The Immature Video Post

I have two videos today that you should enjoy. They are probably just a little immature, but that fits on this website anyway (and on the heels of a couple Twitter posts yesterday, you can tell I'm not too worried about maturity).

The first is an awesome clip from TMNT 2 that someone sent me the other day. I own the first TMNT movie, but I haven't seen the 2nd TMNT movie in a long time. I didn't realize it was a different April in that one - these are the kinda things I'm expected to know. Anyway, here's an awesome clip from that movie - just wait for Splinter's line.



Of course, a brief innuendo can only be topped by this awesome Shaq clip that I found while looking for that Will Ferrell clip from the other day.



Also, yes, I know I promised a NBA round 2 preview - and one will show up - but I just can't believe my Spurs are down 0-2...so I've been procrastinating.

Skeet Thrower Draft: Playground Games

It's the return of original Friday content. I've been pretty busy lazy the last few weeks and haven't gotten a post written. Anyway, about 3 weeks ago we finished up a draft and I finally had a chance to write it up.

Topic: Playground Games. Really, it's anything you played at recess or PE while in elementary or middle school.

Order: 1) Laura, 2) Adam, 3) Ross, 4) MM, 5) Wheezy

3 rounds, snaking order. Go.

First Round

1. Laura: SWINGS

MM: PLEASE GIVE A 1-2 SENTENCE DESCRIPTION IF POSSIBLE...WHY ARE WE YELLING?

Laura: I DON'T KNOW!
Swings are classic. And can be enjoyed at all ages (yeah, I've been on a swing in college). You can normal swing. You can swing in a superman pose. You can have someone turn you around and around and around until the chain is all twisted and then let go. You can swing as high as possible and then compete to jump the farthest. Swings are way more versatile than they receive credit for. Despite some other people's opinions, swings are not a peripheral! Swings are a staple of the playground that will be around forever.

Adam: I do the majority of my swinging at Kansas City area Comfort Inns, generally at the quarterly conference. I didn't know people swung at playgrounds, I'll have to look into that.

2. Adam: CRAPS
Looks like I need to have a big draft. My first round selection for best playground game / recess activity is CRAPS, or "shooting dice" as you might have called it. What a rush it always was betting my lunch ticket and praying that I'd be able to eat hot lunch for the rest of that week.

3. Ross: BOOMERANG
The coolest thing we ever did at recess was play with a BOOMERANG! That was the hot item at 4th grade recess. That is, until Ryan Hellander sliced his face open and the powers that be decided it probably wasn't a good idea to have 40 kids chasing around a flying weapon. ...I probably should have saved that one for a later round. Not likely to be stolen I imagine.

MM: I was not gonna steal Boomerang, but only because the word Boomerand reminds me of the first time I ever saw a cougar attack. (that's probably NSFW)

Draft Note: This has nothing to do with the playground, but this ridiculous video comes up on YouTube when you search Boomerang:


4. MM: 4-Square
Honestly, there was nothing better than four square - there was action, shady alliances between the top people and your friends, moves that were borderline cheating, the ability to tag someone with a playground ball, and, as a bonus, just about everyone could get involved.

Draft Note: This over-the-top video is not how I played it, but makes me want to play 4-square even more.



5. Wheezy:Tether Ball
One of the main reasons for this pick is because it was one of the few "sports" I could actually play with any chance of actually winning when I was in elementary school, but also because even if you weren't playing - the people who were looked so ridiculous that you could always enjoy the spectacle.

Second Round

6. Wheezy: Tire Swing
On my elementary school playground there was one of those wooden multi-use play areas with a cargo net you climbed to get to the monkey bars to get to the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom style rope bridge to get to the twisty slide etc, and on one corner was a tire swing that, when pushed hard enough would get you pinballing back and forth on the support beam structure surrounding it. Plus it spun like crazy, so it was kind of a combined merry go round / swing twofer.

Draft Note: This should remind you of what it looks like to play tetherball.


7. MM: Dodgeball
What's better than winging a playground ball at some of your friends, or, even better, someone that pissed you off. Plus, dodgeball is the ultimate survival of the fittest game. If you're slow or fat or suck at life, you're gonna be out really early. Bonus: I could go play dodgeball right now and have an awesome time.

8. Ross: Kickball
You get to peg people with that red ball, just like in dodgeball, but you also get the satisfaction of booting the ball and hearing that twang. You know what I'm talking about. Kickball is a great playground game, much better than baseball as it required only the ball and moved along much faster, since you never need to pitch 12 times for a single at bat.

MM: I did love that twaaaanggg sound.

Laura: Oh yeah, this game was way high on my draftboard. That twang is particularly satisfying when every one moves into the infield just because you're a girl and then the ball goes over their heads

Draft Note: Here's an awesome kickball league I want to join


9. Adam: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
This was always a favorite of mine as everyone else always seemed to want to be Rafael because he was red, or Donatello for reasons I still don't understand. This opened up Michaelangelo for me which was perfect because despite his bullshit ninchucks, he was the most awesome. A true story is that in 2nd grade my teacher had an intervention with my parents because I was too obsessed with Turtles. Well, Ms. Latka, you know when we're discussing Michaelangelo the artist you're pretty much just asking for some Turtles quotes and references, and maybe you just weren't into them enough. Turtles - the game for kids who love Pizza, debate favorite colors and weapons, and are constantly facing sabotage threats from the Foot Clan.

Draft Note: I'm not sure how this slid through without so much as a comment. I loved playing TMNT on the playground. That said, I'm pretty sure we looked like a mix of these next 2 videos:





10. Laura: Capture the Flag
My entire school used to play this (or kickball) at recess. (Note: My entire school was 17 people, including the teacher that played with us.) One of the criterion for all my picks is that it can be played by all ages and in different circumstances. We played on a semi-open field with a few hills and trees. You could also play a game across an entire campus, or at camp we played in the forest. You can specialize too and it doesn't always require the most coordination (speed is helpful unless you're super sneaky).

Third Round

11. Laura: Tag
Tag can be played at all ages with varying levels of difficulty and any size group. There's normal tag, which I believe was designed solely to use up kids' excess energy since the game never really ends.There's freeze tag, which can actually allow someone to "win" the game by freezing everyone, but it still can go for a long time and you can work together. There's blob tag where people get linked together. Depending on space constraints tag can also turn into a type of hide-and-seek around the playground equipment. Tag is the simplest of games, but with a little bit of creativity it can be changed and elaborated in so many ways.

12. Adam: Tornado Slide
This was the biggest, twist on the way down slide on most school playgrounds. What's true is that I was so deathly afraid of heights through about 3rd grade that I didn't even make it down until 4th grade, and by then everyone was either playing football or climbing UP the slide anyways. Still, I remember the rush of not dying my first time climbing up those stairs and getting all of my undergarments bunched up in the static cling shock of the trip down. Of course, by the time I had enough balls to actually climb up to that slide - there were bad kids hanging out in the top, scratching curse words into the metal, and they never appreciated having to go down just so I could conquer my fears.

13. Ross: The Floor Is Lava
Maybe you called it something slightly different, but I'm willing to bet you had some sort of game where you couldn't touch the ground. This game is a classic, and every playground has it's own quirks and tricks to get from one side to the other without being engulfed in flames.

14. MM: Red Rover
I would like to meet the person that came up with Red Rover. I have a feeling it went like this: A teacher was pissed at his class for being douche bags, so when recess rolls around, he's like, "Hey. I have a game we're going to play today." Then he splits them into two teams and stand in a straight line. Then one-by-one, he has the class run full-steam from their team right into the other team. Furthermore, here's a checklist I used for good games: 1) Is there a chance for injury? Yes. 2) Is there a chance that you'll pick on a girl or a weak kid? Yes. Is there a chance that you could end up on the ground with 2 girls? Yes. Is there a chance that you'll be mad at someone after the game? Yes. Four yeses - how can you not love this game?

15. Wheezy: Butts Up
Get your heads out of the gutter man, this is an elementary school game!

Basically, if I remember correctly. The ball is thrown against a large wall, usually the side of the building, then as it returns the kids try to catch it. If you successfully catch it without dropping the ball, you get then throw it against the wall again. If you touch it WITHOUT catching it, (like drop it, get grazed by it, etc) - you must run to the wall and touch the wall before anybody can get the ball to the wall again.

If you don't make it to the wall first, then you get one "out", and must stand against the wall, facing towards it. The kid who gave you that out then tries to peg you as hard as he can with the ball (usually a tennis or racquetball). If you accumulate 3 outs, then you're done playing.

I really don't know why this game was all that appealing - I guess because of the painful nature of losing (see Bloody Knuckles and the quarter game where you try to keep it spinning for other examples of the pain based phenomenon).

So that's the draft. I'll declare the winner next Friday, so vote until then. Here's the poll.

Have a great weekend.

Does TMNT Talk Work at a Gay Bar?

This last weekend was my bro's bachelor party. We went down to Kansas City and did the standard stuff - Hooters, baseball, beer, etc. For me, the craziest stuff happened on Saturday night (fortunately, I didn't do anything to piss off my wife). I was bored at the bar we were at, so I decided to go find another somewhere else. Turns out I ended up going by myself. So, here I am in downtown KC, walking down the street at like 12:15 am trying to find a bar to walk into. I walk about a block and am presented with 2 immediate choices: 1) a bar that appears to be full of bikers, and 2) a bar that is playing hip-hop and pop, but I can't see inside. Figuring that I would take a shot to the face at the biker bar, I went into the hip-hop bar. Besides, I had seen a couple normal looking people go in already, so I wasn't too worried about it.

Of course, as I enter the door, I realize that there's a f-ing cover. I hate covers, but I paid it anyway (it was only $5) and made my way up to the bar and ordered a beer. I quickly realized that something wasn't right - I appeared to have stumbled into one of KC's premier gay bars. Good times! Seeing as how I myself am not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) I was again presented with 2 choices: 1) immediately leave or 2) pony up to the bar and people watch. Seeing as how I was by myself, had already paid a cover and the Boulevard was only $1, I decided to stick it out.

Let's be honest, I saw some things that night that I never really want to see again (a fishnet thong does not look good on a male) and some things that intrigued me (there was a dance floor full of lesbians - I'll let you dream up the details (SFW)) but overall the people were actually really nice. In fact, you may not find nicer people than at a gay bar. The nicest person may have been my butch bartender, Marge, who reminded me of this chick.



Sadly, Marge was not that chick or else I could have impessed her with my TMNT knowledge. Like reciting the lines from this PSA (apparently Mike had the munchies while filming that commercial). On the other hand, if Marge was that chick, I may be dead - there's no telling what a psycho chick like that would do. This chick is over the top. I don't even know what to say and since this is my job, I'll switch the topic...

...Speaking of Marge, I saw The Simpson's Movie this weekend. Funny? Yes. Very funny? Nah. It was very well executed and translated much better than the South Park movie, I think. Of course, the slight disappointment I felt should be brought back by Superbad which has me very excited.

Casual Dress Friday: Booyah

Its a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower, but I wanted start on a not so casual thing today: Don Imus. Do you know who he is? I didn't until he called the Rutgers basketball women "nappy headed hos." I saw this last week on the Internets and then it exploded all over TV, leading to Imus getting fired. Again, I don't even know who Don Imus is. No matter what he did, his popularity is now 100000000000000000x greater because of all of this publicity.

But despite the fact that I want to start with Imus, I'm not here to talk about Imus. Actually I'm wanted to talk about something that was said surrounding the Imus situation. This statement was made by Stuart Scott (you may have figured this out from the profile shot groteseque picture at the right). On a side note, have they figured out what in the hell is wrong with Stuart Scott's eye. Honestly. I'm not going to make a list of STD's I wouldn't want to get (because pretty much all of them are up there) but if I had to rank them I know Stuart Scott's eye would come in pretty high on that list.

Sorry, I'll get back on track...its just that I feel Stuart Scott's eye is attacking me...anyway, Stuart Scott has done some pretty weird things to get publicity (just watch for the Stuart Scott interludes in that one...Raise the Roof) before, but this may top it. He was on ESPNRadio yesterday and Mike and Mike asked him about the Imus thing. Scott said rappers who use those words "mean it in an affectionate way."

Are you nuts?

Let's check out a couple of examples:

- UrbanDictionary.com defines Ho as:
1) Prostitute, Whore, Hooker, Tramp, Slut
2) A word Santa Clause says three times when he sees your wife, mother and sister together in the same room,
3) A whore
4) A woman like my ex-girlfriend. Just to name a few.

- Here's Ludacris - Ho (this may be the worst modern video ever - Wheezy when you get your graphics art degree, I demand that you remake this video with more polygons or whatever you need...)

Outside of the Santa thing, I'm pretty sure none of those things above are too affectionate. And if you didn't already know: Stuart Scott is an idiot.

On the plus side, "Booyah" did result in a 10 second porn scene clip that floated around on the Internets when I was in college. Its too graphic to describe here, but I'll be glad to tell you about it sometime.

In any case, someone has taken the time to route NappyHos.com (SFW) to the Official Website of Rutgers Intercollegiate Athletics. Good times.

You know, none of us would have any problems if we had a legion of late 80's/early 90's cartoon stars to help us resolve our problems (there's a couple TMNT shots in there, if you can make it - that's a 30 minute video there).

Speaking of the Turtles, here's a clip from their brief "Coming Out Their Shells" musical. Wheezy and I were talking about this last night and I figured I'd put a clip up here.



Sorry about being so late today. I've been really busy. Also, sorry about the Wanda Sykes link above. I just thought she made a few "I thought he was dead" jokes and I'm a sucker for those.

Have a good weekend.

Another Dose of Hero Ninja Fever

It is Monday and that means it is time for Bauer to kick some ass. I don't know if you watch the previews for the next episode because there are differing opinions on this (note: I won't even ask if you watch the episode) - bt if you ddin't let me fill you in. Bauer gets tagged by a bullet. He might die. If Bauer dies, I may die - I can't lose Bauer and Agent Zero in one week. Of course, he's Bauer and the reason he is BCS number 1 is because he won't die.

In other news, there is a grave injustice I must discuss before I get to today's real topic - apparently there is some new chick on GSN's Playmania/Quiznation. Her name is Jessica York and she sucks. Honestly, I turn on the TV expecting Shandi or black-Shandi and I get bush-leaguer Jessica York. You can see the difference here. At least its not the European version with the gay dude. We need to get Bauer on this once the whole nukes thing is over.

Anyway, the whole point of today's blog was to ask if you knew that there's a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie? Turns out they didn't really market it to us (they strayed towards real kids); however, since I keep my ears to the streets, I heard about it. That said, I haven't been able to convince my wife that we should see this yet, but I want to. I mean, I call myself a Turtles expert, how have I not seen this yet? Its all animation, but it is getting decent reviews (although it has dropped from the 8.0 it had earlier).

I'm not sure how I feel about it being animated. I mean who didn't love those giant, immobile turtle costumes and the "human" foot-clan. On a side note, that video made me think of an old joke that Wheezy used to tell about the first time a ninja broke someone's neck. I couldn't find the Internets link on his blizog, but now that I wrote this I'm sure he'll come through.

Anyway, from the movie preview, it looks like the cartoonists found a nice balance between comedy and the seriousness that is the Turtles. Although, I'm not so sure how good it can be without the Shredder. As I've said before, the best part about the Turtles is that they are ninjas, and fighting Shredder made sense because, well, he was also a ninja. Fighting monsters just isn't as good.

You know what else isn't as good? Foreign versions of the Turtles theme, especially the German edition which confuses the word "ninja" for "hero." Idiots.



Why do I feel those guys are just yelling at the mic as loud as they can. Also, that last ninja link is worth a look, if not for the preposterousness(I got that from my boy Todd's Google Reader Shared Items...waiting on that blog Todd).

While we are on the topic of ninjas, I thought I would show you the extended Afro Ninja video. I know you all have seen the Afro Ninja, but not everyone has seen the extended edition.



One final random ninja note for you baseball fans out there - you may want to know what Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster did to improve himself in the offseason - he became a ninja. I'd much rather have that than an unhittable curve. Good work.