Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Don't Leave the PIR with Rosie

Apparently the Vegas hangover is a little stronger than the MLTP one. I didn't even have anything funny to say for the last couple of days. I'm not sure why - my brain was just on stand still. Anyway, I'm back now...let the skeet throwing commence.

I'm sure you all heard, but my boy Bob Barker finally retired from the PIR. In fact, I'm pretty sure the last episode has already aired. In any case, CBS has known this was coming for a while and you'd think they would have already picked a replacement, but TV execs are idiots and haven't picked someone yet. Anyway, out of nowhere I hear that Rosie O'Donnell has been selected (or at least was in the running) to replace BB. Are you f-ing serious? Do you know what that fat-ass Rosie does? She takes things and destroys them - here are some examples: 1) Her talk show, 2) Lesbian fantasies, 3) Elizabeth Hasselbeck, 4) Buffets, 5) My soul...I could go on and on. Thankfully, I saw this quote:

"Here's the thing...I'm in a weird position. I don't need the money. I
know you're not allowed to talk about money in America, but I'm just saying I don't...If they were able to do it in New York it would be a different story. But it looks like it ain't gonna happen."

Tell you what, Rosie, we'll move the PIR and while we're at it we'll go ahead and throw in the Golden Gate Bridge (that's right, its a different Danny Tanner), Sacramento and Snoop Dogg. The PIR is in Cali and it should stay there. Second, how can you say you're not allowed to talk about money in America? The Price is Right is all about money, in fact, the word price is in the f-ing name! Man, I hate Rosie. Her consideration for the PIR has almost moved her past Fergie on the BCS Bottom Five.

Well, yesterday while I was thanking God that Rosie was out, I hear that Drew Carey might be the replacement. Drew Carey? Did anyone watch the Drew Carey Show? The main joke of the show was the uneasy relationship between a crazy beast female coworker, and that wasn't even funny. What else has he done other than sit in a chair and watch other people be funny on "Who's Line Is It Anyway?"

Why are we stuck trying to get a bush-league comedian to host the PIR? I've been campaigning for Woolery for almost a year now, but thanks to Shandi douching it up on DWTS, I guess that's not gonna happen. I guess we just need to get the CBS execs into a room and give them the Pearl treatment until they hire Woolery. No one would suspect a thing.

If nothing else, could we at least get James Earl Jones? If I got to pick someone to narrate my life, he would easily be in the top 3 with Barry White and Sean Connery followed closely by that guy who does the voice work for NFL Films (I guess his name is Harry Kalas). Listen to how James Earl Jones belts out those numbers:

Get this right, CBS. If nothing else, just pick someone that will make it rain on the contestants.


D Wheezy said...

I think I'd probably throw Morgan Freeman on the list of life narrators.

D Wheezy said...

Here's the link to back up my previous statement.

Double M said...

I think Morgan prolly finished that skit, went backstage lit up a cigarette with those matches and railed that chick.

Meanwhile, easy reader spelled this.

D Wheezy said...

Ya. Lit up a "cigarette". (One racially offensive word in there.)

Will said...

I heard the guy who played Jay Peterman from Seinfeld is a front-runner. I think he'd be an excellent choice. Also, Dan Patrick was supposedly in the running, but I'm not sure I can picture him in that role.