Friday, June 29, 2007

Casual Dress Friday: Peacing Out

Its a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower, and everybody should be glad I'm posting again today (three in a row!) just so that Rosie picture gets moved down. My goodness, that thing is atrocious.

Anyway, many of you may be a little nervous right now because the title includes the phrase "Peacing Out." Well, fear not, nothing's gonna stop (that's a classic song right there) me from skeet throwing; however, I am making a big life change. Today, I'm officially quiting (careful on the language with that one boys and girls) the job I've worked at since college and taking a job with some of my friends at a start-up company. Unlike that Half Baked clip, its a happy ending for me and I've already sent out a sappy email at work, so we'll skip all that here. Suffice it to say, I will miss my coworkers a lot.

I don't have a lot of regrets about leaving my job, as I have done a pretty good job of accomplishing everything I set out to do. That said, I do wish I would have incorporated more dance time into my daily routine - just like these people.

That is a prime example of why people like me shouldn't dance. But who can resist the electric slide? On a side-note, did you know that the guy who "created" the electric slide filed some crazy lawsuit claiming people should pay him for it? Back to dancing...let's be honest - the real reason I didn't dance much is because I'm lazy and out-of-shape. I get tired just typing these posts, no way I could dance everyday. In fact, here's an example of what would happen to me if I danced with any sort of regularity:

That's right, I'd rip the lid off of it get winded.

Anyway, just because I'm leaving my current job, doesn't mean I'm gonna stop skeet throwing. No, I'll keep the fire going, hopefully posting at the same rate (at least until my wife kills me for spending too much time on the internets). So, with that, I'll say adios to everyone at my first real jobby-job. Let's remember the good times and sweep the bad things under the rugs. Thanks for the memories, kids.

Have a good weekend.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Re: Don't Leave the PIR with Rosie

Quick post with a slight update on yesterday's post: Here is more photo evidence of why you shouldn't leave the PIR with Rosie...she's a terrorist!

That's not photoshopped. That's real. And that picture scares the hell out of me. Thanks for the photo TKS.

Also, apparently Drew Carey has packed on some L-B's or gone so Raven on us, if you will, since his show went of the air. How bad would the children of Rosie and Drew Carey look? My God, I can't even imagine.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Don't Leave the PIR with Rosie

Apparently the Vegas hangover is a little stronger than the MLTP one. I didn't even have anything funny to say for the last couple of days. I'm not sure why - my brain was just on stand still. Anyway, I'm back now...let the skeet throwing commence.

I'm sure you all heard, but my boy Bob Barker finally retired from the PIR. In fact, I'm pretty sure the last episode has already aired. In any case, CBS has known this was coming for a while and you'd think they would have already picked a replacement, but TV execs are idiots and haven't picked someone yet. Anyway, out of nowhere I hear that Rosie O'Donnell has been selected (or at least was in the running) to replace BB. Are you f-ing serious? Do you know what that fat-ass Rosie does? She takes things and destroys them - here are some examples: 1) Her talk show, 2) Lesbian fantasies, 3) Elizabeth Hasselbeck, 4) Buffets, 5) My soul...I could go on and on. Thankfully, I saw this quote:

"Here's the thing...I'm in a weird position. I don't need the money. I
know you're not allowed to talk about money in America, but I'm just saying I don't...If they were able to do it in New York it would be a different story. But it looks like it ain't gonna happen."

Tell you what, Rosie, we'll move the PIR and while we're at it we'll go ahead and throw in the Golden Gate Bridge (that's right, its a different Danny Tanner), Sacramento and Snoop Dogg. The PIR is in Cali and it should stay there. Second, how can you say you're not allowed to talk about money in America? The Price is Right is all about money, in fact, the word price is in the f-ing name! Man, I hate Rosie. Her consideration for the PIR has almost moved her past Fergie on the BCS Bottom Five.

Well, yesterday while I was thanking God that Rosie was out, I hear that Drew Carey might be the replacement. Drew Carey? Did anyone watch the Drew Carey Show? The main joke of the show was the uneasy relationship between a crazy beast female coworker, and that wasn't even funny. What else has he done other than sit in a chair and watch other people be funny on "Who's Line Is It Anyway?"

Why are we stuck trying to get a bush-league comedian to host the PIR? I've been campaigning for Woolery for almost a year now, but thanks to Shandi douching it up on DWTS, I guess that's not gonna happen. I guess we just need to get the CBS execs into a room and give them the Pearl treatment until they hire Woolery. No one would suspect a thing.

If nothing else, could we at least get James Earl Jones? If I got to pick someone to narrate my life, he would easily be in the top 3 with Barry White and Sean Connery followed closely by that guy who does the voice work for NFL Films (I guess his name is Harry Kalas). Listen to how James Earl Jones belts out those numbers:

Get this right, CBS. If nothing else, just pick someone that will make it rain on the contestants.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Casual Dress Friday: Happy Little Friends

Its a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower and you may or may not know, but I'm in Vegas right now. And now, you may be asking yourself, "Why in the hell is he writing posts while he is in Vegas?"

The answer? I'm not. I actually wrote the bulk of this post in preparation for being here in Vegas earlier this week. So have no fear, I'm thoroughly enjoying Vegas at the Signiture Suites which are awesome. I'm thinking about staying.

Anyway, earlier in the week, I promised you some Bob Ross. Well here it is. As I enjoy the light and craziness, you can enjoy the serenity that is Bob Ross. Bob always puts me into a trance. In fact, I've wasted over 3 hours writing this post just watching different episodes of Bob Ross on the internets. There's something about his voice. So today, while you're trying to work or just sitting around doing nothing, throw these clips on in the background and let the smooth voice of Bob Ross lull you into a trance. I've linked a 3-part portrait entitled "Southwest Serenity," since I'm in Vegas. Enjoy.

Part I

Part II

Part III

It is unbeliveable what that man can do in 30 minutes.

Have a good weekend.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Crossing Avril Out of My Life

Before I dive into today's post, I have two quick hits. First, I want to give something to those of you that are jonesin' for your weekly Lost fix. This is a badass video combining clips from the first 3 seasons showing you the plane crash in real-time. If you've watched Lost, this will be awesome because it pulls together all of those 30 second flashbacks you get.

Second, the Association draft is coming up next week. This is one of my favorite times of the year because, not only do I get to see what my team is doing next year, but we also get to see some of the most ridiculous suits ever. Anyway, this headline was on ESPN's NBA page yesterday: "Hoya's Green to Stay In, Others Pull Out" (I wish I would have taken a screenshot because it is different now). That's a bold move, Green - I hope you have a fake name lined up.

I think we all know where I stand on Avril Lavigne and her transformation. Well, unfortunately, she has released a remix of her atrocious song Girlfriend (yes, that is the rarely used "crap" link, but as much as I hate that song, how come it keeps getting stuck in my head?). Anyway, here's the remixed video. Fair warning, that awesome picture from the first video is not in this one.

A dance scene? Really, Avril? Yes, I know she doesn't really dance - she more or less lets the people dance around her, but still. And who in the hell is this Lil' Mama person? Her big songs are Lip Gloss and a remix of Um-Ber-El-La? I try to keep my ear to the streets and I haven't heard anything good about that chick. Honestly...I don't even know what to say anymore. I aparently don't know you, Avril. Why'd you have to go make things so complicated (you know that that is)? Now, all I have left are these galleries (pics are SFW, but NSFW is you scroll down) of you (those are Blender pics, and prolly a little racy for work). I'll always remember our good times, Avril, but as of now, I'm writing you out of my life. Just be glad we aren't close to a New Year's celebration, otherwise, you'd get the Tara Reid treatment.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm heading to Vegas for the rest of the week (pending access to the internets, I should have a post up on Friday). Not sure what show(s) we are going to see, but anything featuring BCS #2, Vanessa Marcil would be cool with me. Ok, let's be honest - that's not gonna happen - but I'd settle for a classic folk band like this.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Phil is Phat Fat and a Small Recap

No recap this week. I guess I'm still not over my MLTP hangover. Also, I got busy celebrating Father's Day with my pops, taking care of my sick dog, watching the US Open and videos of Bob Ross (more on him later this week).

Speaking of the US Open, to the right is a picture of Phil Mickelson who took it up the poop shoot this weekend. I'm not sure what Lefty and that other guy are doing in this picture (and I'm pretty sure it was taken before sometime before this weekend), but I'm pretty sure that the guy snapping that photo laughed really, really hard - he probably pissed himself.

Fortunately, Phil doesn't care about golf because he has a wife that is, as my roommate used to put it, "f-ing hot, MMMMMM" (on a side note, if you compare that link with the picture on the right, you'll notice that Phil has gone so Raven on us - he's gonna catch up to my boy John Daly pretty quickly if he doesn't start mixing in a few dressing. Also, my roommate used to call me M-M-M-M-M-M, he was not saying "mmmmm"). I should let you know that I don't really watch golf as it generally puts me to sleep. That said, I play in a fantasy golf league and I love a good game of Wii Golf. But I digress, I watched enough of the US Open this weekend to see an Argentinian golfer, Angel (that's an-hel) Cabrera, beat off out Tiger to win it all.

It has been a good week for Argentinian athletes as Manu Ginobili and Fabricio Oberto picked up NBA championships and this Angel guy won a golf major. Pretty impressive. Maybe Angel can get this guy to make him a celebratory video.

Where are all the Spurs fans, indeed. I want to see this Punk (that's the guy's name, and that video gets funnier the longer you make it) guy in a freestyle battle with that NBA rap guy and the guy who wrote the 3rd verse of Buy You a Draaaaaank. That would be awesome.

On to the recap:

I didn't write until Thursday, but when I did, I gave you three videos.

On a Casual Dress Friday, we took a look at McDonald's Filet-O-Fish commercial.

Have a good week.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Casual Dress Friday: Filet-O-Fish

Last night was a good night for me. I left work before 5, worked out for the first time in like 3 weeks, ate a delicious tex-mex dinner, got to spend some quality time with the wife and watched my Spurs pick up their 4th championship over the Cavs, who, basically, didn't put up a fight. Good times for me.

I know a lot of you aren't Association fans, but if you follow pop-culture at all, you know that Tony Parker, the newly crowned NBA Finals MVP, is marrying BCS Top 5 Chicas member, Eva Longoria (I'd crash it, but its in France...). Anyway, my theory as to why Tony won the MVP? Eva closed off the box during the playoffs. Seriously. Since we've seen how that's turned out, I guess I should be thanking her except that I have a sneaking suspicion that she was debating whether she should hook-up with the G.O.A.T., Michael Jordan (that's a recent pic, by the way - I'd say he's fallen off, but if you're putting in time with Eva, I guess you're not doing that bad). Anyway, hopefully Eva doesn't come down with herpes like recent tennis champion (and heinously ugly chica) Justine Henin-Hardene.

Anyway, obviously, when you watch sports, you see a bunch of commercials. Too many. So most of the time I tune them out, but every once in a while, one catches my attention. One of them that caught my attention - Zach Braff's Wendy's Triple Stack commercial. Honestly, does Braff have to stoop to fast-food commercials? That's the best you can pull? Look, I get it, George Clooney is the voice of Budweiser, but that's beer not a f-ing squared cheeseburger. Speaking of Clooney, I saw Ocean's 13 last week and it was excellent. Still not as good as Ocean's 11, but very good as well.

Anyway, I love Scrubs as much as the next guy, but I guess we all have to realize that our expectations were just too high for Braff. In reality, he's really just a poor man's John Krasinski (aka, Jim), who made the injured reserve of Shorty's BCS Top 5. Think about it, Jim (I know him better as Jim) is on The Office (a better show than Scrubs), is less pretentious and, not having seen either movie, I'm going to guarantee that Jim's movie with Mandy Moore will be better than Zach's movie from this summer. I guess it could be worse. He could be doing flea market commercials.

Speaking of bad commercials, here's a McDonald's commercial for a Filet-O-Fish from Napoleon Dynamite's Aaron Ruell (aka Kip). I don't like it, although it appears to be as polarizing as the movie.

McDonald's has really fallen off from their glory days.

Have a good weekend.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

MLTP = Done

So, yesterday I completed a big ass project at the place of my current employment. It was draining all of my time. It led my wife to say she felt like a "widow", which I guess means I the walking dead (sorry, couldn't pass up a Thriller link). As such, my internets usage dropped tremendously. In any case, it is over now. My team presented yesterday and so the blog can return to life.

So, tomorrow, we'll return to regular posting. In the meantime, here's a couple videos from the last week to make up for the fact that I was Ghandi for a while.

The first video was actually on the front page of sometime last week. Its a ridiculous Rolling Rock commercial that was "banned" from TV.

My favorite part of that video may be the warning message upfront that calls the baseball "magical." Let's be honest, who doesn't love nut shots. They always make me laugh. Always. Unless its me. Anyway, speaking of "banned" commercials and nuts, here is an actual banned commercial for Pop Rocks.

In case you're wondering, that was entitled "Get Your Rocks Off." Well done, pop rocks marketing. Now I have to find a store that still sells those things. But not for me to use (unless Jack Bauer shows up) - what are you thinking? I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Speaking of gay, last week we took a look at T-Pain's awful lyrics for "Buy You a Drink." Fortunately for us, some douchebag has taken the time to lip-sync all of the words for us.

I'm torn as to what the best part of that video is: the fact that he's clearly not singing, the orange drink or the $1 bill for money in the bank. Awesome. Also, the author includes this description of the video:

"Stfu to all them bitches that think this is gay becuz u no wat it is gay"

Let's be honest, that guy is bad at life and has no hope.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Week In Recap: Suburban Commando

There's been a theme this week: short posts. Turns out I've got this big ass project at work that is draining a lot of my free time. The good news is it finishes on Wednesday, so once that happens I'll be free again. Besides, nothing really happened this week beyond Paris going to jail, and you got two posts on Friday, so you can't really complain.

Onto the recap...

On Monday, I told you how much I hated the lyrics of T-Pain's song "Buy You a Drank" or "Buy you a Draaaaank. Honestly, the third verse of that song is completely based on stealing lines from other songs...

I proposed that Hulk Hogan caused the rise and fall of WWE on Wednesday. Also, it was brought to my attention that I forgot one of Hulk's most ridiculous movies: Suburban Commando.

I gave you two posts on Friday: One with the O Rly Owls and one looking ahead at the show Cavemen.

Have a good week.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Casual Dress Friday: TV Next Year

Its a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower and rather than complain about the lack of TV right now (...except for the excellent Real World/Road Rules Challenge - The Inferno III - that thing is awesome and, coincidentally, the only MTV show I watch anymore), I figured I would look ahead to next year.

Obviously, Lost and 24 (they are re-doing it somehow) will be great. The Office will continue to be funny and several other shows I enjoy will return. However, when I first heard about it, a show that caught my eye was Cavemen. Cavemen is a show based on the GEICO caveman commercials. When I read about the pilot for this show, I thought that it could have been pretty funny...but then I watched this clip.

How does this get on the air? That clip was not funny. Meanwhile, I just finished watching the first season of Arrested Development and I'm still baffled as to how a show that could produce clips like this got taken off of the air.

TV executives are dumb. They cancelled AD and they have David Blaine doing some of the worst NBA commercials ever. If they were gonna use a magician, couldn't they have just used Gob Bluth?

At least they figured out that Lost should follow the 24 style and wait until after football to start the season. But I digress, Cavemen could be funny, but I'd much rather they make a television show out of these guys.

I guess they tried with that Jerry Lambert on the painfully slow Sons & Daughters. I don't know. Whatever they make, I bet that it would be better than Cavemen.

Have a good weekend.

Casual Dress Friday: YouTube = Slow

Its a casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower and apparently YouTube is taking today off. Once it comes back I'll post.

Just an FYI.

In the meantime, enjoy this picture:

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

I Know Some Guys That Can Lift More Than Kevin Durrant

I have said it repeatedly - TV in the summer sucks (and that sucks for someone who loves TV as much as me). The lack of TV forces me to watch things that I wouldn't normally watch. For instance, last weekend, while there was nothing on TV (or my DVR), I sat through 30 minutes of the Spanish broadcast of WWE Raw. That's how bad its gotten. I'm watching TV I can't even understand. Of course, the story lines of WWE have degraded (well, as much as they could), so perhaps its for the best.

I blame this on the fact that we, collectively as a country, quit faking that wresting was real. Look, we always knew wrestling was fake, but as long as no one said anything we all acted like it was real. Wrestling was like Santa for older kids - everyone knows something isn't right, but as long as we don't really know, they'll enjoy the charade.

Back in the day, wrestling stars became celebrities, even garnering interviews on respected shows such as Arsenio Hall. Here's one featuring the Macho Man where Aresnio's whole interview is wrestling questions (of course, this may be why his talk show failed albeit not as miserably as The Magic Hour featuring Earvin "Magic/HIV" Johnson - no YouTube clips even exist of this show).

I did some research on the issue and I believe I can identify a time when WWE became ridiculous. In fact, we can blame it one one person: Batman (that link is long but really good).

  • That may be the worst "trash-talking" interview ever

  • What kind of bush league Bat-suit is Batman wearing?

  • Why does he bring up Superman and Spiderman?

  • Why is that guy's tie so short?

  • Since when does Batman use the phrase "naughty, mean person"?
That video was so ridiculously bad that I couldn't even type coherently. I had to switch to bullets. Seriously, when Batman showed up, all "credibility" that WWE/WWF had went out the window.

Of course, the true downfall of WWE is probably due my boy Hulk Hogan. Everyone loved Hulk. Probably too much. And as a result we got shows like Thunder in Paradise and movies like Mr. Nanny. Hulk single-handedly brought wrestling to fame and destroyed it. Want proof? Watch this.

So, if you smell what I'm cooking, here's how we fix this thing - we need to go back to the roots.
Step one - get some over-the-top (that's not a must watch, but its damn close) wrestlers that scare the hell out of you.
Step two - get rid of all the ludicrous (more Serena!) extra stuff - just get back to wrestling.
Step three - keep the chicks, but only as managers.
Step four - don't be gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Let's get wrestling back on track. I need something to watch...if only for the summer.

***The title is talking about future #2 pick in the NBA draft, Kevin Durrant's poor showing at the completely irrelevant NBA combine.***

Monday, June 04, 2007

Buy You A Draaaaank

Before I get going today, as a followup to Friday's post, I saw Knocked Up (that clip is hilarious - a true must watch - but has some NSFW language) this weekend. Genius (except for the birthing scene at the end of the movie - I cannot recommend strongly enought that you look away during that part).

Anyway, you prolly didn't know since you don't live with me, but my wife was out-of-town this whole weekend. This led to me doing ridiculous things like going to Denny's at 1 am. This is not what I want to talk about. What do I want to talk about? Music.

So my wife comes back and tells me that my old roommate and my brother-in-law love the song "Buy You A Drank" by T-Pain. Let's be honest. That song is atrocious. Just awful. The lyrics are listed in the info on the side of that video, but in case you can't understand them, I'll allow this guy to spell them out for you.

Ya, them's the lyrics. I want to shoot myself in the face. At least the last time I bitched about lyrics I could stand the song - this song is a failure. I immediately change the channel when I hear this song. On a side note, that Chris guy seems pretty funny, at least when he recites lyrics.

Anyway, for some reason I feel this is all my fault. I lived with these guys and tried to pass along my taste in music. I'm not saying I have the best taste in music all of the time, but, in general, I don't like bush league music like that.

I don't want to make these guys feel/look liketools, though. Its not their fault. We all need to work together to get this fixed. How can we get music like this off of the air? No clue. But if it doesn't happen soon, I might start to freak out.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Week In Recap: Wheezy's Birfday Birthday

I'm OK with the I don't really check it that often, but there is one thing that I pretty much couldn't live without: the birthday reminders. I'm usually pretty good about remembering birthdays but every once in a while I would miss one. Now that doesn't happen.

One birthday I wouldn't miss? My boy Wheezy's birthday. Hope you have a good one, brother. To celebrate, here's a ridiculous birthday song for you.

On to the recap...

On Monday, we celebrated Memorial Day by taking a look at National Anthem Disasters.

Wednesday we looked at a different disaster, the Miss Universe 2007 competition.

The first post of June was Friday and we took a look at some funny-ass videos from Michael Cera. The second video in that post is a spoof of a ridiculous video that someone attached to their resume. If you haven't seen it before (or in the last week or so), I recommend that you watch it.

Have a good week.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Casual Dress Friday: Who's Knocked Up

Its a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower and I'm shooting for a quick post today as I've got too much stuff to do.

I realized in April sometime that there are a lot of movies coming out this summer that I want to see. I've made it to Spiderman and that's it, meaning I've already missed Shrek 3 and Pirates 3.

This weekend Judd Apatow, Update: the director/producer/something of 40-Year-Old Virgin (on a side-note, the "Como se llama?" drop in that clip has surpassed the "Kelly Clarkson" line) is dropping a movie this weekend called Knocked Up Update 2: Sorry - this is what happens when I write a post at 2 am. I won't bore you with info about the movie because I'm sure you've seen all of the previews (or else you have been living under a rock).

What you may not have seen is this clip of Michael Cera also known as George Michael Bluth from Arrested Development (that show gets funnier and funnier the more clips I watch) playing Seth Rogan's part.

Michael Cera gets fired from Knocked Up

After seeing that clip, I have no fear that Knocked Up will be ridiculously funny. More importantly, it reinforces the fact that Michael Cera is funny. So funny in fact, that I am going to give you a clip featuring just Michael Cera.

That clip makes me wish I had consistently watched him on Arrested Development. In any case, I plan on seeting Knocked Up on Sunday night when my wife gets back in town. I'll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, try to have a better weekend then the guy in the suit in the back.

Final Update: Sorry if this keeps reappearing in your readers...damn typos

Have a good weekend.