Friday, March 07, 2008

Skeet Thrower Draft: Dance Skills

So after 300 posts, I'm trying to find ways to stay fresh. There could be several ways to do this (for instance, Wheezy and his friends at Enliv Comics are going to be doing some crazy stuff with their comics), but I've come up with/stolen/read somewhere else about a good one. Fantasy drafts.

When fantasy football season rolls around, the draft is one of the things I look forward to the most - the picks are fun and so is getting to laugh at other people's picks. So, I got a few people together and we conducted a fantasy draft. I've wrapped the draft into a post so you can enjoy/critique our picks (this is the first time writing a draft post, so hang with me). Warning: Turns out this post is really, really long - and if you really get bored, you can skip right to the poll (that's right you get to vote) at the end for a recap.

Since this is the first draft, here's a quick run through of who was involved:

MM (me) - The Skeet Thrower - It's my blog, how would I not be in my own draft.
Wheezy - I've only referenced him and his blog a few times.
Ross - He wrote the longest comment ever on my blog. Side note, Ross actually does good stuff for people - really, visit that link and donate.
Adam - Also a frequent commenter on the Skeet Thrower, Adam graced us with his BCS Top 5 last year.
Laura - I decided that having a chick involved would be a good thing. Bonus, she once wrote an ode to me.

Each persons picks is in bold or is a hyperlink, their reasoning is in italics and everyone else's comments are included also.

I now welcome you to the first ever Skeet Thrower draft.

Topic: "Dance Skills" or, more specifically, "If I could have one person's dance moves it would be...". It can be any person past or present and don't worry about whether they can sing or what they looked like - just the ability to dance.

Rounds: 3, snaking draft order.

First Round

1. Wheezy: Justin Timberlake
Initially when I was trying to think of people with the best moves, I thought of Michael Jackson. But then I remember that his behavior seems to lead to too much plastic surgery and alleged child molestation. so I thought I'd go with JT since he's essentially a modern MJ when it comes to the dance moves. That, and after about five minutes into the Futuresex / Loveshow special on HBO I blacked out, only to awaken an hour later naked in a yard somewhere in Tampa. Witnesses said I was "moving like pure sex". Plus, Tampa is a 2 hour drive ... any my car was nowhere in sight. T'was the power of JT I tell you.

2. Ross: Michael Jackson
I'm sorry Dan, JT is not a modern Michael Jackson. Sure Michael's life is in shambles now, but this guy has moves and he's a classic. Besides, I'm just stealing his moves, not his creepiness. Being able to break out a flawless Moon Walk and Thriller would go over great at parties.

Wheezy: Like... 6 year old birthday parties.

3. Adam: David Brent (Ricky Gervais)
David brings a level of committed devotion and showmanship to his performance style that transcends the adolescent-swooning thrusts of MJ and JT. And if party-crowd acceptance is the litmus with which these individuals are ultimately tested – then I’ll place my bets with the man who can bring the house down with “Free Love on the Freelove Freeway” and who can close the deal upstairs with “If you don’t know me by now.” (And I realize those particular performances are not exhibitions of dancing skill. But a truly brilliant performer is much more than a hot set of hips. I’ll take the mind behind the pelvis.)

MM: Draft note: Adam was nice enough to include a video link for his pick. You'll notice that the draft really takes a different spin here.



Ross: I can only imagine this will ultimately lead to somebody picking Elaine.

4. Laura: Usher
One word: Abs. More than one word: When Usher was 13 he was signed by L.A. Reid. When JT was thirteen he was about to be on the Mickey Mouse Club. While JT worked on his cheesy boy band moves, Usher was being awesome all on his own. Usher has also never (allegedly) molested small children. He's shown versatility by also recently starring in Chicago on Broadway.

5. MM: AC Slater
AC is versatile - he can go pop but he can also break out a little formal/ballet style on you. Plus he banged two of the hottest chicks of my childhood, Kelly and Jessie. Here's video evidence:



Second Round

MM: Draft note: "Snaking" order means the order of the draft reverses each round.

6. MM: Soulja Boy
For the first pick of the 2nd round, I'm taking Soulja Boy. He gets real rugged, brings a hip-hop/street feel and he single-handedly created a world-wide sensation. Plus he's got an internet video that has 28+ million views. It's probably a little early on him, but I can't risk losing him over the next 8 picks...

Adam: Hey could you guys remove my work email from the reply-all’s?

7. Laura: Shakira
Her hips don't lie, but they sure do defy the logic of a normal human's range of motion. Besides, if I'm building a team, I think that Shakira and Usher could come up with some crazy shit. Different styles, but both are sexy as hell with good technique. I really didn't want to be the first (maybe only) to pick a girl, but like MM I didn't want to risk losing this one if I waited too long.

Ross: Laura, you're 2/2 on pick stealing. I took Adam's work email off the list, so we can make fun of him with no recourse for a couple more hours. Adam, I know I've never met you before, so sorry if this is out of line, but I hear your mom goes to college.

Adam: Actually, I'm reading these all on my phone. I just didn't want to type that whole thing out with my thumbs. So Ross, I'm going to pull a Lou Dobbs and challenge you to a real battle if you have something to say. Come through these tubes and let's see what you're made of.

Laura: Why don't we just keep picking dancers...I don't want you guys to clog the tubes with your fighting nonsense.

Ross: Oh shit, I just got busted. It's on now, I guess. You've just made a nemesis you might not be able to handle.

8. Adam: Little Superstar
With the 3rd Pick of the 2nd Round of the "So You Think You Can Dance if you pick these people's Dance skills" Skeet Thrower Draft, I select Little Superstar. Little Superstar offers the human-fluidity of all of the first-round picks at just a portion of the body mass, while managing to not sacrifice any amount of sex appeal. Plus his small-size and internet-based popularity decreases the likelihood of signability issues.

MM: Is that a midget or little kid? And if so, can I adopt him/it?

9. Ross: Christopher Walken
I was really shaken up by the loss of my Shakira pick. I was so distraught I almost rushed into a pick I would have regretted. Driving back from a friend's house I was still unsure and I didn't feel like I had a really good pick. Then it hit me. I offer no explanation, but rather just a video clip:



10. Wheezy: Alfonso Ribeiro
Ouch. That last pick was a killer Ross. Well this draft has certainly taken an interesting turn. I feel like every fantasy draft I've ever been in, where I start out with what I feel was a strong pick, but as time goes on and the rest of the league makes their own picks, a spark of doubt creeps into my subconscious as I think to myself "Should I have picked Little Superstar?" Only time will tell. Far be it from me to just lay down and take it (that's what she said), I'm fairly certain this next pick is going to lock things down for me. In a move that may very well make the internet explode in some sort of worm hole of recursive cyclical destruction, my 2nd pick for the Skeet Thrower Draft: If I Could Steal One Person's Dance Moves has been inspired, nay, demanded by the Skeet Thrower himself: Alfonso Ribeiro. Or perhaps you better know him as Carlton? But don't let that compilation fool you - as MM himself pointed out on the very blog that is running this draft, Alfonso has moves from WAY back.

Third Round

11. Wheezy: Nick Swardson
This last one has been tough. So many to pick from - the world at my finger tips. Which master of the art of dance should I go with? Earlier MM brought up numbers when he picked Soulja Boy. 28+ Million. That's quite the following. So I thought to myself... what's the most important possible aspect of any set of numbers. The answer? High Score.



12. Ross: John Travolta
So I didn't envision that Christopher Walken would be the least crazy member of my dance team, but he clearly is, as my last pick is Scientology's John Travolta. I was trying to add a little Latin flair into the mix, but that'd be a little too flashy for me anyways. I feel having Travolta's moves would be a lot more fitting for me than being able to shake my bon bon like Ricky Martin. He's a hit in any decade, and I think if I could dance like Travolta ladies of all ages would swoon at my feet. No youtube clip needed here, because this is a solid pick and all of you know it without having to see video proof.

MM: Just to be safe, here's a clip.

13. Adam: Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield)
The 3rd round is such a tough round to draft for, you're relying totally on your scouting department by this point and these are the types of picks that can totally make or break your draft when analyzed ten years later. My front office really wants me to draft a Yo-Gabba-Gabba all star as an investment pick, but frankly I think I'm just one refined pick away from having the best acquired dance-skills of the year. So with my third and final-pick, I select Al Czervik.

Ross: That looks like an unrefined version of The Elaine. I've been on to your strategy from round 1.

14. Laura: Fred Astaire
I decided to stay in the movie star dancer pool, but throw it back a ways. (1) He's like the original (2) He danced on a ceiling in Royal Wedding (3) Classy choice to balance out the sex appeal of the rest of the team - you can have too much and I don't want to take away from the dancing (4) Managed to get out of Omaha in the early 20th century to make it in Hollywood (5) Had enough something-something to get someone 45 years his junior.

15. MM: Early 2000's Britney Spears
I'm surprised my pick made it this far and I consider a steal of the draft. Somewhere during my freshman year of college, she transformed from attractive chick to a potential BCS-top 5 member and don't tell me you didn't watch the Slave or Toxic videos every single time they were on TV. Everyone was mesmerized by her moves.



And that's it for the draft. This is easily the longest post ever (maybe I'll split it up next time). But if you made it this far - now, is when you get to participate. I want you all to decide who drafted the best dance moves (let's be honest though, we're all gonna vote too). To vote, I've included a nice poll here (I'm not sure if this will show up in a reader, so just click through to the page).

Thanks for reading - hope you enjoyed this as much as we did. If nothing else, now you have something to talk about this weekend.





16 comments:

B Vasquez said...

I'm tempted to vote for wheezy but his second round pick is a miss for me.

Adam is making me feel like he's got an 07 Dolphins team on his hands.

M lost me in the first round and jumped off a cliff in the third.

Now its between 2 amazing 3 picks, Ross and Laura....I'm tempted to go with Ross just bc Chris Walk is amazing as is Jackson, but Usher and Shakira have their own awesomeness...this is the hardest decision of my life

D Wheezy said...

Tight race up to this point. I also considered throwing in "The Evolution of Dance", considering it's the all time most viewed YouTube video (77.5 Million - take THAT Soulja Boy), but I decided he was a one trick pony.

Carlton is a miss for you Vasquez? Are you kidding me? Perhaps you didn't see his early moves...

B Vasquez said...

alright, you've convinced me, you're in the running now as well, though that definitely does not make my life easier. Now its between 3 awesome tri-picks, but I think Nick and JT are going to bump you up, if you just look at D in a Box's dance moves, its enough to give you the edge.

Double M said...

Wheezy, I like the Optimus Prime version of The Evolution of Dance better. Plus, even though that evolution guy is good I kinda want to punch him in the face.

Adam said...

07 Dolphins??? More like 91 Twins.

D Wheezy said...

I mainly want to punch him in the face because he can do what I can only dream of as I rehearse in front of a mirror for hours on end every Friday.

Speaking of... gotta get back.

Double M said...

As of 2:45, the 07 dolphins are leading...

Ben said...

i cant believe walken slipped so far. I remember sitting up till 3-4AM with Ross waiting for this video to come on tv.

so thats why i voted for him.

but im also very upset noone picked up christina aguilera. she can get dirrrty. and im not just saying that because her life size cardboard cutout has slept in the same bed with me. im saying this because she rules.

Ross said...

That could have been the third pick I needed to wrap my team up, Ben. Oh well I think I've got a great trio. I'm a little disappointed Adam's clown car of a team is in the lead, I actually expected Laura to walk away with this one.

D Wheezy said...

You guys are overunderestimating the voting clientele on this one. People who read the internet most likely can't dance, nor have any enthusiasm for the skills of such people as Fred Astaire.

On another note - if this draft is "If I could have one person's dance moves it would be...", meaning what person you would like to be able to dance like, I'm getting a really... interesting... mental picture of a Mueller dancing like Britney Spears from "Toxic."

Double M said...

Here's the thing: for the same reason you would want to watch someone dance like JT or MJ at a party, you'd want to see me dance like Britney.

I'd bet you couldn't look away...

Ben said...

ive never met MM but im getting a creepy yet bonerific picture in my head right now

CresceNet said...

Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my site, it is about the CresceNet, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://www.provedorcrescenet.com . A hug.

D Wheezy said...

I could never look away. For the rest of my life.

D Wheezy said...

And our friend's "blog" isn't in English. But I did enjoy the hug.

LauraJean said...

I definitely wouldn't be able to look away.

I want to give shoutouts to some of my runner-ups.

Chris Brown - too soon for him, but watch out in the future. He has usher-like skills, but he also "dance battles" Also: 30 million and he's hot.

Janet Jaskson, Beyonce (especially with my shakira pick) and J Lo all got some consideration. Clearly I like ladies with a backside.


Also I really almost picked Micheal Flatley. Yes, the Lord of the Dance. the name says it all.