Casual Dress Friday: Too Much Reading...

Its a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower and I have been sitting here for like 2 hours unable to type anything. I was going to post everyday this week and it just didn't happen. So, here I am sitting in front of the laptop trying to type something out that will make me laugh.

Sadly, I think my problem is that I'm reading too much now. Generally, reading is considered a good thing, but I have a feeling that I'm doing too much. You see, in my reader it says that I've read over 13,000 items over the last 30 days. That equates out to be around 433.33 items/day. Even if I only spend 30 seconds on each item, that equates out to be over 5 hours-a-day of reading. 5 freaking hours. Let's be honest, for a guy that like to watch between 3-5 hours of TV a day, reading this much is unacceptable. And now I've typed two straight paragraphs without so much as a video or picture, forcing you to incur the same fate as myself (and to top it off I even included some math!).

As a result, for post #199, I'm giving you a throwback post for the rest of the post. A few videos, a little text and no real plot. We'll start with the incomparable Oprah. Apparently, that video disappeared overnight. I have replaced it with a video of a younger, skinnier Charles Barkley dominating Barney.



That's not as funny as the Oprah one, but still kinda funny. At least the next clip is funny, even though its from MadTV.



If only that was on something other than MadTV it would actually be really funny. In any case, you know I can't leave you with a MadTV clip, so here's a ridiculous (and moderately NSFW) video about box eating.



Finally, here's a video of Michigan WR Mario Manningham doing the worm to celebrate Michigan's W over Penn State. I don't know why I love this so much, but I've watched it close to 100 times.



If that doesn't get you excited for football, hopefully you at least enjoyed videos.

Have a good weekend.

September 26 = Shorty's Birthday

Yesterday, I talked about a lot of movies that I saw (or didn't see this summer) and I realized that all kinds of TV starts this week. I think Shorty alone is recording like 10-12 hours this week. So, in honor of the TV that's starting, here's Stewie and Brian Griffin at last week's Primetime Emmy's.



There'll be more about TV tomorrow, but if you read the title you can guess that today is Shorty's (aka my wife) birphday and I would be remiss if I didn't dedicate a post to her.

Shorty's birthday is one of like 10 birthday's that I remember off-hand anymore. For pretty much everything else I rely on The Facebook.com. Unfortunately, I only check the Facebook about once or twice a week, so every now and then I miss a birthday. Anyway, I want to thank Shorty for going to bed every night around 10 - 10:30. This gives me plenty of time to sit here and write (although you'd think I'd mix in a few more posts with that much time, huh), maintain my 8 bazillion fantasy/pickem leagues and talk to the guy you call my "boyfriend" (I should clarify, I'm not gay - not that there's anything wrong with that).

So what better way to celebrate Shorty turning 25 years old then to have a music video* of 4 dudes that I cannot explain.



So, yeah, happy birthday, Shorty! If you couldn't figure it out, the name of that band is Bear Force 1. I'm pretty sure its a joke, but if its not, it is awesome.

But in all seriousness, if you didn't know, Shorty has quit her job and started over twice during the last 14 months, just to move for my job. And while she hasn't really been happy about it either time, she's made the best of it and I couldn't have done it without her. So as she turns old today, tell her thanks for keeping the skeet thrower throwing (niiiiice).

* Also, thanks to one of my favorite interns, Dan Cromer, for providing me with this brilliant link.

What Did I Do This Summer?

Two of my big plans at the beginning of the summer included making sure I drafted Drew Brees very high in my fantasy football drafts and watching a lot of movies. As I'm watching Bress single-handedly destroying the only fantasy team on which I got him (seriously, 5 turnovers...d-bag), I realized that since fall has officially begun, the summer movie season is over (I'm pretty sure it was over after Super Bad came out, but I'm not sure - maybe there were a few more movies. When did the Bourne Ultimatum come out? I'm not sure.). Anyway, at this point, I can look back over the movies I saw and the onesI missed but had originally wanted to see and give you a quick (1-2 sentence rundown).

• Pirates 3 - Didn't see it. Heard it was ok. Waiting for DVD.


• Shrek 3 - Didn't see it. Heard it was subpar compared to I & II. Waiting for DVD.


• Spiderman 3 - Saw it. It was ok but I was kinda bored. Thought they underused Venom.
  
  Fortunately, someone came up with a video of how Spiderman 3 should have gone (here's a 30 second recap of 1 & 2 if you forgot what happened).

Oh well. I guess it was better than Spaderman (spoiler: there's an Ackbar cameo!)



What was I talking about...ah yes, movies.

• Knocked Up - Brilliant. DVD comes out today.


• Evan Almighty - Didn't see it because I heard too many bad things. That said, Steve Carrell's part as Evan is one of my favorite parts of Bruce Almighty, so I'll see this on DVD.


• Live Free or Die Hard - Awesome. If you love Die Hard, you'll love this. Also, if you didn't watch that Die Hard music video, do it.


• Transformers - A near perfect representation of my second favorite toys growing up behind Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (with Transforming Turtles somewhere in between) but ahead of Lego's (how did they make black Lego's).


• License to Wed - Shorty wanted to see this, but I think the last funny thing Robin Williams did was that stand-up he did on HBO.


• I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry - I like Kevin James (I actually think he was really funny in Hitch) and Adam Sandler made me cry when I first saw Happy Gilmore, but I didn't see it. As you can tell, there are too many movies on this list when you factor in other things like tv and sleeping (and moving and working I guess).


• Superbad - My favorite movie of the summer. This was like the best of 40 Year Old Virgin meets American Pie. Some people didn't like this, but after a clip like this, how can you not like this movie.

• The Simpsons Movie - Saw it. Felt like I just watched a 90 minute episode of The Simpsons. Take it or leave it. The season premiere of the TV show started with an intro that picked up from the movie if you saw it.


• Bourne Ultimatum - Wanted to see it, but it didn't make it.


• Rush Hour 3 - Didn't see it. Did you know Chris Tucker was still alive. Who didn't love Friday. I liked the first 2 Rush Hours, but I have to assume it was exactly the same as the first two.

As you can see, there are a bunch of movies I didn't even consider seeing. For instance, Ratatouille (which I heard was good), Harry Potter (never seen any of them) or Daddy Day Camp. Did you know that Daddy Day Camp was directed by Fred Savage and featured Cuba Gooding. Jr. picking up a role that Eddie Murphy refused. What the hell happened to you Cuba? You were awesome in Jerry Maguire and made me tear up in Radio. Then you were perfect in Boat Trip. Nevermind. If you were going to do a crappy sequel, you should have tried to get in on Spiderman.

Nothing Like A Rap Cover

I'm a huge mix tape guy. Ever since I was in high school, I have been checking out websites that sell the same mix tapes that you could buy bootleg style from some dude on the corner of NY or DC (of course, once Napster and other things file-sharing tools, I was able to actually check out the songs on said mix tapes, but that's neither here nor there). Mix tapes are great because DJs in NY will generally push the new singles before they are on radio, so you can get a jump on what's new, you can get some great freestyles and diss tracks and you can also get some mix tape exclusive remixes and covers (that's a Kanye remix, and if you have time and like Kanye, check it out - it includes the line, "she ain't pregnant but she's about to have twins." Genious). A lot of times, the remixes are trash, but every once in a while, you get a gem. My favorite remixes, for some reason, always seem to be when someone takes a hip-hop song and slows it waaaaay down (in other words they cover it in their own style). For instance, Alanis did that remix/cover of My Humps (which was an atrocious song) and made it awesome and actually tolerable. Another example is Jamie Cullum, who actually covered Frontin' by Pharrell, which was a cool song to begin with. Somehow Cullum made it even better - probably because he reminded me of Van Morisson and his singing is tolerable.

Wow, that was a long paragraph. Anyway, one of my favorite covers was by Dynamite Hack (Austin, Texas, baby!). They covered Eazy-E's Boyz N the Hood. This is an older one, but it is awesome.



Ah, yes - nothing like a couple of white boys singing some hardcore rap. But it doesn't stop there, you may or may not have heard of Jonathan Coulton. I don't know anything about him, but he did cover Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back.



Pretty good, right? Where is this all going? Well, you may or may not have watched the Emmy's on Sunday (I didn't as there was football to be watched), but I did catch it on tape delay (aka the Internets). There was a segment featuring Rainn Wilson where he sings the lyrics to Kanye's "Stronger". Its pretty funny if you haven't seen it.



Ah, Rainn. You always leave me satisfied and smiling.

Casual Dress Friday: No Longer Will Sticking It In Be Allowed

It's a Casual Dress Friday and I'm gonna fill you into a little secret about myself: I don't follow Virginia Tech football. I never really disliked or liked them, but I always rooted for them to beat those bastards down at Miami. Obviously, I knew about the pre-dogfighting Vick brothers, Frank Beamer's face and their special teams, but not much else. One rumor I had heard about Virginia Tech football home games was that fans would chant "Stick it In" in goal line situations. I never really believed it though, and I assumed that, even if it did happen, it was a small portion of people. Well, thanks to a sweet find from The Wizard of Odds I now have proof that this happens.



It turns out that the band actually plays a song called "Stick It In" that people would chant with. Impressive (Nebraska band, you should be taking notes).

Unfortunately, I will never get to experience this tradition as Virginia Tech administration has outlawed sticking it in because they deem it lude. Bush league, VT. Real bush. I guess I'll have to go to Oregon. What's next, are you going to be eliminating your sensitivity training?



See what happens? If you tell people they can't stick it in, then they're gonna find other ways to express themselves. Next thing you know, you're gonna end up with guys like this that graduate from your university.



Ok, so I have no clue whether he graduated from VT, in fact, I would guess he didn't, but he is in Bowling Green, KY which is close enough. Fortunately, I am now distracted by ridiculous news clips like this from the World Wide Leader.



I guess that's not so much ridiculous as it is a blooper. I'm impressed that ESPN doesn't run on a tape delay to catch stuff like that. You'd think everyone would run on at least a little tape delay, lest something like this should happen.



Ah, yes. Nothing like a little Chuck Storm to finish out the week.

Have a good weekend.

Britney Dwight in a Bra

I watched parts of the VMAs on Sunday night (I DVR'd it and am waiting to watch the full broadcast with my wife). I immediately came here and began to write a post about how bad Britney Spears's performance was (some people have ripped her for looking bad, but I don't think that's the case at all. Is she as tight as before? No. But she's also had two kids and been on coke/meth/somthing. Cut her some slack). Then there was media overload that reminded me of the whole Miss USA fell down thing. By now, I'm sure you're sick of it, so I'll just refer you to an old post where I talk about Britney to state my feelings.

So, if you've heard enough about Britney in her bra, what do you want to hear about? How about Dwight Schrute in a bra! I don't know if you've seen the commercials for the US women's soccer team featuring Jim Mike. Now, I know your first reaction is "Wait. Dwight can't be Jim!", this is true (except for one time). Fortunately, Dwight is actually an actor named Rainn Wilson (I know that's a Dwight clip), so he can act as other people. Amazing. Want to see proof? I've included the five (5!) commercials below. Since they're commercials, they're short, so you shouldn't feel guilty for watching them.

The first three commercials are about Jim Mike auditioning for his position.

#1


#2


#3 (this one is my favorite)


I know what you're thinking "Funny, but didn't you promise me Dwight in a bra?" Why yes I did and its a rule of mine that anytime I promise someone a man in a bra, I deliver. On a side note, it is also a rule of mine to never trust a man with two first names. This would disqualify Jim Mike from ever entering my circle of excellence trust. Anyway, without further ado, here's Dwight Schrute/Jim Mike/Rainn Wilson in a bra.



There seems to be a new one every day. As I was writing this, I saw a new one and had to update the post. Here's the final commercial to date.



If you watched the commercials, you saw the motto "Greatest team you've never heard of" (which is grammatically incorrect, Jim Mike) but also very similar to this blog's unofficial motto "The 4th greatest non-daily pop-culture black-hole blog that you have heard of because your reading this but that most people haven't heard of." See the similarities? They even end with the same grammatical incorrectness. I should look into whether Jim Mike stole this from me...I knew I couldn't trust that guy.

* I forget who originally sent me those commercials, and for that I am sorry. Thanks though - those are awesome.

"I want to tell you why I grieve, but why I do not despair."

It's been a long time since I've posted something serious here on the old blogger and I figured 1 every 100 posts or so would be ok. Since its the anniversary of 9/11, I wanted to show one of the coolest speeches that a lot of people didn't see. I remember watching this and thinking that this was probably one of the most important speeches I would watch for a while. And it was coming from Jon Stewart. I won't add any commentary as I think Jon says it better than I could.



How skinny was Jon Stewart? Regular skeet throwing will return tomorrow.

Football is in Full Effect

Well, its September and one of my favorite traditions - the football season - has arrived. This weekend the football kicked into full effect with an entire weekend of college and NFL games. What does this mean? Basically every weekend from now until January, I will be sitting in front of my TV and my computer watching games and scores from about 11am to 10pm. Good times. Of course, since I'm sitting in front of a computer, you'd think this would increase the number of blog posts I make, but this has not held true after NFL week 1.

Of course, football season means its time for fantasy football. This year, I upped myself from 1 FFL team and one pick-em to 4 FFL teams, 2 NFL pick-ems and 2 college pick-ems. I've gone overboard. I couldn't even tell you who to root for this week because I had too many conflicting players. For the first time, in one of my leagues, I own Peyton Manning and I didn't have to play against him in any other leagues this week. This made it easy to root for a guy that I generally make fun of a lot. That said, I was very impressed with Peyton's SNL appearance. After it aired the first time, I only saw a few clips, but it was rerun on Saturday and I DVR'd the whole thing On a side note - I've decided SNL is a prime DVR show - there's really only about 45 minutes of skits and you can probably fast forward through about 20 minutes of them (for instance, anything that features Keenan). But I digress - Peyton had me laughing quite a few times, such as in this skit.



Thank God Keenan had a towel there or he could have ruined the whole skit Jimmy Fallon style. I'll let it slide though since that funny cop from Superbad was trying no to laugh as well. Also, I guess Peyton doesn't make me laugh as much there as the guy that's in The Brother's Solomon (which is just getting slaughtered on Rotten Tomatoes). I guess his name is Will Forte (I don't think Will Forte even says anything in that clip). He's no Will Arnett.



And you think that I only remembered Will Arnett from Arrested Development

Casual Dress Friday: Where Did Carlton Alfonso Go?

Its a Casual Dress Friday and its been a crazy last 24 hours for me. Here's a list of the things I've done:

1. Watched Shorty move from healthy, to deathly ill, to OK, to sick


2. Realized that I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life in the last few months


3. Finally broken ground on a top-secret project that will change our (yes, that's you and me) lives forever


4. Redesigned the blog, a whole 10 posts ahead of schedule (theres a column on the left side now!)

See? I've been very busy. And that list doesn't even factor in the start of the college football or NFL seasons this week or my brother getting married last weekend. Busy times!

You know what I like to do when I get busy and feel like I don't have enough energy? Stay up a little later than I should and mix in some old-school Fresh Prince featuring former man-crush Will Smith.

Most of the time that cheers me up. But last night my mind drifted off on Carlton Alfonso Ribeiro. On a side note, until today I always thought it was Riveiro, not Ribeiro, huh. How did a talent like this just drift off into the sunset? He was clearly a higher profile guy than Will Smith going into that show - so how did he fall off. If nothing else, I guarantee you that he had more street cred thanks to dances like this.



That scene right there may have very well propelled the next few years of Carlton's Alfonso's life. He got a record deal featuring the single Dance Baby, was featured in a Pepsi commercial with Michael Jackson and wrote a book in which he discusses how to break dance (it even comes with a fold-out breaking board and a soundtrack). Here's the advertisement for the book.



I want to know how many people that couldn't/shouldn't dance, bought "Breakin' and Poppin'" and tried to learn to dance (and rap). Let's be honest, I would have been one of those people. For $19.95, I'm upset I missed out on that hot-ass deal...I just tried calling that number from the commercial. No one answered. If you get through, let me know.

So, Carlton Alfonso was on TV, had a MTV commercial, a CD and a book deal all 5-10 years before Will Smith even appeared on TV. So how come no one thinks of Carlton Alfonso anymore. I mean, he was in an Andy Williams Christmas Special. He could have had his own Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Float. How come he's not in feature films or making CD's called Big Carlton Alfonso Style? I guess we'll never know.

If nothing else, couldn't some one get Carlton Alfonso on the newest edition of DWTS? I mean Kelly from 90210 (it looks like Brian Austin Green should have watched "Breakin' and Poppin'") is on there and she was a shady biatch when she stole Dillon from Brenda (not that I hold a grudge or anything).

Update: I just put my check in the mail and mailed it to that Breakin' and Poppin' address. I expect to receive my book pronto or else I'm coming for you Carlton Alfonso.

Have a good weekend.

Attack of the Parade Floats

I love the Internets. As I was writing a post for yesterday, I stumbled across the most ridiculous set of videos: Marvel's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade floats. I'll let the videos speak for themselves in a minute, but I ask you - when was the last time you watched a Thanksgiving Day parade. These things were like tv monsters 10-20 years ago and then all-of-a-sudden - nothing. I know they're still on TV but now the floats suck and the no one watches. Maybe its because we're over our obsession with giant balloons or maybe we just got tired of things like this.



That is one of the most ridiculous floats ever. Why is the Back to the Future music playing in the background? Thank god its hosted by Willard Scott lest that presentation degrade into mayhem. I think there was some actual skeet throwing on that float. Unprecedented. That float may have single-handedly killed the comic book industry in the late 80's/early 90's. Not to be outdone (by themselves apparently), Marvel had another float in 1989.



Apparently the parade hosts remembered that Willard Scott did these creepy McDonald's commercials and decided to give him an unenthusiastic co-host. At least Marvel decided to add the timeless Melba Moore to the float to beef up the music. Wait a second...did they just turn this into a musical? My goodness. I can only assume that the Joker parade scene in the first Batman movie was making fun of these ridiculous things.

All things considered, I'm not sure that Batman had room to talk.



Maybe it was all just a bad dream.