Monday, March 31, 2008

Over The Hills

No new SNL again this week (how do they have a "return" episode and then follow it up with 2 off weeks?). It was the Ellen page episode again, so at least it had the funny Milkshake skit.

In any case, last week in the Skeet Thrower Draft I picked LC. I thought this was a great pick, but some people didn't even know who she was. I would show you some clips, but MTV shows are a bitch to embed. Fortunately for us, has recreated scenes from "The Hills" with old people and called it "Over The Hills." If you have ever watched any version of "The Hills" or "Laguna Beach," I think you'll enjoy these. If you haven't, then you'll quickly learn why I hate LC.

Here's another clip from a discussion that I assume happened after the previous clip (I have no clue because I don't watch the show). I would include links to more, but the player includes them right at the bottom of the video for me.

Have a good week.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Friday Video Attack!

Sorry about the lack of posts this week. Turns out I've been really busy at work and Shorty is on spring break this week so I haven't gotten anything posted. I haven't even played video games...I just sit and watch TV and sleep at home.

Anyway, congrats to Laura for winning the last week's Skeet Thrower Draft in a tight battle at the top. Her draft of Paris Hilton, Ann Coulter, Rosie O'Donnell, and Dustin Diamond brought home the victory. So she can celebrate until next week.

I was planning on writing a BCS List this week, but the aforementioned lack of time has forced me to push it back. To make it up to you, here is a ridiculous video dump of stuff I saw throughout the week.

First is a trailer for The Fist Foot Way, a movie that looks awesomely ridiculous. It contains NSFW language (thanks to Laura for the link.

Here's an awesome video of an NBA player getting the cold shoulder from his teammates. (A little back story, in the NBA after a free-throw, miss or make it doesn't matter, his teammates give him a little dap. But Andrew Bogut, an NBA player, talked some shit about the rest of the American NBA players. So apparently his teammates said "F- you" and didn't high-five him here.) He decides to improvise which is funny.

I don't comment on political stuff here and so I usually avoid political videos, but this one is too good to pass up.

I don't care whether you like Hilary or not, that video should make you laugh. I think that guy broke into J-Lo's "Let's Get Loud" at one point there. Also, and maybe it's just me, that video is in no way going to make me want to vote for Hilary... While we're looking at awesome music, you may remember the Bulgarian Idol video from a few posts ago, well, here's another one you should enjoy.

I'll be back in full force next week (maybe...hopefully - I'm going to be out of town from Tuesday - Sunday).

Have a good weekend.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Re: Restroom Etiquette

No new SNL this week, which means no SNL clips from me. It did surprise me that my DVR didn't tell me who the guest host was, however. All it said was "An ensemble cast performs a variety of skits," which psyched me out until I figured out it was a rerun.

It was Easter, so I'll give them a break. In the meantime, I'll give you some required reading. First of all, if you haven't read and voted in the latest Skeet Thrower Draft, you should do that. I'll be announcing a winner in this Friday's post, so voting will be open until then.

Second, you should really start reading Todd's Blournal, specifically, his Men's Restroom Etiquette series. His first real post on the issue, Sight and Sound, is really funny, spot on and has some interesting discussion in the comments.

Special bonus, it has given me a reason to post an animated video about restroom etiquette that I've been trying to find a reason to post for almost 2 years. Its over the top but also SFW, just so you know.

I usually leave the animated stuff to Wheezy (he knows that stuff better than myself), but here's some more animated stuff - its the "outtakes" from the video above. I think are kinda funny, especially if you talk to Wheezy about some of the hassles of animating.

So go read Todd's Blournal and Wheezy's blog and have a good week.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Skeet Thrower Draft: Wipe One Person From The Earth

Well, after the last draft (congrats to Ross for narrowly pulling that out...that's what she said) got such good feedback, I've decided to keep it as a staple.

No need to wast time - I welcome you to the second Skeet Thrower Draft.

Topic: Wipe One Person from the Face of the Earth, or, more specifically, if you could make one person disappear forever, it would be this person. You're not killing them, just making them and their influence disappear. This is what blogs were made for, right?

Participants: Wheezy, Myself, Laura, Adam, and Ross (same as last time, different order)

4 rounds, snaking order. Go.

First Round

1. Wheezy: Carlos Mencia.

Ross: Link

2. MM: Fergie.
Need Evidence?
Big Girls Don't Cry (plus annoying remix)
My Humps
London Bridge

How much better would the world be without this face?

Dan: I must say, so far this draft is off to a WONDERFUL start.

MM: Please don't watch all of the videos I linked. You may shoot yourself in the face.

3. Laura: Paris Hilton
I really hope that doesn't need an explanation.

Wheezy: I thought someone already took care of that (graphic violence warning). Wait... that's just a MOVIE? Balls.

Laura: SICK.

4. Adam: Billy Packer
I've had some late warroom debates over this pick. I think I'm going to select to Billy Packer with my first round selection. His constant analysis just kills the buzz of every game he and his boy Nantz do. Its not that his analysis isn't sound, it's just the opposite of what makes the tournament and college basketball great. The Final Four is always such a drag because everyone's sitting through a 6 hour thesis about zone defenses. I don't care if he's right. I want screaming and people telling me I'm watching the greatest game of all time.

Draft Note: The following comment for some reason stayed in my drafts box and never made it into the draft, but I'm including it anyway
MM: Fair enough. But how can you hate Packer after he gave us this comment:

5. Ross:Bill O'Reilly.
I know you like to keep it clean here, but fuck that guy. I almost left this one for Wheezy, but he needs to go now.

Wheezy: I wish I would have picked him first now. Good job, Ross.

Second Round

6. Ross: Kathy Griffin
In an effort to avoid all political picks I'm going to change gears and go with Kathy Griffin, or maybe it's Griffith. I can never remember, and I'm not going to waste my time looking for a webpage to validate her name. Watching one of her stand up bits was like watching a train wreck. It was so awful, but I couldn't look away. There was one whole bit where the entire punchline was her just saying wiggity wack, over and over again. Well Kathy, with my second pick, you are wiggity whacked.

Laura: This pains me to admit, but there are now two people drafted that I like...

Wheezy: It better be Griffith(n?) and Fergie because if it's O'Reilly or Mencia I'm petitioning the internet to disown you from the human race. No offense.

7. Adam: Jared the Subway Guy
I can't figure out if Subway is legitimately trying to get the general public to convert to a diet that consists completely of sub sandwiches, or if the intent is just to dwell on the fact that Jared was so f-ing fat that he somehow justified eating sub sandwiches for the rest of his life in order to somehow IMPROVE his quality of life - but whatever it is, we get it. We don't need to be raped by this meaningless marketing campaign for another ten years. You guys sell ham sandwiches, and Michael Strahan and Tony Stewart once hung out with a guy that used to be fat and decided ham sandwiches for every fucking meal would be an acceptable way to spend the rest of his life.

8. Laura: Ann Coulter

9. MM: Tyra Banks
I really hate a lot of people on this list. A lot. But the worst thing to me is when someone moves from OK to ludicrous. Tyra Banks used to be hot, she was banging Chris Webber back when he was cool and she was in the swimsuit edition back when that mattered. Then all of a sudden she drops off the deep end. Now, she's just really, really annoying. I want to punch her every time I see her and what makes it worse is that her talk show made it and Tony Danza's didn't. I could give you so many ridiculous clips as evidence, but here the worst.

10. Wheezy: Peter Liguori - President of Entertainment, FOX Broadcasting
I was going to save this for a later draft pick, but I'm worried that Ross will steal a second of my brilliant draft line up. So for my second pick I bring you: Peter Liguori. Why?

President of Entertainment? How about President of horrible horrible decisions.

Third Round

11. Wheezy: Mohammed bin Dhaen al-Hamli - President of Opec.
For my next pick, I'm once again to to choose the head of an organization I dislike based on the logic that he has the most influence over the decisions of that organization. Because I drive a V8 Ford Explorer and I can't even fill my car up at the since most stations cut off the pumps automatically at $50. I'm gonna have to start riding around on a Vespa.

MM: That is impressive. I was not expecting an oil tycoon. Seems like you're really starting to hate on presidents of corporations...

Wheezy: Just don't go making yourself president of anything in the next couple of days and I think everybody will make it through unscathed.

12. MM: Lauren Conrad
I love pointless debates (technically, that's all this is), but the debate over who I would rather bang between ultra-hot Kristen and whiny Lauren pissed me off. Not because I don't like hypothetical who'd you rathers but because the show "Laguna Beach" hurt my brain. Usually a sucker for MTV programming, I hated that scripted reality show and represents all that is wrong with our society. Why would she choose her boyfriend over Paris? Why would anyone choose her over Kristen? Why do I know this much about a show I don't watch/hate. Anyway, she would have fallen off the radar until I heard MTV is bringing her damn show back again. Fuck. She's like a zombie vampire that just won't stop sucking my soul away because even though I'm not watching her I know she's lurking...just waiting to eat my brains.

13. Laura: Rosie O'Donnell
Seriously? That pick was so harsh that it's taken me all day to move past it. But I have: League of Their Own, Sleepless in Seattle, and Now and Then. Those are the only things I can think of that i found her remotely entertaining and the last one was 13 years ago. Besides just being worthless, the whole Trump feud made her annoying. You also can't forget about the Flock of Seagulls haircut.

MM: Man, I hate Rosie. But you can't seriously tell me you like LC? That be the 3rd person in this draft that you like - and that scares me a lot

Wheezy:Rosie was on my list of picks and almost made the cut - but then I had an epiphany whilst filling up on gas. Good pick Ms. Brown. Sorry to say (or maybe proud to say?) I don't even know who Lauren Conrad is. But I take Mueller's word that she's a horrible person. So good pick to you as well.

14. Adam: Kirk Herbstreit.
My third round pick should've been my first. Nebraskans have long cited his bitter attacks against Husker Fans in the "vote for the best teams of all time" special featured all over the youtoob, but just as offensive but also overlooked was the way he voted Penn State '94 ahead of Nebraska '95 in his greatest teams of all time countdown in the bowl season of 05-06. A countdown, which by the way, included an '05 USC as the GREATEST TEAM OF ALL TIME, that would then go on to lose to Texas in the Rose Bowl. This guy constantly lavishes praise upon how dominant USC is, but his constant claims of Big Ten strength are the most damning of his many offenses. His constant attention and assumed competence of the conference inevitably leads towards the Big Ten finding itself with two BCS teams, and again famously threw a fit when Florida was picked to the BCS title game over Michigan. When he's just an ass about greatest teams of all time, it's annoying. But when he keeps the Big Ten relevant - even when they're the worst they've ever been - it's a crime. I hate Kirk Herbstreit and his woman-swooning ways.

MM: I remember back when Herbie wasn't an overly tan, "the best team this year is the best team all-time", Big Ten cocksucker. Those were good times.

Wheezy: Oh Kirk. How far you've fallen.

15. Ross: Keenan Thompson
My final two picks have been difficult. Although the list of worthy candidates is long it finally hit me that Kenan Thompson should be my third pick. He is great at a few things. Unfortunately those things are being unfunny, annoying and making me want to punch Kenan Thompson. He is bad at many things, most noticeably acting and making me laugh. He's so awful that I would not be satisfied to just see him removed from SNL. Good riddance Kenan!

Fourth Round

16. Ross: Dick Cheney
I almost decided to go with a tag team pick of Horatio Sanz, but he's already off SNL and quickly acting his way into obscurity. Instead I choose Dick Cheney. In case somebody after me picks Dubya, I don't want to live in a fictional world where this man is president. No, not even if that fictional world contains no O'Reilly, Kathy Griffin/th, Kenan, Mencia et al. Again I'm going to avoid getting into the politics and it will have to suffice to say the world would be a better place without this man.

17. Adam: Nancy Grace
My fourth and final round selection goes out to select Nancy Grace. It's a close race between her, Lou Dobbs, and Glenn Beck for most miserable and most destructive personality on CNN, but Nancy takes the prize with her throwing of that whole "innocent until proven guilty" perspective out the window. It takes a special bitch to drive one of your interviewees to kill themselves following coming on your show.

Draft Note: This is just a funny Nancy Grace video...

18. Laura: Dustin Diamond
I thought about rounding out my picks with another female. Maybe Tara Reid (she's just pathetic now though) or Rachel Ray (overexposure = bad, recipes = still good). Then last night I was flipping channels and I was visually assaulted by none other than Dustin Diamond. That's right, he's gone on a second season of Celebrity Fit Club. Why can't he go and leave my sweet Screech memories alone? The sex tape was bad, so was the whole house foreclosure t-shirt-selling scam. I could forget those if he disappeared into obscurity, but he refuses. Foul-mouthed and overweight he clings to every second of fame. Get off my TV!!!

19. MM: Tom Cruise
4th round is tough...basically you're pure hatred is gone and now you're just looking for that one person that really pisses me off whenever I see them. Look, I used to love TC. Mission Impossible was great. And how can you not love Jerry Maguire (if Jay Mohr were more relevant, he'd be one of my top picks by the way)? The list of movies I have enjoyed from Mr. Cruise dates back to before I was born, but he's gone off the deep end lately and is the key representative of a "cult". If it was just him, I'd be ok with it, but he took down underrated hottie Katie Holmes (who no longer qualifies because of her craziness) and former BCS Man Crush Will Smith. Now I can't watch the Fresh Prince anymore because all I can think about is how Will Smith is now an idiot. I blame you for this Tom Cruise. You took the Fresh Prince from me. Damn you.

20. Wheezy: Dr. Phil
Like everybody before me has voiced, these last picks were pretty tough. As I was thinking through the list of possible people, I realized that I didn't truly HATE most of these people, they just annoyed me with their rampant stupidity. Is that enough to be "Removed from the Face of the Planet"? Probably not. Most people don't take the likes of Carrot Top seriously, so he's not doing much aside from distilling the world wide pool of comedy, and thus making my own comedic offerings that much more potent.

But then I remembered Dr. Phil, my final pick in the Skeet Thrower draft. I certainly don't take him seriously, but the sad fact is many people do, and for that reason I feel like he should be removed from the face of the planet.

It's bad enough that his brand of "therapy" involves, as put on Wiki's Dr. Phil page, advices that is "at best simplistic, and at worst, invective" (insulting, abusive or highly critical - I had to look that up), but he is the worst of media whores. Let's see. What's the best way to help five completely unrelated strangers with their deeply rooted, complex psychological problems. How about putting them in a house together with a bunch of cameras? That's how MTV does it. Why wouldn't a licensed psychologist do things the exact same way.

Oh wait, Dr. Phil isn't licensed? Well surely there's a logical explanation for that... Oh... the Board of Examiners of Psychologists suspended his license after an ex-patient turned employee of Dr. Phil accused him of sexually inappropriate behavior, and he can't get a new license until he take an ethics class, passes a jurisprudence exam, completes a physical evaluation, undergoes a psychological evaluation and has his practice supervised for one year. Huh. Well that must have been a recent misunderstanding. I'm sure he's well on his way to getting his license back....

That was in 1989????

But he was on Oprah!

And that's it for the draft. I know it was a long post, but what were you gonna do on a Friday anyway.

Yet again, here's where you come in. I've included a poll below, so go ahead and vote (as many times as you want, just refresh the page) for which person drafted the best.

Also, feel free to include people that you would have drafted in the comments. There's nothing better than venting at people on the intermets, so fire away.

Click here to see the draft page and the poll - it won't show up in readers

Thursday, March 20, 2008

NCAA Tourney Day: Music Spectacular

Well, it's NCAA tourney day and you should all be watching a lot of TV/internet video today. But if you get tired of hearing Billy Packer blab on, you might want to hear some other stuff in the background. As such, I've got a couple crazy music videos for you today.

The first is "One Gallon Axe" by White Gold. I had never heard this song or seen this video, but its kinda catchy and I laughed 10+ times due to either the lyrics or the costumes.

This video for some reason reminded me of The Darkness' video for "I Believe in a Thing Called Love," so here's that video.

To be honest, I'm not sure why I would think of The Darkness' video after seeing One Gallon Axe other than they both make me think WTF and laugh at the same time. Anyway, don't think I could have a music spectacular on NCAA Tourney Day without "One Shining Moment." So, here's last year's version.

Before I close the post, here's some last second tourney advice that I give out for free each year: Remember, Kansas always chokes. Quick, go change your bracket now. Keep this in mind when next Saturday (not this one though) you're looking at your bracket wondering how you had Kansas in the Final Four.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Random Ridiculousness

I've got nothing today...well that's not true - I've just got a couple of random videos.

The first video is one of my childhood heroes demonstrating exactly why he shouldn't have been one of my childhood heroes.

Fortunately, that isn't the craziest video you'll see today. Here's Nicholas Cage punching a chick...while in a bear suit.

That's from the movie The Wicker Man I think. I don't know because I've never seen it. It only has a 3.5 rating on IMDB. I have to assume I'm better off watching Hulk and the WWF.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Attack of the 90's Pop Stars

I meant to post this yesterday, because it relates to SNL. This week's musical guest was Mariah Carey, performing her new song, Touch My Body (the video has typical Mariah PG-13 clothing at first, but it features Kenneth from 30 Rock so its worth a watch). Anyway, I saw this ridiculous video and saved it for yesterdays derka. Anyway, here is someone on Bulgarian Idol singing Ms. Carey's "Ken Lee."

If you didn't pick it up, that chick is actually just jibba-jabbing Without You.

If you couldn't guess it from the title, Mariah isn't the only 90's pop musician I wanted to talk about today. Remember Cooking with Coolio? I finally got around to watching the next episode (there are 4ish now, I think). It made me laugh so I included it here. Exercise caution on the language.

Monday, March 17, 2008

SNL: Andy's Dad

I watched my DVR'd SNL last night - this was one of the worst episodes of the season. The skits weren't that funny and they could have made the Spitzer stuff funnier. It is unfortunate because Jonah Hill was on the show and I'm pretty sure he could have been funnier. To be fair to SNL, I'm pretty sure they have kicked Maya Rudolph off the show and I don't think Keenan appeared on screen more than once or twice - so they are going in the right direction.

Anyway, here's the digital short from this week that made me laugh, really, really hard.

Friday, March 14, 2008

BCS: Man Crush List 2008

Last week I told you I was trying to find a way to stay fresh, and the Skeet Thrower Draft got a great response (be on the lookout for a new one next week). But just because you're staying fresh doesn't mean you have to throw away a staple of this blog. So, starting today, I'll be unveiling my 2008 BCS Lists. Today, the BCS Man Crush List.

Just to recap, here's the rules:

The Rules

  1. Anyone, real or fictional, can be a candidate for the man-crush list. Pretty much all this means is you can't just make someone up.
And that's it. It is pretty straight forward. I want to clarify 2 things at this point:

  1. I am not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). That said, this is a man-crush list. Take it as you will.

  2. The man-crush list is kept at 3 (while my other BCS lists stretch to 5).
Anyway, without further ado, here it is.

The BCS Man-Crush List

3) Joel McHale
Joel hold's down the 3rd spot again this year. The Soup was one of the only shows that consistently produced through the writer's strike and I consistently looked forward to the half-hour with him each week. Plus he's got this video which is kinda applicable to this post.

2) Rainn Wilson

His ability to portray Dwight is amazing, but its the fact that he's funny at a lot of other stuff as well that gets him on this list. I don't really have any stipulations for making this list, but the fact that I will watch anything I find with Rainn Wilson is pretty telling.

Here's a couple creepy Rainn Wilson clips that you probably haven't seen. First, Rainn on CSI.

Second, Rainn on Six Feet Under (gracias to Wheezy for the hat tip).

It shows how talented of an actor he is that he can play those roles and still do this:

1) Michael Cera
Michael Cera takes the top spot on this year's BCS Man Crush list. Much like Rainn, I watch anything and everything that features Michael Cera (including all of these videos). He tops Rainn with some solid movies like Juno and Superbad. Plus, I get a half-chub just thinking about an AD movie. Also, I love retro polos. Anyway, here's an old clip.

And that's the man crush list. Sadly I had to remove Jack Bauer (no shows and I'm not watching the DVD's again...we've just grown apart) and Gilbert Arenas because he's been injured too much and his injury last year cost me a championship. That said, Gilbert almost made it because of these ridiculous shoe commercials.

On second thought, maybe it's better that he's a runner up...

Have a good weekend.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

More Tracker Foolishness/Awesomness

A few months ago, I showed you a ridiculous SUV jump that I wish I would have tried back when I had my Tracker. Well, here's a new jump that I'm glad I never tried.

I'm pretty sure that video is fake, but who knows - it is ludicrous that they would try that in a SUV. On the other hand, here is something that I know is real...and awesome. It's an old school music video with awesome graphics and production.

I hope you understand Spanish.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Steve Urkel Throwback Hip Hop

You may or may not remember, but back in the early 90's HIV was a big concern. Since I was not really old enough to understand it, it didn't really affect me until Magic Johnson picked it up. All of a sudden a lot of my favorite NBA players were preaching about abstinence and safe sex (ironically, what I know now is that most of them weren't practicing either of those concepts). Anyway, one of the promo things Magic put together was called Time Out: The Truth About HIV, AIDS, and You. This thing featured all kinds of early 90's stars such as Paula Abdul, Kirstie Alley, Luke Perry (best intro video ever), and Sinbad (I saw that movie...and I wish I would have picked Sinbad in last week's draft). But the only thing I really remember from this video is Jaleel "Steve Urkell/Sonic the Hedgehog" White's rap video about not having sex.

This came out in 1992, one year before Snoop's best cd, Doggystyle. He's still churning out records...what's happened to Jaleel? He could be a dance icon with his moves...

I suppose I could also call him Jaleel "Sonic the Hedgehog" White.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Crazy Marshmallow Game

Most of us have played some sort of ridiculous marshmallow game. Well, a few weeks ago, I saw this crazy Japanese marshmallow game on the intermets. It's 6 minutes long and well worth every second.

Well, Ellen, who's cool with me since she banging Portia de Rossi, decided to recreate this game with middle-aged white women.

We learned a few things today:
1) Middle-aged white women on Ellen are decidedly less funny than middle-aged Japanese men
2) The faces of Japanese men are a lot funnier when strained by a rubber band than the those of the aforementioned women (or the rubber band was just looser on Ellen's show)
3) Recreating an awesome Japanese video takes more than just a rubber band and a kimono.

I've decided I can't leave you with that video (plus I didn't post yesterday), so here's a ridiculous Japanese show/video thingy.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Skeet Thrower Draft: Dance Skills

So after 300 posts, I'm trying to find ways to stay fresh. There could be several ways to do this (for instance, Wheezy and his friends at Enliv Comics are going to be doing some crazy stuff with their comics), but I've come up with/stolen/read somewhere else about a good one. Fantasy drafts.

When fantasy football season rolls around, the draft is one of the things I look forward to the most - the picks are fun and so is getting to laugh at other people's picks. So, I got a few people together and we conducted a fantasy draft. I've wrapped the draft into a post so you can enjoy/critique our picks (this is the first time writing a draft post, so hang with me). Warning: Turns out this post is really, really long - and if you really get bored, you can skip right to the poll (that's right you get to vote) at the end for a recap.

Since this is the first draft, here's a quick run through of who was involved:

MM (me) - The Skeet Thrower - It's my blog, how would I not be in my own draft.
Wheezy - I've only referenced him and his blog a few times.
Ross - He wrote the longest comment ever on my blog. Side note, Ross actually does good stuff for people - really, visit that link and donate.
Adam - Also a frequent commenter on the Skeet Thrower, Adam graced us with his BCS Top 5 last year.
Laura - I decided that having a chick involved would be a good thing. Bonus, she once wrote an ode to me.

Each persons picks is in bold or is a hyperlink, their reasoning is in italics and everyone else's comments are included also.

I now welcome you to the first ever Skeet Thrower draft.

Topic: "Dance Skills" or, more specifically, "If I could have one person's dance moves it would be...". It can be any person past or present and don't worry about whether they can sing or what they looked like - just the ability to dance.

Rounds: 3, snaking draft order.

First Round

1. Wheezy: Justin Timberlake
Initially when I was trying to think of people with the best moves, I thought of Michael Jackson. But then I remember that his behavior seems to lead to too much plastic surgery and alleged child molestation. so I thought I'd go with JT since he's essentially a modern MJ when it comes to the dance moves. That, and after about five minutes into the Futuresex / Loveshow special on HBO I blacked out, only to awaken an hour later naked in a yard somewhere in Tampa. Witnesses said I was "moving like pure sex". Plus, Tampa is a 2 hour drive ... any my car was nowhere in sight. T'was the power of JT I tell you.

2. Ross: Michael Jackson
I'm sorry Dan, JT is not a modern Michael Jackson. Sure Michael's life is in shambles now, but this guy has moves and he's a classic. Besides, I'm just stealing his moves, not his creepiness. Being able to break out a flawless Moon Walk and Thriller would go over great at parties.

Wheezy: Like... 6 year old birthday parties.

3. Adam: David Brent (Ricky Gervais)
David brings a level of committed devotion and showmanship to his performance style that transcends the adolescent-swooning thrusts of MJ and JT. And if party-crowd acceptance is the litmus with which these individuals are ultimately tested – then I’ll place my bets with the man who can bring the house down with “Free Love on the Freelove Freeway” and who can close the deal upstairs with “If you don’t know me by now.” (And I realize those particular performances are not exhibitions of dancing skill. But a truly brilliant performer is much more than a hot set of hips. I’ll take the mind behind the pelvis.)

MM: Draft note: Adam was nice enough to include a video link for his pick. You'll notice that the draft really takes a different spin here.

Ross: I can only imagine this will ultimately lead to somebody picking Elaine.

4. Laura: Usher
One word: Abs. More than one word: When Usher was 13 he was signed by L.A. Reid. When JT was thirteen he was about to be on the Mickey Mouse Club. While JT worked on his cheesy boy band moves, Usher was being awesome all on his own. Usher has also never (allegedly) molested small children. He's shown versatility by also recently starring in Chicago on Broadway.

5. MM: AC Slater
AC is versatile - he can go pop but he can also break out a little formal/ballet style on you. Plus he banged two of the hottest chicks of my childhood, Kelly and Jessie. Here's video evidence:

Second Round

MM: Draft note: "Snaking" order means the order of the draft reverses each round.

6. MM: Soulja Boy
For the first pick of the 2nd round, I'm taking Soulja Boy. He gets real rugged, brings a hip-hop/street feel and he single-handedly created a world-wide sensation. Plus he's got an internet video that has 28+ million views. It's probably a little early on him, but I can't risk losing him over the next 8 picks...

Adam: Hey could you guys remove my work email from the reply-all’s?

7. Laura: Shakira
Her hips don't lie, but they sure do defy the logic of a normal human's range of motion. Besides, if I'm building a team, I think that Shakira and Usher could come up with some crazy shit. Different styles, but both are sexy as hell with good technique. I really didn't want to be the first (maybe only) to pick a girl, but like MM I didn't want to risk losing this one if I waited too long.

Ross: Laura, you're 2/2 on pick stealing. I took Adam's work email off the list, so we can make fun of him with no recourse for a couple more hours. Adam, I know I've never met you before, so sorry if this is out of line, but I hear your mom goes to college.

Adam: Actually, I'm reading these all on my phone. I just didn't want to type that whole thing out with my thumbs. So Ross, I'm going to pull a Lou Dobbs and challenge you to a real battle if you have something to say. Come through these tubes and let's see what you're made of.

Laura: Why don't we just keep picking dancers...I don't want you guys to clog the tubes with your fighting nonsense.

Ross: Oh shit, I just got busted. It's on now, I guess. You've just made a nemesis you might not be able to handle.

8. Adam: Little Superstar
With the 3rd Pick of the 2nd Round of the "So You Think You Can Dance if you pick these people's Dance skills" Skeet Thrower Draft, I select Little Superstar. Little Superstar offers the human-fluidity of all of the first-round picks at just a portion of the body mass, while managing to not sacrifice any amount of sex appeal. Plus his small-size and internet-based popularity decreases the likelihood of signability issues.

MM: Is that a midget or little kid? And if so, can I adopt him/it?

9. Ross: Christopher Walken
I was really shaken up by the loss of my Shakira pick. I was so distraught I almost rushed into a pick I would have regretted. Driving back from a friend's house I was still unsure and I didn't feel like I had a really good pick. Then it hit me. I offer no explanation, but rather just a video clip:

10. Wheezy: Alfonso Ribeiro
Ouch. That last pick was a killer Ross. Well this draft has certainly taken an interesting turn. I feel like every fantasy draft I've ever been in, where I start out with what I feel was a strong pick, but as time goes on and the rest of the league makes their own picks, a spark of doubt creeps into my subconscious as I think to myself "Should I have picked Little Superstar?" Only time will tell. Far be it from me to just lay down and take it (that's what she said), I'm fairly certain this next pick is going to lock things down for me. In a move that may very well make the internet explode in some sort of worm hole of recursive cyclical destruction, my 2nd pick for the Skeet Thrower Draft: If I Could Steal One Person's Dance Moves has been inspired, nay, demanded by the Skeet Thrower himself: Alfonso Ribeiro. Or perhaps you better know him as Carlton? But don't let that compilation fool you - as MM himself pointed out on the very blog that is running this draft, Alfonso has moves from WAY back.

Third Round

11. Wheezy: Nick Swardson
This last one has been tough. So many to pick from - the world at my finger tips. Which master of the art of dance should I go with? Earlier MM brought up numbers when he picked Soulja Boy. 28+ Million. That's quite the following. So I thought to myself... what's the most important possible aspect of any set of numbers. The answer? High Score.

12. Ross: John Travolta
So I didn't envision that Christopher Walken would be the least crazy member of my dance team, but he clearly is, as my last pick is Scientology's John Travolta. I was trying to add a little Latin flair into the mix, but that'd be a little too flashy for me anyways. I feel having Travolta's moves would be a lot more fitting for me than being able to shake my bon bon like Ricky Martin. He's a hit in any decade, and I think if I could dance like Travolta ladies of all ages would swoon at my feet. No youtube clip needed here, because this is a solid pick and all of you know it without having to see video proof.

MM: Just to be safe, here's a clip.

13. Adam: Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield)
The 3rd round is such a tough round to draft for, you're relying totally on your scouting department by this point and these are the types of picks that can totally make or break your draft when analyzed ten years later. My front office really wants me to draft a Yo-Gabba-Gabba all star as an investment pick, but frankly I think I'm just one refined pick away from having the best acquired dance-skills of the year. So with my third and final-pick, I select Al Czervik.

Ross: That looks like an unrefined version of The Elaine. I've been on to your strategy from round 1.

14. Laura: Fred Astaire
I decided to stay in the movie star dancer pool, but throw it back a ways. (1) He's like the original (2) He danced on a ceiling in Royal Wedding (3) Classy choice to balance out the sex appeal of the rest of the team - you can have too much and I don't want to take away from the dancing (4) Managed to get out of Omaha in the early 20th century to make it in Hollywood (5) Had enough something-something to get someone 45 years his junior.

15. MM: Early 2000's Britney Spears
I'm surprised my pick made it this far and I consider a steal of the draft. Somewhere during my freshman year of college, she transformed from attractive chick to a potential BCS-top 5 member and don't tell me you didn't watch the Slave or Toxic videos every single time they were on TV. Everyone was mesmerized by her moves.

And that's it for the draft. This is easily the longest post ever (maybe I'll split it up next time). But if you made it this far - now, is when you get to participate. I want you all to decide who drafted the best dance moves (let's be honest though, we're all gonna vote too). To vote, I've included a nice poll here (I'm not sure if this will show up in a reader, so just click through to the page).

Thanks for reading - hope you enjoyed this as much as we did. If nothing else, now you have something to talk about this weekend.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Late Night TV Traps

I've told you time and again that I watch a lot of late night TV. That said, what I watch now doesn't compare to the amount of late night TV I watched in college - I used to watch stuff until 3 or 4 in the morning. If nothing else, I'd watch some TV after we got home from the bars on Thursday or Friday. Late, late - like post 1 or 2am late - is when you start seeing some shady commercials. For instance, the company Live Links, a service that is based solely on getting people in the area to talk to one another in what I can only assume is one giant cluster-f*ck of a conference call for something like $2.99/minute.

Anyway, it's Thursday which means that it's time for a new episode of Lost. What does that have to do with Live Links? Well, prior to Lost, Kate (also known as Evangeline Lilly) did a Live Links commercial. Fortunately, someone took the time to splice it together with some Lost footage.

Of course, for every Live Links, there's a 5-10 even shadier services. Here's a commercial for a different one.

Obviously, that's fake. I think. Maybe. I'm probably gonna call it just to check...

Side Note/Lesson Time: One time, after getting home from the bars, someone texted one of those crazy numbers with my phone (thankfully it was one of those "info" texts so it didn't cost me anything). I got text message responses from the service telling me to call its number until 3:30 am that night, and then I got 2 more the next night.

Lesson: Services like Live Links are like hooking up with a chick you know is crazy. It may seem harmless, but next thing you know you've got something that won't leave you alone, is really embarrassing, and is always showing up at the worst times.

Besides, if you can get chicks as easily as Will Arnett, then why do you need Live Links (I'm just gonna go ahead and throw out the NSFW tag on this one).

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Paul Anka: Rock Swing Band

Do you know who Paul Anka is? I didn't until about 6 months ago. He's big time into swing/jazz and has performed with and covered tons of artists. Understand this though: when he covers songs - he covers them in a swing style. So, today, you don't really need to watch the videos as much as you need to listen to them (so you can have them in the background). Anyway, here's Anka's cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit.

He is actually ultra-serious about this which is kinda funny/kinda cool. Anyway, if you enjoyed that first song, I've got another couple videos and some links below.

Here's his cover of Black Hole Sun.

Here's his version of Oasis's Wonderwall (this is just a music file even though it looks like a video).

Here's his version of Michael Jackson's The Way You Make Me Feel (this is just a music file even though it looks like a video).

He's also done Bon Jovi's It's My Live and REM's Everybody Hurts, Eye of the Tiger and a few others (like Mr. Brightside by The Killers) that you can get on his album Rock Swings.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Post #300: It's vs. Its....and Crazy Japanese Stuff

Simple math lesson to start the day. If you add up the post numbers on the side under the "Previously on the Skeet Thrower" section, what number to you get?

300! (For those of you reading this through a reader, you'll just have to trust me).

That's right its post #300, and it only took me around 290 or so to get the its versus it's thing squared away. For some reason I had those two mixed up. I'm not grammar crazy or anything, but that kinda stuff bothers me. I don't know.

Anyway, its the big 300, but I don't have any major site changes like #200 when I changed the layout and the style of posting. That said, I think I have something better coming - it will be here on Friday (I was going to try and time it so that it coincided with this post, but I decided to keep posting rather than have a bunch of empty days) - a new feature that will alter your Fridays forever...or whenever I post them. Also, I plan to start unveiling the 2K8 BCS lists, so be on the lookout for those.

Celebrating the 300th post is kinda like turning 24 - not really that big of a deal. So without any further ado, here's just a standard post, I guess.

You may or may not know, but spring training for baseball started last week. In honor of that, here's an awesome video from the 1986 LA Dodgers - as you can imagine, its ridiculous.

While we the crazy Dodgers/Bears were making those videos in the 80's, let's see what Japan does for baseball today.

Pretty weird, huh? Speaking of weird/funny, if you haven't seen Japan's version of "We Are The World," you need to watch this now.

Thanks for reading, whether this is your first post or your 300th...and keep coming back.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Re: Make It Rainn On This Film

Fresh off of last week's posts about Rainn and the 2008 Spirit Awards, I have found some more videos Rainn did for the awards. These videos are all Rainn "auditioning" for parts in the movies being awarded.

The first is Rainn trying out for Juno as the part of Juno.

The next is Rainn trying out for a part in I'm Not There.

Here's Rainn making fun of the name Winterbottom.

Here's Rainn trying out for Paranoid Park with some mad skateboarding skills. This one has a NSFW Rainn Wilson ass shot near the end, so exercise caution.

Once more clip, here's Rainn getting "initiated" by Dennis Hopper. I won't tell you what it involves, but only a crazy indie film award show would come up with this.

On a side note, I don't know if you saw the first season of 24 (and if you haven't, you really, really should), but Dennis Hopper was a pretty good bad ass in that season. His 71 year old bones would scare me if I ran into him on the streets today.