Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Legend of Scottie Pippen Continues

Well, after a couple of days and a few "Leave Clay Aiken Alone" emails, it looks like the blizog is still kicking. Good to know that the Claymates power has waned.

In any case, a couple of weeks ago, I showed you an awesome video of Scottie Pippen advertising a six foot sub (with bonus lack of emotion!). Well, today, I bring you the follow up - the introduction to Scottie Pippen's Sega CD(!) game, Slam City. This was a "full-motion" video game where your buttons controlled what the video did. I have no real clue though - I never played it (Did you ever even play Sega CD? Because I didn't).

There's that Scottie Pippen enthusiasm at the end. Although after listening to it a second time, I'm pretty sure he also is doing the lyrics for the theme song - at least there's a little enthusiasm there. Its too bad for Scottie that some other douche bag had the mid-90's basketball player hip-hop thing all locked up because I'm pretty sure he would have killed it there. Interpret "killed it" as you will...

HT: Cracked

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Clay Aiken Sucks (and the Claymates too)

Let's do an exercise today. Think of an animal to describe yourself. I'll wait a few seconds, so go ahead and do it...
I'm not sure what animal you thought of yourself as, and I really don't want to explain why I chose my animal, so I won't talk about that either. That said, I will tell you I didn't think of myself as a few animals like any birds, a hippo or a Tyrannous Rex. Definitely, not a bull; however, sometimes I feel that I'm taunted like a bull. Every once in a while I feel like someone holds a big red cape out in front of me and is begging me to attack. And, for some reason, today I'm charging.

Someone told me a while ago that Clay Aiken has one of the most rabid fan bases of all time. Apparently, they call themselves Claymates, which is awesomely retarded. Anyway, apparently Claymates scour the intermets searching for people that bash Aiken, post that link on a message board and then swarm that site in protest. I discussed this a few months ago with my boy Wheezy and I think we decided it wasn't real. But after hearing this rumor float around again, I am going to test it out myself (Side note: I guess it could kinda be real - Clay Aiken has 5 pages of entries on Urban Dictionary. The first few pages are clearly his fans - the last couple are not...and way funnier).

I can honestly say I watched American Idol for the first season and a half. Much like with Survivor, I was intrigued to see how the US would adapt to this reality show, on FOX no less. Midway through the second season; however, I began rooting against someone - Clay Aiken. He just bugged me and I didn't even think he was very good. While I was never impassioned dumb enough to vote either way, I secretly rooted for him to lose. And fortunately he did (to someone who has been cut by his label already).

Then he came out with that annoying song you remember that song? No? Well, here's a video that should adequately capture the creepiness/crapiness of that song.

Nice love triangle in that video...In any case, now he's said he has "Shut off his urges for sex". That would be like me saying I have shut off my urges to be an NBA player and/or Thug rapper - first of all, its a lie; secondly, it doesn't matter because it will never happen. Look at the picture up there! Who's getting duped by that? No one. And, fortunately for him, he's smart enough to realize this and try to "shut off his urges."

Let's recap:
- Looks ridiculous/not attractive: Check
- Makes annoying music: Check
- Dumb: I'll give him this one since he's smart enough to realize the first two

But really, can you blame Clay Aiken for still being around? No. So, who do you blame then? Idiot people - the Claymates. These people are somehow keeping him around, barely in our brains just to warn us that someday he may be back. Jesus, people. Get a life. Let him drift away into his sweet nothingness of no sex while replaying the final scene from his season of American Idol over and over again in his house. Then, these attacks on his looks/skills will stop. But we can't expect that, can we - because this is you:

God Help Us.

* If you regularly read this site and are a Clay Aiken fan: First, come on! And, second, you knew this was coming eventually.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Will Ferrell On Live TV

So, last Friday I said I was back from the dead. Then I immediately followed this up by hooking up with a 103 degree fever and a wicked cough - which was awesome. So, I didn't feel much like blogging this weekend, and, even when I was finally feeling better, I decided to go see Juno - which was awesome.

In any case, one thing I saw this weekend while laying on the couch logging onto the intermets was this video with Will Ferrell - which was awesome.

I'm not sure why John McEnroe is there (I think he has a show on cable somewhere) but the way the old news anchor guy reacts is priceless. He also says Roy Burgandy.

Have a good week.

Friday, January 25, 2008

I'm Back From The Dead

Soooooo, I've been on a week long break from blogging. it was unintentional but it happened. I spent last weekend down in beautiful Orlando with my boy Wheezy. We got back Sunday night and 10 hours later I jumped back on a plane and headed to Mobile, AL to stalk some NFL coaches at the Senior Bowl (I'll fill you in on that more later). It was awesome, but when I was getting back to my hotel after 12:30am, I didn't feel much like blogging.

In any case, I'm back from the dead now, just in time to teach you how to do the Thriller (applicable, don't you think).

I guess I should have warned you that it was by some crazy 80's chick (and also possibly fake). Fake or not, there are 4 more videos featuring Dancin' Kim that should make you laugh. I'm not sure what Video Jug is, but those videos definitely made me laugh.

For good measure here's another one about Poppin' and Lockin' it.

That's no Pop, Lock and Drop It but it definitely had some poppin' and lockin'.

Anyway, you may wonder how I found that video - I was actually searching for how Michael Jackson learned the Moonwalk and I stumbled across the videos of that chick. If you have 5 minutes, you should really watch that Moonwalk video I linked to, if for nothing else than to hear his sister giving him a backhanded compliment at about the 2 minute mark. Seriously though - watch that and tell me you don't wish you could do the Moonwalk.

Have a good weekend.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Drunkenness with Michael Cera and Tracy Morgan

For as much as I've talked about Michael Cera on the old blizog, you'd think I'd have seen every video from him on the intermets. Sadly, that's not the case. Anyway, here's a video I hadn't seen previously and enjoyed thoroughly. Basically, if you ever wanted to hear a drunk guy ramble and mess up a story about Alexander Hamilton - this is your chance.

Part of the reason I hadn't watched this previously was because I've been watching late night TV again. If you haven't been, you missed an awesome Letterman interview with Tracy Morgan (sadly there are no more new episodes of 30 Rock...). People always think he's drunk...I can't tell (but if he is, it goes well with this post - although he does say he isn't drinking anymore, but how could he decide to make that movie with Ice Cube sober?). So, if you have some time to waste, here's the full interview broken into two parts. The line right at the 4:00 minute mark in the first part made me laugh really hard.

Part 1

"Just doin' karate and tryin' to get females pregnant."

Part 2

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Wait...The Manning Brothers Have DSL's?

So I was searching for a random Peyton Manning commercial the other day and I stumbled across these two random videos. They are commercials for Double Stuffed Oreos and they must be new because I haven't seen them yet (turns out these videos were both added on January 14th). Anyway, the commercials are for the Double Stuffed Racing League or the DSRL (On a side note I somehow read that as DSL which lead made me somehow hope this commercials was going to involve DSL's. Sadly it does not) which looks hilarious. Watching them lick the Oreos is awesome actually kinda disgusting, but funny none the less.

That theme song is awesome. You can hear the acoustic version at the official site of the DSRL. You can do all the other marketing gimicky stuff there too. There are more videos on that site (the main video is the commercial above), but one of them has already made it to other parts of the internets. Here's Peyton talking about his role in the DSRL.

[Insert whatever witty comment you want about Peyton and commercials here]. Get used to these commercials, I'm sure you'll be seeing a lot of them in the weeks to come.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Do You Know Who David Wain Is?

Because I don't. But if you look at his IMDB page, first, you'll notice that he kinda looks like the Sklar brothers. Then, you'll see he's been all over the place in comedy - specifically with Comedy Central. Anyway, he apparently has a show called Wainy Days that I'm pretty sure is just on the internets on David Wain's blog. If you look at the list of people involved with the show you'll see a veritable list of VH1 "I Love The [Insert Decade Here]" all-stars people. In any case, I found this clip very funny (its got some swears in there, so exercise caution)...

Well, I'm a sucker for online tv shows (did I ever tell you about the Clark and Michael Show?) and now I'm gonna watch the rest of the episodes online (what else am I going to watch). Plus it seems like these guys are tight with Apatow/Rogen/etc. because those guys friends keep making cameos in these clips. That slutty chick from 40-year-old-virgin show up in the first episode here.

I really laughed at how he just randomly ran into someone on the sidewalk - I'm not sure why.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Steve Nash, Jessica Alba, & Paul Brogan

You may or may not know this, but I love hip-hop. Generally, I try not to show you good hip-hop (I used to - a long time ago - but it was kinda boring, even to write), but I like to show you some funny/bad stuff; at least something you haven't seen.

That's not to say that everything I show you isn't good. Just last week we took a look at a white rapper that had lyrics. But he made you laugh right? Well, you know another white rapper that made you laugh: Paul Brogan. You may or may not remember, but Mr. Brogan was a little kooky but he had an awesome NBA rap (which included a verse about Steve Nash, and since I'm talking about Brogan here today it gave me a nice excuse to show this picture of Nash staring at Jessica Alba, which is funny). Well, he had a nice holiday rap and I haven't posted it yet, so here it is:

Same old Paul Brogan. Still enjoyable. I like how he still goes with the construction paper/printed out picture combo. I'm not sure about the increased production, but I guess it was still well done. I wish he'd get rid of the singing though. Anyway, it turns out that he has a very timely/topical NFL rap.

So, that might be a couple days out-dated - its still pretty good. And he got rid of the singing. Bonus.

Also, it turns out that my boy Wheezy bounced a few ideas off of me this week while making his comic and somehow I got a credit on it (I need to find more ways to make other people do all the work and then give me some credit...). Anyway, as always, I think its pretty funny but since my names on it, I'll pimp it a little more. So go check it out.

Friday, January 11, 2008

It's Friday...I Think

My days have been all jacked up for quite a while. First there was Christmas time and then New Years. Plus I have traveled twice in the last few weeks and now all of a sudden it is Friday again. I have no clue how this happened. I was tired and almost didn't post, but since it was Friday, I sacked up, stepped to the plate and jacked one up (and other ridiculous statements).

Anyway, why would I be tired you ask? Well, I played organized basketball for the first time in several months (probably since I left NI). We won, and handily at that, but I definitely was rusty (I somehow got a lane violation when shooting a free throw!?! I didn't even move my feet).

So, in preparation for our game next week, I've found a few basketball instructional videos to help me out. The first one features Laker Sasha Vujacic.

* HT: Awful Announcing

Why does that instructor falls for the weakest shot fakes - he makes Sasha like
"How?...What's going on?" Also, there is a bonus tip in that video: "If you're fading away its very hard to make basketballs baskets."

If you've got two more minutes to waste, here's another random basketball video that covers dribbling, passing, wearing hats and cheering.

That would have been way cooler with a Superbad dance effect. Either way, I should be good to go for next week now.

In other news, make sure you check out Wheezy's post this week - we had a good discussion in the comments.

Have a good weekend.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I Love Old School PSAs

I love old school stuff - hip-hop, video games and tv just to name a few. That said, I just finished plowing through 3 hours of the new American Gladiators and it was awesome. There were some people who didn't like it but let's go through some of the differences to see if they are just whining:

Host: Hulk Hogan is an improvement over whoever they threw at us previously.

Gladiators: This could really be split into three categories:
Looks: They are better now (except for Helga) but that could simply be the transition from the 90's to now.
Names: A wash. Are they cheesy now (Justice, Helga, Wolf)? Yes, but are they any worse than Malibu, Blazer, Laser, Tazer...
Skill: This is an area where the old school gladiators have a distinct edge. They just didn't mess up. Ever. These new gladiators have messed up in nearly every challenge.

Events: I haven't seen all of them, but it seems like they've beefed up all of the old events and brought in some new ones that are pretty good. To top it off, the Eliminator is now badass - a certified strength drainer.

I'm sure there's other things I could talk about but in general if you liked the old school show, you should like this one. It's awesome. I love throwback shows and I wish they would have brought this earlier. Also, one other thing you can't discount - DVR. The fact that I could watch a 2 hours episode in less than an hour is awesome.

You know what else that's old school that I love? PSAs. You don't really see them anymore, but when those things would come on, I'd always perk up to hear what these celebrities had to offer. There were some awesome ones and some ridiculous ones, like this one featuring Gary Gait*.

I have no clue who that dude is (I guess he used to play lacrosse), but I'm not sure that PSA said anything. I was expecting there to be another 20 or 30 seconds...but it just stops. I guess I'll just follow suit.

In any case, here's another PSA that you probably haven't seen.

See, you shouldn't smoke or drink and you should watch American Gladiators. Now even, the Skeet Thrower is helping society.

*HT: The Big Lead

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

While I'm Sexually Straight, You're Bound To Find I'm Mentally Gay...

Hey, everybody. I've been hanging out in Cali since Saturday morning and I wasn't sure what the Internets status was going to be. Turns out it was $10/day and I didn't want to pay for it because I can check my reader and email from my phone. Unfortunately, this meant I couldn't watch any videos and as such my posts were limited. Anyway, now I'm back, and, therefore, so are my posts. Ironically, the video(s) I'm showing you today I found a few weeks ago and I should have just written this post before I left so I could have posted it while I was gone...

As you all know, I love hip-hop - its part of me - and generally when I write about music it somehow involves hip-hop. Well, one part of hip-hop I really like is ridiculous white rappers like Paul Brogan with his NBA rap. Well, here's another guy named Bo Burnham that reminds me of me about 10 years ago when I was first writing things down for "freestyle" battles my friends and I would have (exercise caution on the language here).

There's some awesome lines in there - I'll let you pick your favorite (mine's in the title). Unfortunately, this appears to be his only rap video, but some of his songs are funny. Even though this is his first song, if he keeps improving his flow, he can hope to become aspire to become a Lil' Kev imitator (I'll preface this clip by saying the chick, Dee, spent the entire episode trying to figure out if they guy she was dating was retarded or not).

Keep working, Bo.

Friday, January 04, 2008

This Is One Six Footer I Can't Handle...

When I was writing yesterday's post, I kept thinking: "What am I forgetting? There's something...I just can't remember. Its kinda topical. What is it?" I ended up going with the Bonerama, but I knew I was missing something. Then I saw the video roll through my reader today and I began kicking myself because I had missed it.

Anyway, here is Scottie Pippen in a Mr. Submarine commercial from about 1991.

That is 28 seconds of goodness. The graphics, cheesy cheerleaders, Scottie Pippen (who was my 3rd favorite basketball player growing up) and best of all the line "This is one six-footer I can't handle one-on-one. Ladies, let's have a party!" only instead of an exclamation point, its said with something equivalent to a negative exclamation point.

I wonder if Pippen ever looks back on his commericals and laughs...

By the way, I thought this was topical because Pippen is trying really hard to get the Bulls coaching job. I doubt it happens, but, hey, they hired Bill Cartwright.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

There's So Much To Do

Game that I am not actually playing...jesus who do you think I am...And so little time. With late night TV returning, I'm busy watching TV again (turns out Conan is still funnier than that idiot Craig Ferguson). Plus, I've been playing the new Wii game my wife got me for Christmas (I've included the box art on the right* so you can think about what I'm doing when I'm not on the Internets) and watching football, so I'm really busy. And by busy, I mean occupied because are you really busy when all you're doing is watching TV?

Anyway, I hope you had a good New Years' celebration. I had a good time in Austin, TX (also known as a Hellhole of Sin - that's a must for anyone from Austin), unfortunately, after the party (and the ensuing night's sleep) I had to drive back to Nebraska where I summarily lost my left testicle because it jumped off my body and ran back to weather above 0 degrees. Then I pulled up my computer and saw the 1000+ number in my reader. You'd think there's no way I'd pour through all of that, but I'd be pissed if I missed a funny video to start 2K8. Sooooo, here's a couple funny videos I found.

1) Here's Rainn Wilson (aka Dwight) having a tussle with a photographer. There's some NSFW language in there, so exercise caution. If you ever wanted to see an extended Dwight fight scene with R-rated language, this is it.

2) If you shot off fireworks for New Years, I hope you followed the safety precautions outlined in this (fake, Dutch) Islamic fireworks safety video.

That was apparently banned - I'm not sure if its because of the blatant stereotypism or the fact that everyone has gone and looked right into the heart of a maybe-lit firework wondering what is going on and people don't want to be reminded how dumb they were.

3) Also, if you didn't see the National Anthem played by a group of trombones on Fox the other day, watch the first 20 seconds of this clip.

Their name is Bonerama! How can they get away with this? I'm now going to start a band called "The Code Piece Conglomeration" or "Boxfest". Get my Rock Band set.

* There is no way in hell I'm playing this game, I just thought it was funny box art. Wait, how did this game get made? Seriously - its real.