Its a casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower, and this being a family website and all, I try to keep this fairly respectable most of the time. And by respectible, I mean worthless and ridiculous. Why do I constantly remind you that this is a family place? Because Wheezy's post about his Mom finding his blog is one of my biggest fears.
As you know (if you can read), I was in Fort Wayne earlier this week (more on this in a second). I was meeting my parents there, so I emailed my itinerary to them. Not a big deal right? Well, I used an email address that has a link to my blog at the bottom. So, potentially mi madre is reading this right now. And that was dumb. Although not nearly as dumb as this guy:
What an idiot! But I digress - like I said, I flew out to Fort Wayne (FW) earlier this week. We had a connecting flight through Dallas where I saw this sweet advertisement for the Dallas Mavericks:
I'm not sure what MAVS FEVER is, but any slogan that includes "Catch It, Spread It" is probably something I'd want to avoid. Of course, this was just the precursor to some ridiculous signs in FW. Apparently FW hasn't caught onto the whole that's what she said thing. Everywhere we went there were signs that made me laugh to myself. For instance, Mike's Express Car Wash had a sign that said "$5 - As Long As You Want" (on a side note, that may be the most professional car wash website ever) and a new Meijer's boasted "So big you won't believe it!"
But you can see things like that anywhere. The motherload of "that's what she said" occured when I was in the airport waiting to come home. A family (husband and wife, 3-year-old daughter and a grandma) sat down behind us in the terminal. The conversation was about candy and went a little something like this:
Grandma: Let me give her some. Mom: Don't you give it to her. Daughter: I want it! Mom: I'm not gonna let you have it. Daughter: Please, just let me have it. Grandma: Here, just put this in your mouth.
Daughter takes candy and clearly doesn't like it.
Mom: See, she doesn't like it! Now look what you've put in her mouth. Grandma: Well, just let her spit it out then. You don't have to swallow it, honey. Mom: No. You put that in your mouth, now you have to finish it. You don't get to spit it out. Grandma: But she doesn't like it. Mom: I don't care. If she puts something in her mouth, it doesn't need to come back out.
Honest to God. I was in "That's What She Said" overload. I honestly said it to myself like 10 times and then I was just in shock. I turned around to see if they were reading a script or if some of my friends were standing behind the people laughing because it was all staged. Turns out it was really happening (unfortunately, so is this Tony Parker rap video) and I couldn't believe it.
Now, you all know that the Skeet Thrower loves some good hip-hop (especially if it has some good skeet throwing (SFW) lyrics or a great breakdancing video). It is in my blood. That said, I love all kinds of music and one of my mainstays used to be me dropping some "genious" videos of the past on you. And because it has been a long while since I brought you a classic music video, I've decided to bring you one today.
Now aside from several obvious questions, like what in the hell was that, you may be saying to yourself, "Where have I heard that song before?" Well, you prolly saw it here:
Now that damn song is gonna be stuck in your head all day.
Why a random video on Monday? Well, you heard about basketball in the recap and with the Final Four coming this weekend, a lot of you are gonna be on b-ball OD, so I thought I would go a different way (if you really want basketball, check out this hip-hop Duke dis video (NSFW language). Plus, I want to talk about one of the coolest songs I (finally) illegally downloaded this weekend. It is the remix of Fall Out Boys' "This Ain't A Scene, Its An Arms Race" Remix featuring Kanye West.
But before I talk about the song, let me ask - why in the hell do alt-rock or punk-rock or pop-rock, or whatever the hell the call themselves, decide to name all of their songs ridiculous titles? "This Ain't A Scene" would be good enough. What the hell does that even mean? This is awful. My iPod can't handle shit like that. Leave it to like 25 characters, dbags. I'll let it slide because I like the song, but don't do it again.
Want another more ridiculous example?
Panic! at the Disco: There's a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey. You Just Haven't Thought of it Yet.
The name of your band is ludicrous enough as it is, but they went ahead and created a song with two freaking sentences in the title. 2 sentences! Its a title. Is it not bad enough that the radio overplayed your damn song "I Write Sins, Not Tradgedies?"; you had to create a song with a name like this? I haven't even heard it but I can't imagine you have time for anything else but a chorus with a title like this. And your name is like in high school when some guy I knew always signed his emails "Douche!" (the name was changed to protect the douche). I want to fight you.
But I digress, the whole reason I wanted to talk about this song was Kanye's lyrics. They cut to the heart of me. I've reprinted them here so you can read them while you listen to the song (I've even bolded some of the best parts)...
Now I don’t know what the hell this song is talking ’bout Do you? She said ‘yeah, I’ve been spending all day tryin’ to figure that out, You too?’ The arm race made ‘em raise their arm and race straight to the top Who knew? Right now they got the number one spot do you want that? Me too
One thing I gotta call out boy Take a look at Fall Out Boy ‘Cause they ain’t black when they get money they don’t ball out, boy They just buy tight jeans ‘Till their nuts hang all out boy They figure they dress tight so we ‘gun dress tighter He dress white so we ‘gun dress whiter So in spite of anything you might of seen or heard–this scene occurred Word.
I think this whole rap is a subtle shot at the Fall Out Boys. Genious. I'm not saying I don't like Fall Out Boys, I just think Kanye lit them up on their own remix.
If only he could mix in something about Jack Bauer stopping nuclear attacks both here and abroad in tight, full-length t-shirts...wait a second.
I'm now issuing a challenge to the hip-hop world - someone come up with lyrics describing this. Can we get Dre and Jay-Z on this please?
I mean, Mims has a song where he doesn't say anything - can't we just rap about Bauer? Speaking of Mims, read these lyrics to yourself (just read, don't sing the music in the background) and tell me you don't smile...
This is why I'm hot, This is why I'm Hot This is why, this is why, this is why I'm Hot I'm Hot cause I'm fly, you ain't cause you not This is why, this is why, this is why I'm Hot ... This is why I'm hot, I ain't gotta rap I sell a mill sayin' nothin' ... This is why I'm hot, shorty see tha drop Ask me what I paid and I say yeah I paid a gwop...
So I'm in Fort Wayne, IN, population 205,727, as I write this. As you can tell, it is not a very big city. What's that have to do with anything? Well, Saturday I had the chance to watch the Division II NCAA Championship game between Barton College (located in Wilson, North Carolina with a population of about 44,405) and Winona State University (located in Winona, Minnesota with a population of about 27,069).
Both of these cities are significantly smaller than where I'm at currently, but since I knew I was heading to a smaller city yesterday, I decided to watch the game. It was a close game but a realtively boring game. That is until there were about 45 seconds left.
Most people wouldn't watch this game...its Barton (which made me immediately thing of Vodka) and the lesser known WSU (and by lesser known, I mean NO-body knows them). In any case, here's the clip of the last 45 seconds, worth watching again even if you have seen it.
How about that reverse layup to tie the game. Pretty ballsy, huh? Between that game and the sweet Elite 8 games plus the fact that the Association is ramping up into the playoff push...good times for hoops fans.
Onto the recap:
On Monday, I didn't post but I got called out by Johnny for not posting. I'm out of town, but hopefully, I'll have something up tomorrow.
Wednesday I continued my campaign fow Woolery to take over the PIR. Also, as a bonus, Adam gave us a look at his BCS Man-Crush List.
It's a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower, and I'm still recovering from the 3 amazing games last night. 3 of the 4 were brilliant. Plus Kobe aka Mamba dropped 60 points last night. An all around good night of basketball.
But you didn't come herrrrre to talk about basketball (unless you got a Basketball Jones), you came here for what I promised you last week - The BCS Bottom Five. I've changed the name from BCS Most Hated mainly because I don't like the word hate I think its a better name.
As always, there are a few rules to this:
The Rules:
You must be a woman or a really girly man (not to be confused with a grizzly man).
You must be a celebrity or, at least, someone that I'll prolly not talk to. Furthermore, it has to be someone - not a whole group of people. You can't just go all Tim Haradway on a group of people lest something like this might happen.
The person can be fictional (from now on known as "The Jack Bauer Rule"); however, if a character makes it into the Bottom Five, you are allowed to hate the real person under that same category.
Generally, you are a person that I would root against in the game of life.
And that's it. A little more complicated than the BCS Man Crush List, but not to hard (honestly, if you can't get it, I'm surprised you've made it this far).
She's always been kind of a shady biatch but Ms. Pompeo takes it to a whole new level on Grey's Anatomy. She is like a bad mix between the Gilmore Girls and an old aunt that won't shut the hell up at a family gathering. Do you know that she's almost 40? Not that that's ungodly old, but she's supposed to be like 25. I hope to God my doctor friend doesn't ever meet anyone like her because I think he'd shoot himself in the face and then I wouldn't have anyone to give me a prostate exam in the future.
I have quit watching this show (not that I really watched it to begin with), but when Meredith was in the coma/purgatory/death world, I was hoping she wouldn't wake up. Random fact, did you know she was in Daredevil? That movie sucked.
4. Joan Cusack
I don't even know why I don't like you, I just don't. You're like some crazy mix between Lara Flynn Boyle and Skeletor (that one prolly has some NSFW language but is good to go with headphones and worth the watch). And I hate your damn cell phone commercials (this one being my worst nightmare). Who is going to buy US Cellular, and, more importantly, what marketing genious was like - "You know who'd be great for this spot? Joan mother f-ing Cusack, that's who!" I bet they're unemployed now. For some reason, you annoy me in every movie you are in. I wish you would have tagged the filing cabinet in this clip. You are way better in Spanish because you don't talk. Please go away.
I didn't like your talk show before and I don't like you on "The View." Also, you perpetuate the stereotype that box-eaters are less like porn stars and more like rectangles, and that makes me sad. You know that someone is annoyning when an Asian rapper remixes one of the best hip-hop dis songs of all-time to attack you:
Rosie, you are annoying and the only reason you didn't end up higher on this list is because you give such good fodder to The Soup. I hope you get stuck hanging upside down causing you to pass out, leading to your dog coming up and peeing on your face.
2. Fergie
Speeking of pee on the face, Fergie is next on the list. I can usually handle an annoying pop jingle or two, especially if you're hot (that means you Beyonce - but don't keep pushing me), but for some reason, Fergie, you push me over the edge. It is prolly because this is you:
That meth really wore on you, huh? I swear to God if you make one more damn song where all you do is talk about yourself and spell, I am going to find Josh Duhamel and hypnotize him into telling you go to Derkaderkastan. If he does that without me hypnotizing him then he will move up into the BCS Man Crush List (just so you know, Josh). In other news, here is a really old video of Fergie.
1. Sandra Oh
Oh, how I hate you Sandra Oh. We have a long relationship, you and I. I hate you now (you and your character on Grey's Anatomy) and I hated you then (on Arli$$).
I wish words could express how much I despise you. Everytime I watch Grey's Anatomy, I hope something weird happens to you like you get punched in the face, making you stumble backwards onto a food cart that is being roled into a patient's room that happens to feature Rosie O'Donnell (who is making a guest appearance as a patient) at which point you are immediately devoured by her, food cart and all. Cuz, Lord knows Rosie devours food like a bear. That would be awesome.
Also, did you know Sandra Oh is Canadian? It just keeps getting worse for her. Fortunately, I'm not the only one who has a strong dislike for Sandra Oh.
Here is the only funny clip of Sandra Oh:
I like it because she doesn't talk. And that its not really her.
...and that's the list, now you know who I dislike. Everyone else I'm cool with, except for...
The Just Missed List:
- Sherry Palmer. She was on the first 3 seasons of 24 and was number 1 on my first ever BCS Bottom Five. She's fallen out of contention because she's not on 24 anymore and I don't really hate the actress (mainly because I don't know who the actress is). Damnit, Sherry was a shady. I wish Jack would have vampire killed her. The way she leaves the show was easily one of the most satisfying parts of Season 3.
- Reba McEntire. You may wonder why in the hell she makes the list. It's because my wife is always watching her damn show whenever I come home from work. Something about this show annoys me so damn much, I want to break my brand new tv (but then I realize that's crazy). There's just something about it....damn you, Reba!
- Trang Ho. You don't know who this is and it is impossible to Google for her in any respectible manner, but take my word, she is annoying. This is an actual Vietnamese or Brazillian...I don't know person from my MBA classes at Nebraska. I know I just violated a rule (#2), but honestly everytime this person talks I want to punch her right in the Trang Ho. Just think of the most annoying person you know, double it and then you have the Trang Ho. That said, she doesn't make the list for two reasons: 1) She violates rule #2 and 2) I had a very small interaction window with her (although that should let you know how potent she is).
Speaking of Trang Ho, here is a nice video from somewhere in Asia. You may have seen this floating around the Internets this week, so I am sorry I didn't get it to all of you last week (I was busy). It is SFW, but the product being advertised is Bukkake Milk, so take that as it is.
Also, on a semi-related note, check out Adam's comment the other day listing his BCS Man-Crush list. As an update, he drafted Teahen in the 16th round (only one off of my prediction).
So Dancing with the Stars started again this week (and I meant to post this Monday but I've been busy...damnit!). I think DWTS follows the same rules as American Idol, except for one thing - The professional dancing chicas are smoking hot. Smoking. That chick that was paired with Emmitt Smith was unbelieveable. And they wear very little - pretty much nothing. I'm not sure how they get away with it on ABC. I guess they cancel it out by having the host be a chick with a man's voice, Samantha Harris.
Anyway, if you have to bite the bullet and choose between the two - pick this one. Yes, I know, Tom Bergeron sucks and judges are ludicrous but there's a very good reason you should watch Dancing with the Stars this season, Shandi Finnessey.
Who in the hell is Shandi Finnessey? Well, she was Miss USA 2004, is the co-host of one of my favorite game shows, Lingo, and is the host of a show on GSN that runs from 11pm - 1am CST (shown in the clip above) on weekends. On a side note, that show (they've changed the name so much) mesmorizes me - I think partially due to Shandi, but mainly due to the crappy sound effects and numbing techno music. It just lulls me into a trance....
Back to Lingo, here's a clip that showcases Shandi and the real host, Chuck Woolery (who I've written about in the past).
There are several funny things about that clip but the best two things may be: 1) Chuck in a pancho and 2) Chuck telling Shandi that she should go into "dancing." Now we all know Mr. Woolery has tagged a few "dancers" along the way, but telling you no one can get away with more shadybiz (and bad haircuts) than the Chuckster.
I am easily one of Woolery's biggest fans. And I have been petitioning for Woolery to take over the PIR (Price is Right) for a while now. Don't get me wrong, I love Bob Barker, but the man is on his way out. Well, apparently, I don't have enough (or any) pull with CBS and they refuse to listen to my requests (that said, I haven't really tried to do anything other than write about it here on the Skeet Thrower).
It appears as if the stars are aligning for Woolery to take the PIR over. You see, we knew that Bob Barker was on his way out, but now we have an approximate date - it looks like he's out in June. Now, I don't know when Dancing with the Stars is ending, but I would assume that it is in late May or early June.
How do these two correlate? Well, if Shandi makes it big on Dancing with the Stars then she'll leave Lingo to become a big star. Chuck would then be left without a co-host which wouldn't work (plus the last co-host sucked) and so he would begin looking for new opportunities. And, lo and behold, what would he find? The PIR. Maybe he could just take Shandi with him - she apparently want to be in a Tag-Team with him.
This is our chance to push the Woolery for PIR campaign into the next level. Honestly, only Woolery could handle a situation like this anymore. We need to make sure Shandi wins Dancing with the Stars. So, vote for her, I guess. I don't really know how it works but I'm pretty sure we can control Dancing with the Stars just like other people control American Idol.
Plus, who doesn't want this guy to be your favorite gameshow host:
Apparently those bastards over at NBC forgot to read my letter to television a couple weeks ago because they are yanking me around with The Office. First its on, then its off, then its on for 2 weeks, then its off for like 6 in the middle of the spring. What's worse is that I knew it wasn't new this week. I knew it. But my box (and by that I mean my DVR) told me it was a new episode. Of course, all they did was put two episodes back to back, interspersed some deleted scenes (which I had alread seen on NBC.com) and told my box it was new.
What in the hell is that? Bush league, NBC, real bush. If I ever meet the president of NBC I'm going to punch him. Right in the mouth.
Anyway, since The Office isn't going to be new until sometime in April, here's a sweet video to hold you over in the meantime. It's actually an NBC compilation of clips, but I know you'll enjoy it...
It's a casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower, and I have decided that on Friday's during March, I'm going to take the time to answer a few of the more popular questions from my hundreds of readers (OK, let's be honest, some days its just tens of readers..but I digress). If you've been paying attention, you've noticed that I did this two weeks ago when I told you who was on my BCS Celebrity Man-Crush list (I left it to celebrities because it could get really awkward if I revealed my non-celebrity man-crushes) and last week I answered ?Porque Es Amor?
This week I'll answer a very complex question: "Who or what do you hate the most?". Now, typically, I try to avoid direct negativity. I tend to just enjoy light-hearted mockery (like naming all of my NCAA tournament brackets "Dickenmann's boys" - who, on a side note, sadly and predictably lost - but can you tell me why there's a website that keeps track of Howie Dickenman quotes?), but sometimes you have to just spit some good 'ol hatin'.
To be accurate, I'm going to split this question into two parts, what is my biggest pet peeve and who do I hate the most. The latter part of the question will fall under my BCS Top 5 Most Hated List (which will be officially unveiled next week!), so I'll save that for another post.
Today, I'm going to tell you about my biggest pet peeve. I'm a pretty level-headed guy, but there are very few things that push me over the edge. I hate brown-nosers. Someday, when I'm rich, I'm just going to fire people that annoy me like this. I also hate it when people sniffle a lot during meetings (or just anywhere) and refuse to blow their nose. And I hate it when people are bragadocious homers for their team (sports or otherwise) when they A) know nothing about what they are bragging about and B) only brag when they win.
But those are all petty little things. Like I said, I'm level-headed - those things don't even really bother me.
I am a huge fan of technology. Hu-Uge. I love iPods, DVRs, cell phones, Wiis and the Internets. But I hate bluetooth headsets. Look, I get the conveinence factor (and maybe everyone should be forced to get them for their car). I even get the whole, it frees up my hands for phone sex thing. But honestly, I hate it when people just walk around with on non-stop. Don't you realize you look like an idiot? You may think you're cool and hip walking around with your bluetooth in all the time, but what you don't realize is you have a metal and plastic tumor growing out the side of your head and you look like a fake Robocop. And do you always have to yell? Why are you announcing your conversation? Yes, we know you have a bluetooth headset, but, no, I don't care what you are having for dinner tonight.
Honestly, lets lay down some ground rules for using bluetooth headsets.
Only have the bluetooth in when you are on the phone.
Only use a bluetooth when you need both of your hands for something else.
Don't act like you're cool because you have a bluetooth headset. You're not. And this guy better hope me never meet in the streets.
Don't be a derka.
That should take care of it. This shouldn't even be something I need to write about. Some people are just dumb.
Looking back on that last paragraph, you can see why I don't write about things I hate. I can't even find funny links for this shit.
In other pop culture news, check out this video of the band name "The Cat Empire." I saw this on a Letterman rerun last night. I'm ok on the song, but can you tell me what the dude on the far left is doing? Also, is the person on the piano a chick or dude because I have no clue.
He's playing a freaking tambourine? That's it? Oh, I guess he dances as well. What in the hell is that? He doesn't have a mic at face level so unless his cod piece is singing that's all he's got. I wonder if that has caused a real-life more cowbell situation...only with a tambourine and a beast on synthesizer/keyboard.
Yesterday started the least productive work week in business (ironic because I got more done yesterday than I had in the previous 2 weeks combined) and its all thanks to the NCAA Tournament.
What other sporting event causes the whole business world to just slow down like this? Sure, people talk about a lot of football, but pretty much everything happens on the weekends; NCAA Basketball has the ability to completely demolish two full work days this week alone (God bless March Madness On Demand). Not to mention its mystical power to make people who haven't watched one college basketball game this year become tournament experts...
Anyway, I'll refrain from giving you a thorough run-down of the tourney as I have in the past, instead today I'll give you a clusterf--k of information that may help you when making your tourney decisions.
First: Kansas always chokes. I always pick them to go a long way in my bracket and they always, always jack everything up. On the plus side, it can lead to interviews like this. But if you want a real reason why you can't pick Kansas this year its because of this highlight:
Its clear by watching this highlight that something (karma, God, Satan) has it in for Kansas. That dude just fell out of the air. On a side note, that highlight makes me laugh everytime. I'm gonna dunk it...oh derka!
Next, you're gonna hear a lot of people cabalgar las nueces de Joakim Noah. A little tidbit for you: he's not that good. He's also kind of a baby.
Want further proof? Here's a clip of him dancing.
Here's the last NBA player that danced that poorly:
Do you know who that is? Probably not unless you follow the Association. NBA players just don't dance that poorly. That should be enough proof that he's not that good - he is just ok. On a side note Al McGuire's dance at the end of that clip is awesome.
Moving on, you may have heard about Greg Oden and Kevin Durrant. Turns out they're pretty good. And Oden has been playing without his right hand all year (he broke his wrist earlier in the year), but in the Big 10 tourney he started using his right hand again and he dominated. Just saying. If these two ended up on the same team, you could put me, my dog and my grandpa that just had heart surgery out there and we would win.
Speaking of Greg Oden, the number one tidbit you should consider:
Central Connecticut State's head coach is named Howie Dickenman. I'm not kidding. The best part may have been that once I figured that fact out I did a careful Google search for him and saw this as the teaser for his bio:
"Entering his 11th season as the head coach at his alma mater, Howie Dickenman is the second-longest..."
Honestly, who doesn't change that last name. Its Dick-In-Man! Holy nuts! I hope he has a cousin named "Terry Boxenmouth." What are Dickenman family reunions like? Does he know Kyle Sackrider?
You may be asking what Dickenman has to do with Greg Oden...well, tough break for Dickenman and his boys because they are stuck playing Ohio State in the first round. Pretty much a loss (I have it that way in my bracket). But if there has to be one bracket buster, I hope its this one so I can hear the phrase/word Dick-In-Man as many times as possible on TV during this week. I'm already not getting anything done - might as well make it comical.
In fact, anytime I hear someone riding Joakim Noah's cod piece over the next few weeks I'm going to call it Dickenmaning him. I'm taking that phrase global.
