The other day I texted Wheezy to tell him about the delicious sno-cone I was having. Instead of a text full of envy, I got a call back from him asking about this random blog he had stumbled upon from his stats. Now I usually try to visit every blog that links to me, but I hadn't gone to this one yet. Anyway, he was reading through it and found this post (reprinted here just in case it somehow disappears...):

Reasons I Love Random Person I Don't Know That Well

Since it's Valentine's Day this is an ode to a guy who hopefully never reads this blog. Disclaimer: This is in no way to be construed as romantic. It would be like a man crush - if I was a man.

He taught me what the box was.
He brought the party to the box and it hasn't been the same since he left.
Once in the first season of Veronica Mars someone referenced "laying pipe" and I thought about him.
Once someone told him I thought he didn't like me. His response: "What?! I don't even know this girl. See ya later Laura."
His blog turned me onto The Superficial which usually has more content per day than Tyler Durden.
I've only had jello shots he's made.
He will call you the fuck out.

Since that pretty much chronicles my life, Wheezy assumed it was me and made a comment inferring as much. Somehow that resulted in me getting called out on the Facebook.com (and I've made it pretty clear that I hardly ever look at the Facebook.com, so that meant I was pretty much defenseless). What the f--- is that. Now this is happening - I'm calling you out. That's bush league, that's what it is. Who is this chick anyway? I don't even know her...

Just kidding, Laura. See, I do know who you are. And now I've linked to your blog. And you're damn right I'm pissed about Avril.

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In other news, I'm still holding out on my Tara Reid resolution thanks to clips like this. I saw the audio version of this, but Wheezy brought me the video (so thanks Wheezy!). This is Tara Reid: Total Eclipse of the Heart.



Is there ever a time where she is not drunk? If only she was as good as this guy, I could have begun to look past my resolution.

Speaking of bad covers, I'll leave you with "The Final Countdown." I don't even have anything to say about this other than I wish I was there.



Have a good weekend.

Who Would You Do?

I usually save follow-ups for the weekend but I couldn't wait on this one. I got an IM that was pretty funny and I wanted to share it with you:

After Tuesday and last week, this is something you might enjoy:
Pacman Sno-Cone: This is when Pacman packs a stripper’s bare asscrack with crushed ice and then pees in it.

Thought that brought together a couple posts rather well.

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It's March. And you know what my favortie part of March is? That is comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.

Ok, just kidding, it is really a toss up between March Madness and MTV Spring Break. I used to love MTV Spring Break - in fact, someday when I'm loaded, I'm just going to make an MTV Spring Break channel (and by loaded I mean rich not drunk, although in this case it might need to be both). That should work out well. And yes, I know that's not a clip from MTV Spring Break a few lines back, but what am I going to show you that is even remotely SFW? Besides, this is a family website.

Anyway, remember when I talked about things that should be improved in television? Well, in the spirit of March Madness, someone has created a "Who Would You Do" tournament of sideline reporters and one of them was Andrea Kraemer. I say "was" because it turns out she got smoked (big surprise, she went against number 1 seed Erin Andrews). It's good to know other people agree with me.

I'm impressed with the dedication of Zach L - he's apparently been running a "season" of this stuff, culminating in this tourney. The tourney is underway, but it is far from over. Of note, Bonnie Bernstein escaped the dreaded 5-12 matchup with Michelle "In the Ghetto, My Last Name is a First Name" Tafoya. I'm pretty sure Erin Andrews will win, but you never know - the Internets are a crazy place. Of course, if Erin Andrews doesn't win, we should prolly call in Kirk Herbsteit.

Check it out. Get out and vote. Make a difference.

You know what this reminds me of? Liquid Generation's "Who'd You Rather?" which gives you two celebrities and lets you pick who'd you rather (you fill in the blank). Pretty basic and SFW. They also had another fun name called Who's Boobs where you see some boobs (and nothing else) and have to pick a celebrtiy to which they belong. Pretty much NSFW there, but still intriguing.

Why do I bring that up? Because, as a dude, its built into my genes to notice boobs. It just happens - I don't even have to look at them. I have 20/20 memory when it comes to bresticles. Why all of the talk about boobs? Because recently a pair of moderately famous (and I use that phrase loosely) boobs have changed - the boobs of Kellie Pickler. You know, she was on American Idol last season? I don't know - I don't watch that show - but she got mentioned on The Soup (watch that!) enough that I know who she is.

Anyway, here's a video of Kellie from last season. My recommendation to you (if you don't like country music) is to push play then pause, let the video load and go to about half way through and take a look.



Nothing wrong with that. Apparently, her managers didn't thing so. Here's the new look...



Update: YouTube removed this video, so I posted the full version up here. Wait until about 1 minute in and check out the comment from Ryan.

A little bigger, no? Honestly, this would have flown right under the radar except Ryan, and Simon later on, are obsessed with them. I don't think Seacrest looks her in the eyes once.

That should be all of the evidence you need. And have no fear fellow Skeet Throwers, I'll keep watching and let you know if I notice anymore changes on Kellie or anyone else. This kind of job needs to be handled by someone and I guess I'll just have to do it.

One final side note on that "One Shining Moment" video - I posted it because it was the last time that:

1. Kentucky won the National Championship


2. Nebraska made the big dance (Lil' Red makes an appearance early on in that video)

How the mighty have fallen...

Ninja Warrior!

Before I start today's post I need to mention that my favorite sno-cone place, Sno Beach, opened up from their winter close-down on March 1st, so on Sunday I had my first delicious, sugary, mmmmmmmm-good sno-cone of the year. These are the Best. Sno-Cones. Ever. I'm not kidding. And if you don't like them, I will fight you. Anyway, if you are ever in Austin, make sure you visit Sno Beach. I'm in a state of euphoria right now - mainly because I love iced treats so much...

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I mentioned the Turtles a while ago (and probably heard more about that post than any other post), and I've talked about them in the past, but I never really talk about why I like them.

Of course, that would take too long. Suffice it to say they were awesome. That said, who didn't love that they were ninjas. I love ninjas, ninjas, even if they be stealing my beer, my bucket or maybe even my coat.

Anyway, why do I love ninjas so much? I don't know. Probably because they do so much cool/ridiculous stuff and because of games like Ninja Gaiden (which you can play online here). On a side note, did anyone really ever beat that game? I spent hours and could get prtty far. Apparently somebody did, but I don't know them. Also, is Ryu from Ninja Gaiden the same guy from Street Fighter?

Anyway, I was watching tv with my non-wife roommate the other day and we stumbled across a Japanese show called Ninja Warrior. The show was subtitled (sadly, no MXC-style voiceovers). On this show, they make normal Japanese dudes perform feats that only ninjas could do. And by normal Japanese dudes I mean fairly athletic ninja looking dudes.

I watch about 10 minutes and similarly to MXC, when the dudes failed, they usually fell in some shallow pit of water. Only when they get up, they look disgraced.

Since I have zero-to-negative amounts of time for an attention span, I immediately went to my homeboys at the YouTube.com for more video of this show. And I found this one of Makoto Nagano, a 34-year old fisherman. It's a 9 minute video, but its worth watching every second.



I'm not sure how a fisherman gets on this show. More importantly, I'm not sure how you figure out that you can do some of this shit. How do you figure out that you can swing across a moat on a rope and then scale a wall from said rope. Furthermore, who has moats anymore? And, more importantly, if you have a moat/wall combo, why are you dumb enough to tie a rope across the moat? Nevermind, dumb question - Ninjas always have grappling hooks. I guess I should ask - where are you testing your grappling hook skills?

Finally, and this may be the most important question, is there a place where I can try some of this? I think someone needs to open a ninja training facility that's bascially just a big obsticle course. Then, everything else will fall into place - there's no need to educate people to ninja principles or other skills like bo-staff skills, nunchucking skills...

On second thought, maybe we need to include that stuff - lest all of our ninjas turn out like this:

Week In Recap: Life Update

So, I went to Time Warner on Friday to get my HD-DVR box for my new TV. I called TW, made sure they had HD-DVR boxes in stock, unhooked my current non-HD dvr box and went into TW to pick up my glorious new box. Of course, when I get there, they have no HD-DVR boxes in stock (they did have DVR's and HD boxes, just not the combo). Bastards. Now I'm left with my old box. The sad thing is, I worked really hard to clean my old box before I turned it in. It is gonna take a lot of work to keep that damn box clean...

I also wanted to update you to my weight resolution: no changes - I am where I was a while ago.

On to the recap: I kind of went ballistic this week on links - mainly cuz I've got too much to say (I just want to give you somewhere to waste some time) - so I'm going to post in parentheses the number of links (not including videos) on the page.

This week, on The Skeet Thrower:

- Monday was mi hermano's birthday and I gave him Chad Vader videos. (17)

- I made it Rainn on Tuesday. On a side note, you would not believe the number of emails, texts and person-to-person confirmations about other people hating Kenan as well. How is he still on that show? (15)

- Thursday: Avril, that's bush. Bush league. If you were a man, I'd punch you. (8 plus 2 bonus links from Wheezy in the comments)

- On Friday, it was raining men as I unveiled The BCS Man-Crush List. (22)

After that post on Friday, I think I know how those dudes felt after filming Brokeback Mountain. Still feeling kind of gay after that last post, so I feel that I need to compensate by posting another non-gay clip.

Here's a (SFW) clip of Tyra feeling up Kathryn McPhee.



Also, I used a form of box 9 times in the first paragraph - couldn't quite get to 10 - but that should help out.

Finally, this week's most hit post was:

Casual Dress Friday: Standing Strong from Friday February 9, 2006 - garnering hits from the Mississippi Dept. of Education, China, Vancouver and Rutgers University among others. Not sure why that was the most linked post - prolly dudes looking for that elusive hot Tara Reid picture...

BCS: Man Crush List

It's a casual dress Friday and today is a special day because I'm unveiling a big change at the Skeet Thrower. Today, I'm unveiling the BCS Man-Crush list.

I've talked about my BCS rankings a lot, but I've never really given a full explanation of who is on the list my qualifications for the list are. Unfortunately, today, I'm just going to give you the Man-Crush list (you'll have to wait for the BCS Most-Hated and the BCS Top 5 Chicas later). Since this is a pretty big deal, I'll just get right down to it.

The Rules

1. Anyone, real or fictional, can be a candidate for the man-crush list. Pretty much all this means is you can't just make someone up.

And that's it. It is pretty straight forward. I want to clarify 2 things at this point:

1. I am not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). That said, this is a man-crush list. Take it as you will.


2. The man-crush list is kept at 3 (while my other BCS lists stretch to 5).

Anyway, without further ado, here it is.

The BCS Man-Crush List

1. Jack Bauer (not Kiefer Sutherland)

Bauer is the shit. That is all. Easily number 1.

2. Gilbert Arenas



The best part of this video may be all of the "That's What She Said" quotes at the beginning. Agent Zero is in the Association, he's funny and he's known to yell Hibachi at his opponents. All good thing.

3. Will Smith



It's Will Smith. Do you really need a reason (justforget about Wild WildWest)

I'm not going to give you any more explanation. That is final. Its straight forward - I love 24, I love the Association and I love the Fresh Prince.

Close calls include Justin Timberlake who gets points for selling Britney at her all time high, good music and banging a bunch of hot chicks and Josh Duhamel who lost a lot of points for dating a hideous and annoying Fergie.

Also, dudes that I love that were not close to the list include Charles Barkley (he's so fat) and Magic Johnson (for obvious reasons).

While I'm on the topic of slightly gay things, you may have missed this shot from the Avril video yesterday:



It's there, I promise. See, it is at 2:25. Watch for yourself. Tough break for that guy - now that photo is on the Internets (this from the guy that just listed his top 3-5 celebrity man-crushes).

Just to prove to you I'm not gay - not that there's anything wrong with that - I've included a song about guy love (this one's for you, Wheezy)...



Ok, including a song might be kinda gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), but this whole post is questionable. Anyway, I thought I'd let you know about the new feature I'm including here at the Skeet Thrower - a list over on the right, updating you almost instantly (or everytime I post) to any changes to the Man-Crush List. These are the things I feel you should know.

On a completely different subject, I'd like to leave you with something about chicks, so here's a new music video by Beyonce and Shakira. I hated the last song from both these chicas, but this one isn't so bad and the video is pretty good. It is SFW, but it is also a Beyonce/Shakira video...



Have a good weekend.

What the Hell Happened to Avril Lavigne Part 2

You may have thought I was exaggerating when I brought this up before or you may think there are more important people going crazy, but I'm not kidding - what the hell happened to Avril?

Avril is very important to me for two reasons. First, she's on my guilty pleasures list, and, second, she's my psyche-up music. Some people like the Tunnel Walk, I like Sk8tr Boi. It just gets my blood pumping. Then I start putting my balls in their place. And by that I mean I start playing beer pong really well, just ask Ross. In no way was anything in that last paragraph gay - not that there's anything wrong with that.

Honestly, I think someone kidnapped Avril and replaced her with a Pink/Jessica Simpson hybrid. And that's just not cool.



I'm gonna be straight with you Avril, one mother f---er in that song does not make up for...whatever the hell it is.

What's even more diconcerting is the rate at which the music stars from my late high-school/early college career are disappearing. First Britney, then Tonya Harding, now Avril...if things keep happening at this rate, this will be the Backstreet Boys in a few months:



The best part of that video might be the kid in the back playing World of Warcraft or whatever those crazy asians college kids do.

Also, let's be honest, I wasn't a big fan of Tonya Harding - I just wanted you to show you a picture of her now. She needs to mix in a few salads.