After Dark: Talking to 2 Girls at One Time

Sometimes I find funny/ridiculous videos and I don't really like to post them during the week because they are NSFW. As such, I've decided to introduce a new segment called Skeet Thrower: After Dark. These intermittent posts will randomly occur on the weekend and contain videos that you probably shouldn't watch at work.

The first video is from a crappy chat line commercial.



1) Who thought those girls were hot?
2) What kind of bikinis are they wearing? That just looks like bad early 90's underwear.
3) What kind of phones are they talking on? They look like regular corded phones that have just been unplugged
4) Seriously?
5) And finally, no, I don't think I actually can handle talking to two girls at one time.

Vern Fonk: Part II

One of my favorite posts in my 300+ posts was a post about Vern Fonk Insurance (I said in the post that I would start saying the word Shipopi more and I have).

Well, there's a ton of Vern Fonk videos on YouTube, and I finally watched a few more of them. And now, I'll pass that forward by showing you a couple of the best. Here's one that is called Fonk to the Future.



If you ever wanted to see the Vern Fonk guy cross dress, now is your chance.



Finally, here's a couple Napolean Dynamite ones that are kinda funny.

I Can Satisfy You

And not in some creepy R. Kelly/P. Diddy way, but rather with some awesome videos.

That said, here's a guy that will satisfy you in a different way.



The #1 butt satisfier? That sounds like a crazy porn title that you could win. I'm gonna be honest, if I'm ever voted the #1 satisfier of anything, I'll probably celebrate like this.

Commercial Attack

I know I was supposed to put up an NBA post today, but it didn't make it - I've got some good videos coming though. I put my picks up on Twitter yesterday, so they're written in stone (side note, Ross, I put a Twitter update up there just for you).

In the meantime, here's a compilation of fake commercials (you know I love them). The first one is all about Windex and has some NSFW text.



Here is another commercial from Eagle insurance that I've featured before. This one is ridiculous.



Finally, here's the first commercial for Family Guy spinoff "The Cleveland Show." I have no clue whether I'll like this, but it is about my heritage.

It's A Blog Roll

I'm am an embarrassingly big fan of the Internet. Like, if I could ever meet the intermist I might turn into a giggling school girl. And one of my favorite parts of the webernet are blogs. There are a lot of good blogs out there, and people (including me) don't give them enough credit for being good (to be honest, I'm pretty sure this post is probably doing them more hard than good, but, oh well). So, out of respect to these blizogs, I've added a massive blog rolls to the bottom left column of this blog (my friends - or really anyone that links to me - will stay in the top-right). If you subscribe to my shared feed (you can see it on the left too) or follow me on Twitter (here's that profile again) you probably have seen many of these sites before. Furthermore, this isn't all of the blogs I read, but these are definitely some of the blogs that shape my views on life. Look at the list and let me know if there's any blogs that I should be reading (or, if for some reason, you're mad that you're not on there, let me know).

I had this big long post written about blog accountability - but let's be honest - who really want to hear that from me. So instead, here's an awesome commercial that probably applies to several of my readers this fine Sunday.

It's Local Commercial Madness

Sometimes when I open a video, I know right away that I'm gonna love it. It's awesome. Today I have one of those awesome videos.



I don't know what it is about crappy local commercials but I love them. Seriously, I want to meet the people who comes up with these ads. Here's an awesome pizza one.



I think I'm gonna start mixing that dance into my daily routine. Just because I can, here's an awesome flea market commercial that's been all over the intermist but is always worth a watch.

Dumb Song And Dance Edition

I feel like I owe you an explanation. I have been building my emergency bunker in case Kansas somehow defied odds and failed to choke. Which they did(?!?), and now, sadly, this will be my last post as I retreat to my bunker and pray to God to save me from the apocalypse.
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Actually I was up visiting my new favorite NFL team and then I was at a wedding in Houston. I left my laptop with my wife, so I was computerless except for my phone which isn't quite a smart phone so my browsing is limited.

In any case, I'm coming back to with 2 ridiculous videos.

The first is some sort of ridiculous commercial for a laser synthesizer. Its bad enough at the start, but wait until it gets to the rock band part...



Brief side note, my wife has a synthesizer/keyboard thing and on the "DJ 2" setting you can make all kinds of crazy sex noises with the thing. They probably weren't intended to be sex noises, but they definitely sound like sex noises. I'm not sure if this keyboard has sex noises but I would recommend not buying it if it doesn't, because, I'm telling you, that's the best part of Shorty's keyboard. To be fair, I wouldn't really recommend buying this thing at all. You'd look like a douche while playing it.

Speaking of looking like a douche, here's a new dance "craze" (and I use quotations because if I haven't seen it in the club then its probably not really a craze), the Dança do Quadrado is a Brazilian thing (so its Portuguese - which slowed me down on the whole FreeTranslation front), and it means Dances of the Square in English. I'll say this - if you don't laugh while watching this, you either know this dance or hate midgets.



I think they are just making that up as they go. What dance involves being mounted by a midget while doing push-ups. I can't tell who I feel worse for, the people in that video or the kid from the beamz lazer music thing above that is about to attacked by that old man.

Hope you had a good weekend.

Late Night TV Traps

I've told you time and again that I watch a lot of late night TV. That said, what I watch now doesn't compare to the amount of late night TV I watched in college - I used to watch stuff until 3 or 4 in the morning. If nothing else, I'd watch some TV after we got home from the bars on Thursday or Friday. Late, late - like post 1 or 2am late - is when you start seeing some shady commercials. For instance, the company Live Links, a service that is based solely on getting people in the area to talk to one another in what I can only assume is one giant cluster-f*ck of a conference call for something like $2.99/minute.

Anyway, it's Thursday which means that it's time for a new episode of Lost. What does that have to do with Live Links? Well, prior to Lost, Kate (also known as Evangeline Lilly) did a Live Links commercial. Fortunately, someone took the time to splice it together with some Lost footage.



Of course, for every Live Links, there's a 5-10 even shadier services. Here's a commercial for a different one.



Obviously, that's fake. I think. Maybe. I'm probably gonna call it just to check...

Side Note/Lesson Time: One time, after getting home from the bars, someone texted one of those crazy numbers with my phone (thankfully it was one of those "info" texts so it didn't cost me anything). I got text message responses from the service telling me to call its number until 3:30 am that night, and then I got 2 more the next night.

Lesson: Services like Live Links are like hooking up with a chick you know is crazy. It may seem harmless, but next thing you know you've got something that won't leave you alone, is really embarrassing, and is always showing up at the worst times.

Besides, if you can get chicks as easily as Will Arnett, then why do you need Live Links (I'm just gonna go ahead and throw out the NSFW tag on this one).

I Can Do Some Damage To Some Fried Chicken...

I was gonna write about Will Ferrell's new movie Semi-Pro, but I decided that it has been marketed to high-hell and whether you think you'll like/see the movie or not, you're probably tired of hearing about it.

So, today I'll take a different twist on Semi-Pro. Semi-Pro focuses on an earlier age of basketball. Some would call this a Golden Age - I'm not so sure. Don't get it twisted, I love old-school bball (and to be honest, I try to play like I'm an old school PF), but I'm a firm believer that Jordan changed everything for the better. Combine that with the fact that there hasn't been a more competitive, high-quality level of basketball in the NBA (at least in the west and the top of the east) for as long as I can remember (Seriously. Just look at the standings).

But I digress. The best part of old school hoops were the commercials (with a close 2nd being the crazy hair and the short shorts coming in dead last). There were some awesome ones (even if some of them perpetuated a negative stereotypes).

Don't know what I'm talking about? Just watch these today's videos. I have a couple fried chicken commercials from the late 80's/early 90's and a PSA from 1992. I won't say much about them other than I enjoyed them.

The first commercial is a Hardee's - remember, there were Hardee's in the 80's - commercial featuring Karl Malone (who knew Hardee's made fried chicken?). There's a boring commercial on the 2nd half, so don't worry about that one.



I really wish he would have said "Did you know how big their breasts are?" instead of "Did you know how big their pieces are?". That would have been classic (he does call out KFC's little breasts though). Just to let you know, I am going to start using the phrase "Do Some Damage To" a lot more now. Just be ready.

The second commercial features Magic Johnson. I shouldn't have to tell you that, but I will just in case.



Of course, you know bad filming wasn't relegated only to commercials. The 90's had a couple good PSAs featuring NBA players as well. Here's one featuring Chris Mullin, Tyrone Hill and MC Hammer.



Have a good weekend.