Drunk History Part II

I'm kinda off my game tonight. I'm not sure if I haven't completely recovered from being sick last weekend things have just been weird today. First, I couldn't focus completely at work and needed to think from home to figure out my problem. Then, we lost to an awful team at basketball tonight - I have no clue what happened but they made some lucky shots. Personally, I played like shit and that makes it more frustrating. Now I'm watching my Spurs let f-ing Jacque Vaughn lead them in shots and scoring (If you know who Jacque Vaughn is, then you have to feel bad for me, no matter whether you like the Spurs or not. If you don't know who he is, then that should only reaffirm my feelings exasperation).

To top it off, I found Drunk History Part II earlier this week on Funny or Die (you may remember my post with Part I, but now a few other website have started picking it up. It's been a crazy week. Anyway, here's part II (its not on YouTube yet, and Funny or Die is dumb and refuses to show up in a lot of readers, so you may actually have to click to the actual blizog to see it). Is it as funny as the first? No. But it does feature Jack Black and Clark Duke (the latter or Clark and Michael fame).



Oh ya, there's puking in that one too. Sorry about that. I guess its not that big of a deal - you can't even really see it. Anyway, I'm assuming I'll be back on point after the weekend. I had better be - I'm going to Vegas on Thursday (and we all know how much I love Vegas).

So, on a completely unrelated note - here's a random video called Kill 'Em with Kindness. Enjoy and have a good weekend.

The Legend of Scottie Pippen Continues

Well, after a couple of days and a few "Leave Clay Aiken Alone" emails, it looks like the blizog is still kicking. Good to know that the Claymates power has waned.

In any case, a couple of weeks ago, I showed you an awesome video of Scottie Pippen advertising a six foot sub (with bonus lack of emotion!). Well, today, I bring you the follow up - the introduction to Scottie Pippen's Sega CD(!) game, Slam City. This was a "full-motion" video game where your buttons controlled what the video did. I have no real clue though - I never played it (Did you ever even play Sega CD? Because I didn't).



There's that Scottie Pippen enthusiasm at the end. Although after listening to it a second time, I'm pretty sure he also is doing the lyrics for the theme song - at least there's a little enthusiasm there. Its too bad for Scottie that some other douche bag had the mid-90's basketball player hip-hop thing all locked up because I'm pretty sure he would have killed it there. Interpret "killed it" as you will...

HT: Cracked

Clay Aiken Sucks (and the Claymates too)

Let's do an exercise today. Think of an animal to describe yourself. I'll wait a few seconds, so go ahead and do it...
...
...
I'm not sure what animal you thought of yourself as, and I really don't want to explain why I chose my animal, so I won't talk about that either. That said, I will tell you I didn't think of myself as a few animals like any birds, a hippo or a Tyrannous Rex. Definitely, not a bull; however, sometimes I feel that I'm taunted like a bull. Every once in a while I feel like someone holds a big red cape out in front of me and is begging me to attack. And, for some reason, today I'm charging.

Someone told me a while ago that Clay Aiken has one of the most rabid fan bases of all time. Apparently, they call themselves Claymates, which is awesomely retarded. Anyway, apparently Claymates scour the intermets searching for people that bash Aiken, post that link on a message board and then swarm that site in protest. I discussed this a few months ago with my boy Wheezy and I think we decided it wasn't real. But after hearing this rumor float around again, I am going to test it out myself (Side note: I guess it could kinda be real - Clay Aiken has 5 pages of entries on Urban Dictionary. The first few pages are clearly his fans - the last couple are not...and way funnier).

I can honestly say I watched American Idol for the first season and a half. Much like with Survivor, I was intrigued to see how the US would adapt to this reality show, on FOX no less. Midway through the second season; however, I began rooting against someone - Clay Aiken. He just bugged me and I didn't even think he was very good. While I was never impassioned dumb enough to vote either way, I secretly rooted for him to lose. And fortunately he did (to someone who has been cut by his label already).

Then he came out with that annoying song Invisible...do you remember that song? No? Well, here's a video that should adequately capture the creepiness/crapiness of that song.



Nice love triangle in that video...In any case, now he's said he has "Shut off his urges for sex". That would be like me saying I have shut off my urges to be an NBA player and/or Thug rapper - first of all, its a lie; secondly, it doesn't matter because it will never happen. Look at the picture up there! Who's getting duped by that? No one. And, fortunately for him, he's smart enough to realize this and try to "shut off his urges."

Let's recap:
- Looks ridiculous/not attractive: Check
- Makes annoying music: Check
- Dumb: I'll give him this one since he's smart enough to realize the first two

But really, can you blame Clay Aiken for still being around? No. So, who do you blame then? Idiot people - the Claymates. These people are somehow keeping him around, barely in our brains just to warn us that someday he may be back. Jesus, people. Get a life. Let him drift away into his sweet nothingness of no sex while replaying the final scene from his season of American Idol over and over again in his house. Then, these attacks on his looks/skills will stop. But we can't expect that, can we - because this is you:



God Help Us.


* If you regularly read this site and are a Clay Aiken fan: First, come on! And, second, you knew this was coming eventually.

Will Ferrell On Live TV

So, last Friday I said I was back from the dead. Then I immediately followed this up by hooking up with a 103 degree fever and a wicked cough - which was awesome. So, I didn't feel much like blogging this weekend, and, even when I was finally feeling better, I decided to go see Juno - which was awesome.

In any case, one thing I saw this weekend while laying on the couch logging onto the intermets was this video with Will Ferrell - which was awesome.



I'm not sure why John McEnroe is there (I think he has a show on cable somewhere) but the way the old news anchor guy reacts is priceless. He also says Roy Burgandy.

Have a good week.

I'm Back From The Dead

Soooooo, I've been on a week long break from blogging. it was unintentional but it happened. I spent last weekend down in beautiful Orlando with my boy Wheezy. We got back Sunday night and 10 hours later I jumped back on a plane and headed to Mobile, AL to stalk some NFL coaches at the Senior Bowl (I'll fill you in on that more later). It was awesome, but when I was getting back to my hotel after 12:30am, I didn't feel much like blogging.

In any case, I'm back from the dead now, just in time to teach you how to do the Thriller (applicable, don't you think).



I guess I should have warned you that it was by some crazy 80's chick (and also possibly fake). Fake or not, there are 4 more videos featuring Dancin' Kim that should make you laugh. I'm not sure what Video Jug is, but those videos definitely made me laugh.

For good measure here's another one about Poppin' and Lockin' it.



That's no Pop, Lock and Drop It but it definitely had some poppin' and lockin'.

Anyway, you may wonder how I found that video - I was actually searching for how Michael Jackson learned the Moonwalk and I stumbled across the videos of that chick. If you have 5 minutes, you should really watch that Moonwalk video I linked to, if for nothing else than to hear his sister giving him a backhanded compliment at about the 2 minute mark. Seriously though - watch that and tell me you don't wish you could do the Moonwalk.

Have a good weekend.

Drunkenness with Michael Cera and Tracy Morgan

For as much as I've talked about Michael Cera on the old blizog, you'd think I'd have seen every video from him on the intermets. Sadly, that's not the case. Anyway, here's a video I hadn't seen previously and enjoyed thoroughly. Basically, if you ever wanted to hear a drunk guy ramble and mess up a story about Alexander Hamilton - this is your chance.



Part of the reason I hadn't watched this previously was because I've been watching late night TV again. If you haven't been, you missed an awesome Letterman interview with Tracy Morgan (sadly there are no more new episodes of 30 Rock...). People always think he's drunk...I can't tell (but if he is, it goes well with this post - although he does say he isn't drinking anymore, but how could he decide to make that movie with Ice Cube sober?). So, if you have some time to waste, here's the full interview broken into two parts. The line right at the 4:00 minute mark in the first part made me laugh really hard.

Part 1



"Just doin' karate and tryin' to get females pregnant."

Part 2

Wait...The Manning Brothers Have DSL's?

So I was searching for a random Peyton Manning commercial the other day and I stumbled across these two random videos. They are commercials for Double Stuffed Oreos and they must be new because I haven't seen them yet (turns out these videos were both added on January 14th). Anyway, the commercials are for the Double Stuffed Racing League or the DSRL (On a side note I somehow read that as DSL which lead made me somehow hope this commercials was going to involve DSL's. Sadly it does not) which looks hilarious. Watching them lick the Oreos is awesome actually kinda disgusting, but funny none the less.



That theme song is awesome. You can hear the acoustic version at the official site of the DSRL. You can do all the other marketing gimicky stuff there too. There are more videos on that site (the main video is the commercial above), but one of them has already made it to other parts of the internets. Here's Peyton talking about his role in the DSRL.



[Insert whatever witty comment you want about Peyton and commercials here]. Get used to these commercials, I'm sure you'll be seeing a lot of them in the weeks to come.