Real Life vs. My Life

Well, as I said on Monday, I just returned from Vegas. I've said before, I think Vegas is like Disneyland for adults - life just doesn't seem real there. That said, I think I live a lot of my life on the webernets and it turns out that isn't real either. Fortunately, my boy Vasquez sent me this video to sort things out.



I never watch/read Red vs. Blue but that video might force me to do so. Anyway, now that I know what's real and what's not, it's time to put it to the test. Here's a video, you tell me if you think it's real.



OK, so not only is that not real (was anything on 90210 really plausible?) but its a modified clip from the show. Still funny and ridiculous. You know what else is ridiculous? The guy singing in that video, David Silver Brian Austin Green (featuring bonus white rap music video!), is railing Megan Fox.

In any case, here's one more video - I'm more inclined to believe this is real except for the multiple angle things. Either way, it's always funny to see people get pissed and start overreacting - and this video has that.

Conan Vs. Colbert

In the interest of full disclosure, I should let you know that I will probably be MIA after today. I'll try to sneak a post in tomorrow, but I'm not sure if it will happen. My company (that's a new and improved website and its going to be improving even more in the near future!) just completed version 1.0 of our software and so all of the full time employees are going to Vegas as a bonus/planning/bonding activity. It should be a lot of fun. Unfortunately, I highly doubt I will have time to write a post (and I may not even have access to the intermets). So, I apologize - I will be back Monday.

Anyway, last week sometime I turned on the Colbert Report to see that he still had his feud going with Conan (and they had now involved Jon Stewart). A couple nights ago (Monday, I think), Conan summarized the whole thing. I wasn't sure where he was going with it, but I laughed pretty hard. The clip is up on YouTube and I've included it here.



If you don't want to watch an entire 8 minute clip, the fight scene between Conan, Colbert and Stewart can be seen at that link. It is well worth watching because it made me laugh pretty hard.

In case I don't get something posted, here's a link to the R-rated, definitely NSFW trailer for Forgetting Sarah Marshall (the new Judd Apatow movie). I wasn't sure how I felt about it at first, but I'm pretty sure it will be funny. Besides, if it has Kenneth, how can I not love it?

Drunk History Part II

I'm kinda off my game tonight. I'm not sure if I haven't completely recovered from being sick last weekend things have just been weird today. First, I couldn't focus completely at work and needed to think from home to figure out my problem. Then, we lost to an awful team at basketball tonight - I have no clue what happened but they made some lucky shots. Personally, I played like shit and that makes it more frustrating. Now I'm watching my Spurs let f-ing Jacque Vaughn lead them in shots and scoring (If you know who Jacque Vaughn is, then you have to feel bad for me, no matter whether you like the Spurs or not. If you don't know who he is, then that should only reaffirm my feelings exasperation).

To top it off, I found Drunk History Part II earlier this week on Funny or Die (you may remember my post with Part I, but now a few other website have started picking it up. It's been a crazy week. Anyway, here's part II (its not on YouTube yet, and Funny or Die is dumb and refuses to show up in a lot of readers, so you may actually have to click to the actual blizog to see it). Is it as funny as the first? No. But it does feature Jack Black and Clark Duke (the latter or Clark and Michael fame).



Oh ya, there's puking in that one too. Sorry about that. I guess its not that big of a deal - you can't even really see it. Anyway, I'm assuming I'll be back on point after the weekend. I had better be - I'm going to Vegas on Thursday (and we all know how much I love Vegas).

So, on a completely unrelated note - here's a random video called Kill 'Em with Kindness. Enjoy and have a good weekend.

Underoo Transformation

I used to have Underoos (not to be confused with Dunkaroos but I never had this happen to me.



Now I'm disappointed. I think I'm gonna try to buy some Underoos somewhere...

Casual Dress Friday: Real Life Dwight vs. Michael

Its a Casual Dress Friday and it has been a very busy week for me. Not only have do I have a bunch of new video games in my possesion: The Simpsons, Contra 4, some Lego game where you can actually be Admiral Ackbar, Ultimate Mortal Kombat and Guitar Hero 3 - speaking of which, if you haven't seen this clip of Cowbell Hero its a must watch.



Sorry, I got distracted, where was I - oh yes, busy - at work we're also within 5 days of a code freeze and I've also been working out every day. Working out is pretty low key. I go, run a few miles, lift a little bit and peace out. I try not to pay attention to anyone else, but the other day I couldn't help it (Long Story Warning: If you have ADD or you just don't want to read this...just skip ahead to the ***).

There were two guys lifting together (I have no clue who they are or what their names are), one in his upper 30's, for the sake of this story, we'll call him Marvin, and one in his upper 20's, we'll call him Derek. Marvin was clearly Derek's mentor and seemed to be more experienced at lifting, so, Marvin was showing his workout routine to Derek. While he was explaining everything, Marvin would tell Derek the number of reps on each machine that he would do (he never did more than one set). Of course, the entire time, Marvin was saying how hard it was and how exhausted Derek would get.

Tired of talking, Marvin goes into an extensive stretching machine to warm up his muscles for the lifting. At this point, I have slowed down my lifting just so I can watch this. Do you ever get the feeling that a train wreck is about to happen so you just pretty much stop whatever you're doing to watch it and you keep trying not to look but you can't help it because you know its coming? This was one of those times.

Finally, after what seemed like 20 minutes, Marvin jumped on a leg machine...unfortunately I was in the middle of a set. I couldn't see what weight he started at, but I could hear him him grunting and struggling to get it up (that's what she said). I quickly pounded out the rest of my reps and took a look at what Marvin was lifting. It was 40 pounds. 40. Just to give you a point of reference, Shorty does around 125 L-Bs on that machine.

Now let's not get it twisted - I don't laugh at what people lift - I can't bench much more than my own weight, but this was bad. The funny part; however, occurred after Marvin traded positions with Derek. Derek wants to increase the weight, but Marvin tells him that it gets really hard around 5 or 6 so he shouldn't. So, Derek jumps on and pounds out 12 reps in like 20 seconds. Right when Derek finishes, Marvin says "Wasn't that f---ing hard?" and Derek says "No. I didn't even feel like it worked me out." Awesome. You could tell that Marvin was pissed but determined to show that his workout would wear Derek out.

Marvin and Derek move through about 3 more machines until Derek looks at Marvin and says (this is an exact quote) "You are weak. I apparently have the strength of you plus me." This, not surprisingly, pissed of Marvin, so on the next machine (which happened to be right next to mine), he tries to throw up 200 pounds. Of course, he immediately hurt himself and Derek had to help him out of the weight room.

I don't know why this was so funny, and describing it probably doesn't do it justice, but it just seemed like a real life version of Michael and Dwight from The Office. The previous story is 100% true.

***If you want to skip the long story, just start reading here.***The best part of it all? The old guy (Marvin) was wearing Reebok Pumps.



Have a good weekend.

24 Season 7 Preview

When I moved to Lincoln, I left knowing that I would be back in just a few months. I knew that Nebraska would play Texas at football and that I would take the opportunity to go visit.

So, Shorty and I bought plane tickets and lined up football tickets, but since, as a Nebraska fan, I've been kicked in the nuts over-and-over again this year, I've given up the football tickets. Fortunately, I still kept the plane tickets and this afternoon, I'm flying to Austin (in fact, I may be flying right now while you're reading this). Unfortunately, this means that I probably won't be updating the blog as I'll be doing other stuff like gorging myself with delicious food and visiting a certain street. I should be back with some stories/pictures/and videos on Monday.

Speaking of Mondays, one of my favorite things about Mondays is 24. Well, the Season 7 trailer is going to be released "officially" today sometime, but its already been leaked onto the Internets. And, you know I'm gonna give it an entire post.



Holy Nuts, Tony Almeda! After a mediocre season 6 plot (although the Bauer kills were awesome), I'm hoping season 7 rebounds. Not to be outdone by Jack Bauer, here's a video of a wasted Kiefer Sutherland. I don't need to say anymore.

Let Me Tell You Why My Life's A Trainwreck

So, my wife is on fall break. This is a good thing for her...bad thing for me. We went to Elkhorn Omaha to see her parents after the beat-down on Saturday for the rest of the weekend. I came back on Sunday night, but Shorty stayed with her parents until yesterday afternoon (This is why I had no computer to write my post for yesterday - it was still with her in O-town).

In any case, by myself I watched a lot of TV, I got a lot done around the house (boring stuff I won't talk about) and I went to bed around the same time I normally do, only by myself (obviously, because Shorty is in Omaha). So this morning rolls around and I hear my alarms, and I had been dreaming that it was the weekend so I shut them off (I think, I don't really remember). 9:20am rolls around and I wake up and realize that its not the weekend and on weekdays I'm usually at work about 90 minutes earlier than it was right now.

It would be one thing if this happened once or twice, but if Shorty's not around this happens all the time. I have to set like 90 alarms and basically not sleep/wake up every hour-or-so in order to not be late. It happens often enough that my boss (who also happened to live with me throughout college) just assumed that's what happened and didn't worry about me. I could just disappear off the face of the earth and no one would know I was gone for like 10-20 hours. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Anyway, fortunately I have these two random dudes who can tell me how to get my dream life.



Ah the Internets. That's right. You know what? I love the Internets. You know what else I love? Monday Night Football. Here's a clip from MNF. I'm not sure when crowd shots became popular, but if I knew that, I might be able to figure out when people started realizing they were in a crowd shot and started doing stupid/awesome things. Don't know what I'm talking about? Tired of all the question marks in this paragraph? I have just the thing for you. I just missed this clip last night (I was walking down my steps between TVs...well, not the TVs, but the floors in my house that have TVs), but my boy Blair called me like 30 seconds after it happened to tell me about it. And, of course, it only took about 2 hours to show up on the Internets. See - that Internets thing is already paying off!

Attack of Not-Hetero Videos

So yesterday, I got into a discussion about some of the clubs I went to when I was in Vegas. Outside of the outrageous cover and ridiculously priced drinks, they were a lot of fun. The best part of it all may have been watching my brother-in-law get one of those smiles on his face while looking at the club's dancers.

In any case, the discussion then moved to clubs in Lincoln, which are decidedly less extravagent (fortunately the drink prices match the ambiance). I've never been to one, but a little known fact about Lincoln is that it has it's very own prominent gay bar. I've never been (although, I have been invited by a guy once - not a gay guy, though. He was in my fraternity and it was to watch a burlesque show...this isn't making me sound any less gay...I didn't go) and I don't anticipate ever going, but I used to drive by it every night on my way home from school, so I could probably get there with my eyes closed (any less gay yet?).

Why so much talk about a gay club? Well, I just got word that some guy I know just came out of the closet. It's not all that big of a surprise - we all said were serious when we said he liked the cod piece - but its just like Chris Rock said, you may know, but you don't really know until they say it. Anyway, in honor of that, I've got a bunch of videos that I've been saving for a random occasion like this, so here's a couple of them with minimal added commentary from me.

We'll start with the most ridiculous break making video you'll ever see.



Here's Electric Six's "Gay Bar." Its moderately NSFW, but its all dudes, so not really. It's not as funny as Bear Force One but its still pretty ridiculous.



Here's one last video entitled "It's OK to Be Gay." Honestly, just mute this one and watch it for the extravagant costumes. They are soooooo unbelieveable. I mean, this is one of the gayest things I have ever seen. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Casual Dress Friday: Too Much Reading...

Its a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower and I have been sitting here for like 2 hours unable to type anything. I was going to post everyday this week and it just didn't happen. So, here I am sitting in front of the laptop trying to type something out that will make me laugh.

Sadly, I think my problem is that I'm reading too much now. Generally, reading is considered a good thing, but I have a feeling that I'm doing too much. You see, in my reader it says that I've read over 13,000 items over the last 30 days. That equates out to be around 433.33 items/day. Even if I only spend 30 seconds on each item, that equates out to be over 5 hours-a-day of reading. 5 freaking hours. Let's be honest, for a guy that like to watch between 3-5 hours of TV a day, reading this much is unacceptable. And now I've typed two straight paragraphs without so much as a video or picture, forcing you to incur the same fate as myself (and to top it off I even included some math!).

As a result, for post #199, I'm giving you a throwback post for the rest of the post. A few videos, a little text and no real plot. We'll start with the incomparable Oprah. Apparently, that video disappeared overnight. I have replaced it with a video of a younger, skinnier Charles Barkley dominating Barney.



That's not as funny as the Oprah one, but still kinda funny. At least the next clip is funny, even though its from MadTV.



If only that was on something other than MadTV it would actually be really funny. In any case, you know I can't leave you with a MadTV clip, so here's a ridiculous (and moderately NSFW) video about box eating.



Finally, here's a video of Michigan WR Mario Manningham doing the worm to celebrate Michigan's W over Penn State. I don't know why I love this so much, but I've watched it close to 100 times.



If that doesn't get you excited for football, hopefully you at least enjoyed videos.

Have a good weekend.

September 26 = Shorty's Birthday

Yesterday, I talked about a lot of movies that I saw (or didn't see this summer) and I realized that all kinds of TV starts this week. I think Shorty alone is recording like 10-12 hours this week. So, in honor of the TV that's starting, here's Stewie and Brian Griffin at last week's Primetime Emmy's.



There'll be more about TV tomorrow, but if you read the title you can guess that today is Shorty's (aka my wife) birphday and I would be remiss if I didn't dedicate a post to her.

Shorty's birthday is one of like 10 birthday's that I remember off-hand anymore. For pretty much everything else I rely on The Facebook.com. Unfortunately, I only check the Facebook about once or twice a week, so every now and then I miss a birthday. Anyway, I want to thank Shorty for going to bed every night around 10 - 10:30. This gives me plenty of time to sit here and write (although you'd think I'd mix in a few more posts with that much time, huh), maintain my 8 bazillion fantasy/pickem leagues and talk to the guy you call my "boyfriend" (I should clarify, I'm not gay - not that there's anything wrong with that).

So what better way to celebrate Shorty turning 25 years old then to have a music video* of 4 dudes that I cannot explain.



So, yeah, happy birthday, Shorty! If you couldn't figure it out, the name of that band is Bear Force 1. I'm pretty sure its a joke, but if its not, it is awesome.

But in all seriousness, if you didn't know, Shorty has quit her job and started over twice during the last 14 months, just to move for my job. And while she hasn't really been happy about it either time, she's made the best of it and I couldn't have done it without her. So as she turns old today, tell her thanks for keeping the skeet thrower throwing (niiiiice).

* Also, thanks to one of my favorite interns, Dan Cromer, for providing me with this brilliant link.

"I want to tell you why I grieve, but why I do not despair."

It's been a long time since I've posted something serious here on the old blogger and I figured 1 every 100 posts or so would be ok. Since its the anniversary of 9/11, I wanted to show one of the coolest speeches that a lot of people didn't see. I remember watching this and thinking that this was probably one of the most important speeches I would watch for a while. And it was coming from Jon Stewart. I won't add any commentary as I think Jon says it better than I could.



How skinny was Jon Stewart? Regular skeet throwing will return tomorrow.

Casual Dress Friday: Where Did Carlton Alfonso Go?

Its a Casual Dress Friday and its been a crazy last 24 hours for me. Here's a list of the things I've done:

1. Watched Shorty move from healthy, to deathly ill, to OK, to sick


2. Realized that I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life in the last few months


3. Finally broken ground on a top-secret project that will change our (yes, that's you and me) lives forever


4. Redesigned the blog, a whole 10 posts ahead of schedule (theres a column on the left side now!)

See? I've been very busy. And that list doesn't even factor in the start of the college football or NFL seasons this week or my brother getting married last weekend. Busy times!

You know what I like to do when I get busy and feel like I don't have enough energy? Stay up a little later than I should and mix in some old-school Fresh Prince featuring former man-crush Will Smith.

Most of the time that cheers me up. But last night my mind drifted off on Carlton Alfonso Ribeiro. On a side note, until today I always thought it was Riveiro, not Ribeiro, huh. How did a talent like this just drift off into the sunset? He was clearly a higher profile guy than Will Smith going into that show - so how did he fall off. If nothing else, I guarantee you that he had more street cred thanks to dances like this.



That scene right there may have very well propelled the next few years of Carlton's Alfonso's life. He got a record deal featuring the single Dance Baby, was featured in a Pepsi commercial with Michael Jackson and wrote a book in which he discusses how to break dance (it even comes with a fold-out breaking board and a soundtrack). Here's the advertisement for the book.



I want to know how many people that couldn't/shouldn't dance, bought "Breakin' and Poppin'" and tried to learn to dance (and rap). Let's be honest, I would have been one of those people. For $19.95, I'm upset I missed out on that hot-ass deal...I just tried calling that number from the commercial. No one answered. If you get through, let me know.

So, Carlton Alfonso was on TV, had a MTV commercial, a CD and a book deal all 5-10 years before Will Smith even appeared on TV. So how come no one thinks of Carlton Alfonso anymore. I mean, he was in an Andy Williams Christmas Special. He could have had his own Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Float. How come he's not in feature films or making CD's called Big Carlton Alfonso Style? I guess we'll never know.

If nothing else, couldn't some one get Carlton Alfonso on the newest edition of DWTS? I mean Kelly from 90210 (it looks like Brian Austin Green should have watched "Breakin' and Poppin'") is on there and she was a shady biatch when she stole Dillon from Brenda (not that I hold a grudge or anything).

Update: I just put my check in the mail and mailed it to that Breakin' and Poppin' address. I expect to receive my book pronto or else I'm coming for you Carlton Alfonso.

Have a good weekend.

Has It Really Been Over A Week?

Yes, it appears it has. So, here's what happened - I had a funny post written last week, and then the power died at work. I lost like 15 minutes of work, said I would get to it later but never did. Suddenly, it was Friday, so I wrote a SuperBad post, which I posted and then pulled immediately because it had like 5 clips from the movie, and, honestly, I was afraid they might have been the only funny parts so I didn't want to ruin it for you people. Fortunately, the movie was freaking hilarious (albeit a bit crude - I wouldn't recommend it for mi madre). I highly recommend it - I think it was better than Knocked Up. Back to my excuses - this weekend, my brother graduated, so my parents flew into town and stayed with me. Finally, I played a lot of Wii, but thanks to some bullshit from Super Mario Strikers Charged, I'm finally off of my Wii high.

Anyway, I finally decided to finish the post from last week. It is posted below.

---

My boy Wheezy may not remember this, but on the first weekend of college my freshman year, a guy named Fatback was introducing me to a bunch of people he knew in the dorms. When he introduced me to Wheezy, he called him one of the funniest guys he knew. Wheezy then proceeded to show me a video of him and his friends doing some ridiculously choreographed wooden sword fight, which they did solely because they had long wood...en swords. Why am I talking about this? Because of this video.



What in the hell is this? Wheezy's video was clearly the case of a couple guys being goofy. These people, however, are running around doing some real-life world of warcraft shit, or something like that. I think someone trying to use a ho (SFW) as a weapon. You do this when your like 8 not 18-35. Also, as recklessly as these people are swinging their swords, they apparently have never seen this video (some NSFW language).



For some reason, that video reminds me of a more ridiculous version of the Dodgeball instructional video and this ridiculous German Forklift video that is a must watch if you have never seen it. Its long, but worth it (that's what she said).



If you're counting, that's two ridiculous videos featuring someone's hand getting cut-off. If that craziness is too much for you, perhaps some real-life weirdness is what you need. Here's a video where you see John Stamos' weird, and I mean weird, belly button (as a bonus, you also get Tom Selleck's and Conan's belly buttons).

Wii + Birthday + Olympics = No Posting

So here's how my life has gone since Wednesday:

Thursday: Work until late, then go buy the last Wii in Lincoln. Unable to play Wii because I worked in my wife's classroom until 11:30.

Friday: Took the dog to the vet, paid a bunch of bills, went car shopping and played some Wii and some DS. Then my wife and her friend threw me and a friend a surprise birthday party. Good times.

Saturday: Car shopping then Beer Olympics (which took all day).

Sunday: Sleep and work in Shorty's classroom. Then play some Wii at night.

What does all of this mean? Unfortunately, I'm behind on the Internets and am short on posts. Sorry. I won't leave you without a video (two actually) today. Here's evidence that Joakim Noah still can't dance.



He should prolly just go ahead and take a cue from this chick (I love that Kanye's remix of that Daft Punk song, by the way). In other news, here is a kid that is trying to follow in Noah's footsteps.



Looks like he'll have to work on the athletics a little bit.

Give Me the Gold

Before I get going today, I want to thank everyone for the birthday wishes (I even got a birthday post). It seems like just yesterday that I was writing this post thanking everyone for my birthday last year. On a side note, there's a good Siete de Augusto (that's my birthday in Spanish) reference after Flight of the Conchords sing in this video.

Now that I'm 24, I decided that I would look back over some older videos to see if I still thought they were funny, even though I'm a year older. So, yesterday I watched a bunch of older videos - turns out they are still funny. One that I laughed at really hard for some reason is the Leprechaun video.



Undoubtedly, almost everyone has seen that and the corresponding music video. I want the gold. These people are crazy and they are from the south, and, since I grew up in the south, I knew there had to be more crazy videos on the internets about people from the south. Sufficiently distracted (the guy in that video used to be a big-shot with Diddy - he's fallen off big-time), I began searching for something. Lo and behold, I came across James the narcoleptic tree cutter.



I'm not sure whether that's funny or scary. Ok, let's be honest - that's hilarious. How can you not be dead if you're narcoleptic (the dog in that video is named Skeeter!) and you climb trees? How has he not cut off his leg/arm/head yet? These are the questions that we need to have answered and whenever I can't figure something out, I turn to people who are older than I to help me solve the question. Of course, I'm not really sure who to turn to when I find out that my elders made/watched this movie.



First of all, let's get something straight. I don't turn to people that are older than me, I turn to the Internets. Second, what is that movie? Who OK'd that title? I guess that was supposed to be a comedy movie. Here's the IMDB plot summary:

Two black bounty hunters ride into a small town out West in pursuit of an outlaw. They discover that the town has no sheriff, and soon take over that position, much against the will of the mostly white townsfolk. They raise hell, chase women, and milk the locals for cash, while waiting for the opportunity to get their man.

My favorite part of that clips is when Fred Williamson kisses that chick and says "That's to satisfy your curiosity." Well done, sir - curiosity satisfied.

Week In Recap: King Size Me

Its the return of the week in recap! Actually, I just decided its not worth writing a recap whenever I only post a couple times a week. Anyway, on Friday, my wife and I had a king size bed delivered. Now, some of you that know my wife and I may be asking "Why in the hell do you two need a king size bed?" Well, it turns out that my wife is bed-hog and she tries to sleep on our entire queen. As a result, we decided to upgrade to a bigger bed. Of course, my dog will still try to sleep right next to me, no matter how much room there is on the bed.

Even though we got the bed on Friday, we haven't had a chance to sleep on it yet - we've been in Omaha all weekend (and we didn't have any sheets that fit it anyway). We're going back tonight, so it will be awesome to finally get our first night's rest on the king bed. But, enough about me...

On to the Recap...

On Monday, I told you about my weekend in Kansas City, including my trip to a gay bar.

I gave you a glimpse at QVC, a channel I've started watching again, on Wednesday.

Friday was a quick post (pictures!) - in which I complained about JoJo's response to Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls". I also included a clip from a terrible X-Games accident where a guy walked away. I watched a little bit more this weekend and saw this, called the "Kiss of Death Backflip." Pretty Bad Ass.



Have a good week.

Does TMNT Talk Work at a Gay Bar?

This last weekend was my bro's bachelor party. We went down to Kansas City and did the standard stuff - Hooters, baseball, beer, etc. For me, the craziest stuff happened on Saturday night (fortunately, I didn't do anything to piss off my wife). I was bored at the bar we were at, so I decided to go find another somewhere else. Turns out I ended up going by myself. So, here I am in downtown KC, walking down the street at like 12:15 am trying to find a bar to walk into. I walk about a block and am presented with 2 immediate choices: 1) a bar that appears to be full of bikers, and 2) a bar that is playing hip-hop and pop, but I can't see inside. Figuring that I would take a shot to the face at the biker bar, I went into the hip-hop bar. Besides, I had seen a couple normal looking people go in already, so I wasn't too worried about it.

Of course, as I enter the door, I realize that there's a f-ing cover. I hate covers, but I paid it anyway (it was only $5) and made my way up to the bar and ordered a beer. I quickly realized that something wasn't right - I appeared to have stumbled into one of KC's premier gay bars. Good times! Seeing as how I myself am not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) I was again presented with 2 choices: 1) immediately leave or 2) pony up to the bar and people watch. Seeing as how I was by myself, had already paid a cover and the Boulevard was only $1, I decided to stick it out.

Let's be honest, I saw some things that night that I never really want to see again (a fishnet thong does not look good on a male) and some things that intrigued me (there was a dance floor full of lesbians - I'll let you dream up the details (SFW)) but overall the people were actually really nice. In fact, you may not find nicer people than at a gay bar. The nicest person may have been my butch bartender, Marge, who reminded me of this chick.



Sadly, Marge was not that chick or else I could have impessed her with my TMNT knowledge. Like reciting the lines from this PSA (apparently Mike had the munchies while filming that commercial). On the other hand, if Marge was that chick, I may be dead - there's no telling what a psycho chick like that would do. This chick is over the top. I don't even know what to say and since this is my job, I'll switch the topic...

...Speaking of Marge, I saw The Simpson's Movie this weekend. Funny? Yes. Very funny? Nah. It was very well executed and translated much better than the South Park movie, I think. Of course, the slight disappointment I felt should be brought back by Superbad which has me very excited.

Week In Recap: Wheezy's Birfday Birthday

I'm OK with the Facebook.com. I don't really check it that often, but there is one thing that I pretty much couldn't live without: the birthday reminders. I'm usually pretty good about remembering birthdays but every once in a while I would miss one. Now that doesn't happen.

One birthday I wouldn't miss? My boy Wheezy's birthday. Hope you have a good one, brother. To celebrate, here's a ridiculous birthday song for you.



On to the recap...

On Monday, we celebrated Memorial Day by taking a look at National Anthem Disasters.

Wednesday we looked at a different disaster, the Miss Universe 2007 competition.

The first post of June was Friday and we took a look at some funny-ass videos from Michael Cera. The second video in that post is a spoof of a ridiculous video that someone attached to their resume. If you haven't seen it before (or in the last week or so), I recommend that you watch it.



Have a good week.

May 1 = I'm Getting Old

Last year about this time I was finishing up college a second time. I had no finals (grad school is awesome), so I was all done except for the ceremony and the party.

Anyway, I feel like I'm a lot older this May than I did last May. Maybe that's what working does to you (how smart does Wheezy seem now...). I don't know. Now I'm rambling like Bruce Willis.



In any case, I've picked myself in the Death Pool this week. I'm predicting that this may be the week that my luck runs out and my age catches up to me (or my wife finally kills me, its a toss up).

So, if you don't see any posts from me over the next week or so, I'm probably dead. Or just really busy. But probably dead (they really stepped up the violence in those things. That escalated quickly.).

But I digress, the whole point of today's column was to show you this video which you may/may not have seen. It is Will Ferrell working as a trainer for USC football player.



Is it his best work? No. Is it funny? Absolutley. Is it better than this David Hasslehoff lightsaber fight? You tell me. On a side note, Will Ferrell's new video site that is supposed to compete with YouTube.com could be cool except it is like watching porn videos on a freaking modem. Too Damn Slow.

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In other news, I hope you enjoyed Testosterone week. Sorry about the lack of a recap and post on Sunday/Monday. I was traveling again this weekend and I arrived in Austin fairly late Sunday, forcing me to play catch up all day Monday. I will fill you in to the details of my trip this week.

Anyway, here's the closing recap of Testosterone Week (I'm including last week's recap because that Shannon Elizabeth post was awesome).

Last Sunday, I kicked off Testosterone Week with a clip of Shannon Elizabeth taking down a banana.

Monday was the first official post of the week told women to know their role.

Wednesday had, among other things, a Get Some Nuts commercial and an old-school karate fight.

Friday was the last post of the week and brought the BCS Top 5 Chicas. The comments on that post should be examined and will be addressed soon...

Have a good week.

Casual Dress Friday: BCS Top 5 Chicas

It's a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower and I wanted to apologize for the number of NSFW links on Wednesday's post. I wanted to, really. Then I remembered that this is the Skeet Thrower and I don't have to apologize for anything.

Anyway, I've been talking about my BCS ratings for a long time. Obviously you all know about the BCS Man Crush List and the BCS Bottom Five, but what started these conversations was the discussion of the BCS Top Five Chicas. Today, as promised, I am bringing you my list.

As always, we'll start with the rules:

The Rules:

1. A person on the list must have a box


2. I can only set the list once a year. Once set, I must wait until the new calendar year to set a new BCS list baring a catastrophic incident to someone on the list


3. If someone on the list were to say "Skeet Thrower, I love your blog, let's have a good skeet throwing session," I could partake and my wife couldn't get mad.

And that's it. With that I introduce to you my list.

Skeet Thrower's Note: For the rest of today's post just assume that the link is moderately NSFW unless I say otherwise. As with all of my links, I won't crest PG-13 - this is a family site.

The BCS Top 5 Chicas

5. Wild Card: Christina Milian

The number 5 spot is the Wild Card spot. This is where I like to place my under-the-radar (SFW) hot chick that most people forget about/don't know. This year, as it has been for like the last three years, it is Christina Milian (SFW). I'm not sure what it is, but I think it started with this music video and continued in this video (SFW) and steam-rolled right through Be Cool (SFW), which wasn't a very good movie by the way. She's pretty hot and a good way to start off my list.

4. Most Obtainable: Elisha Cuthbert

The number 4 slot I like to reserve for the most attainable chica on the list. Now, that doesn't mean that she's an easy pickup; rather, I think that if I had a legitamite shot (SFW) with anyone on this list, she'd be the one that I'd have the best shot with. Anyway, Elisha came onto my radar with the movie The Girl Next Door (which is surprisingly good, especially if Elisha is on your list). That said, what really solidified her on my list is her role as Kim Bauer in 24 (Damnit, I love that show...)

3. Eva Longoria

I talked about Eva a lot on Monday (SFW), so I won't rehash this too much. Let's be honest, Eva came out of no where with Desperate Housewives (did you ever wonder why they kept showing her in lingerie in the commercials during football) and she's been riding in the BCS ever since.

This year; however, Eva fell to number three (from number two) because this commercial (SFW) sucks.



2. Vanessa Marcil

She's number two, so I'll give you two reasons why she's on this list: 1) She's on the show Las Vegas, which I love and 2) She's smoking hot. Other than that I'll let these two (SFW) videos do the talking.

This is an old one you've seen before:



And this one is awesome:



1. Salma Hayek

I don't know if you've ever seen Desperado (an awesome movie, and as much as I want to, I can't show you her defining scene from that movie...but I will show you another scene from that movie in a second) or From Dusk Till Dawn (a crappy movie), but those two movies should pretty much sum it up. Salma is hot and was probably at the top of the BCS even before there was a BCS list. Keep up the good work, Salma.

This ends the perpetual NSFW warning.

So that's my BCS list. I hope you enjoy. I also hope this helps you come up with your own BCS list. Then you could do something creepy and make a Star Doll out of them. (What in the hell is that Star Doll thing? Paper dolls? 6+ million hits?!?)

Anyway, since this is Testosterone Week we need to end with a gun fight. I promised you a scene from Desperado and now I am delivering to you the bar fight. This is a bad-ass scene where Antonio Banderas kills a bunch of random dudes. Great way to start a movie (and waste 10 minutes on a Friday).



Have a good weekend.