Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Clay Aiken Sucks (and the Claymates too)

Let's do an exercise today. Think of an animal to describe yourself. I'll wait a few seconds, so go ahead and do it...
...
...
I'm not sure what animal you thought of yourself as, and I really don't want to explain why I chose my animal, so I won't talk about that either. That said, I will tell you I didn't think of myself as a few animals like any birds, a hippo or a Tyrannous Rex. Definitely, not a bull; however, sometimes I feel that I'm taunted like a bull. Every once in a while I feel like someone holds a big red cape out in front of me and is begging me to attack. And, for some reason, today I'm charging.

Someone told me a while ago that Clay Aiken has one of the most rabid fan bases of all time. Apparently, they call themselves Claymates, which is awesomely retarded. Anyway, apparently Claymates scour the intermets searching for people that bash Aiken, post that link on a message board and then swarm that site in protest. I discussed this a few months ago with my boy Wheezy and I think we decided it wasn't real. But after hearing this rumor float around again, I am going to test it out myself (Side note: I guess it could kinda be real - Clay Aiken has 5 pages of entries on Urban Dictionary. The first few pages are clearly his fans - the last couple are not...and way funnier).

I can honestly say I watched American Idol for the first season and a half. Much like with Survivor, I was intrigued to see how the US would adapt to this reality show, on FOX no less. Midway through the second season; however, I began rooting against someone - Clay Aiken. He just bugged me and I didn't even think he was very good. While I was never impassioned dumb enough to vote either way, I secretly rooted for him to lose. And fortunately he did (to someone who has been cut by his label already).

Then he came out with that annoying song Invisible...do you remember that song? No? Well, here's a video that should adequately capture the creepiness/crapiness of that song.



Nice love triangle in that video...In any case, now he's said he has "Shut off his urges for sex". That would be like me saying I have shut off my urges to be an NBA player and/or Thug rapper - first of all, its a lie; secondly, it doesn't matter because it will never happen. Look at the picture up there! Who's getting duped by that? No one. And, fortunately for him, he's smart enough to realize this and try to "shut off his urges."

Let's recap:
- Looks ridiculous/not attractive: Check
- Makes annoying music: Check
- Dumb: I'll give him this one since he's smart enough to realize the first two

But really, can you blame Clay Aiken for still being around? No. So, who do you blame then? Idiot people - the Claymates. These people are somehow keeping him around, barely in our brains just to warn us that someday he may be back. Jesus, people. Get a life. Let him drift away into his sweet nothingness of no sex while replaying the final scene from his season of American Idol over and over again in his house. Then, these attacks on his looks/skills will stop. But we can't expect that, can we - because this is you:



God Help Us.


* If you regularly read this site and are a Clay Aiken fan: First, come on! And, second, you knew this was coming eventually.

9 comments:

Andy said...

Apparently Clay Aiken just joined the cast of Spamalot on Broadway. Unfortunately he didn't know Monty Python wasn't a person until after he did. And to think I actually wanted to see that.

Double M said...

Pretty sure that is why he is dressed that way. Its not his clothes that atrocious though...

snowpunter said...

...GO JAZZ!

Now if we can only win one in SA...

Double M said...

Hahaha, I was wondering if I would hear from you.

That was a quality win for them the other night. The Jazz just need to make sure they make the playoffs...

LauraJean said...

Andy - Spamalot is actually decently funny, but I can't really imagine Clay Aiken in the role.

D Wheezy said...

Based on the lack of outraged comments here, I guess the Claymates truly are a myth. That or they are just biding their time until they can run you down and take your very soul, from whence they will render an additional Claymate for their army using blue bird kisses and pig intestine.

B Vasquez said...

A little late but, when I hear Claymates I think of this for some reason.

Double M said...

Ha, I had forgotten about that game. It always seemed like a poor man's mix between Killer Instinct and Primal Rage.

B Vasquez said...

WTF kind of music is that?! That video makes me wish the SNES was still the shit.