Thursday, February 08, 2007

My Letter To Television...

Dear TV,

I love you. You and me, we've been through some good times together. When I am mad at my wife, who is there to comfort me? You are. When I want to relax after a long day at work, who's there? You. Who celebrates harder than you and me after one of my teams wins a championship? And what gets me through Mondays better than knowing I have an episode of 24 or a Monday Night Football game awaiting me that evening?

But you know what pisses me off TV? Other than annoying commercials ("This is oooooour country..."), its when the shows I want to watch are not on TV. You know that 24 is my BCS #1 show. You know why? Well, other than my man-crush on Jack's Bauer, its because its simple. 24 starts when MNF is over and it runs straight through, never skipping a week, until it is done. In fact, next week I'm getting 2 hours! I love that. You know what show doesn't do that? Pretty much every other show on TV, including a show that could be one of my favorites (but pisses me off because of how often they show reruns), Lost. Did you know Lost was still on TV? I thought ABC had cancelled it because it just stopped being on. Then they replaced it with Black Groundhogs Day (by the way, did you know that February 2nd was Groundhogs Day?) and I thought we had lost Lost! Anyway, it looks like Lost starts again tonight and it seems like its going to pull a 24 and run straight through until the end (or so your damn commercials say).

How do you start a season and then just peace out for 10 weeks? What in the hell is that? This is not HBO, TV. You can't just make up the seasons how you feel like it. Follow a damn pattern.

It's gotten to the point that I have refused to watch you. Shows like Heroes have been pushed to the side because of all of the breaks in programming. Instead, I'm just going to watch Heroes when it comes out on DVD. Then you'll be on my time, TV. And I'll make you my bitch.

Next year, could you please convince all of my favorite shows to pull a 24? Tell them they'll dominate their timeslot for like 18-24 straight weeks and then they can peace out. That would make me, like, infinity times happier.

Much Love & Skeet Throwing,

The Skeet Thrower

P.S. I know you have your own theroies of what is going on in Lost. I thought it was purgatory, but apparently the "writers" say its not. They're prolly just pissed I figured it out so quick. Anyway, here's a video of the last episode of Lost. Its just a clip, but if you're dying to know what is going to happen like I was, you might want to watch this. The keeps pulling this video, so watch it while you can.

Ok, I know, it doesn't really give anything away. That's what you get for the whole split season thing, TV. But in like 3 years when they end Lost, you'll have this strange feeling of Deja Vu because you've already seen that one scene already. And you'll be like "Where the hell did I see that? I could recite it with them..." and then you'll be like - Skeet Skeet Skeet Skeet...

In other news, do you wonder what happens to you when you get killed on Lost? This:

Dead on Lost

How bad does Michelle Rodriguez look? So bad that the lady to the left is leaning away and looks pissed and the lady to the right is shielding herself from the picture. Also, the dude right behind her looks coked out. Maybe they're all just wondering why in the hell she is wearing this bulky ankle braclet. Oh, that's right, she's been busted several times. Anyway, apparently you don't want to get killed on Lost. Or you just don't want to be SWAT, Resident Evil and The Fast and the Furious.