I'm About To Make It Rainn!

As you all know, I'm not a big fan of SNL anymore. It's just not funny. And with NBC posting all of their best clips on the YouTube.com, it makes it pretty easy to catch the good skits.

This week; however, was hosted by Rainn Wilson (aka, Dwight T. Schrute) and I wanted to watch it. But I forgot about it because of my new big screen TV (tired of hearing about that yet?). Fortunately, hardly anybody watched it and NBC put some of the best clips back on the Internets.

So I started by watching the monologue. It was pretty damn funny.



The irony of that skit is that SNL needed to use material from another funny show to be funny themselves. On a side note, how bad is Kenan at impressions life. I can do a better impression of Stanley and I'm only half-black. Honestly, I think they only reason they put him in Fat Albert is because they didn't have to pay for a fat suit. That, and his love for puddin' pops.

But I digress, in the clips I have seen, Dwight was pretty funny. So, in an effot to help you catch up, I'm going to make it Rainn on you with all kinds of clips from Dwight. As is usual with SNL, I'll let you decide what was funny and what was [censored].

The first clip is called White Possum Scream, a short based on Samuel L. Jackson's new movie Black Snake Moan. As a side note, I first saw the trailer to that movie on the opening night of Snakes on a Plane. Everyone in the theater cheered when SLJ showed up on screen and the cheering continued pretty much throughout the entire trailer, so all I knew about the movie was that it featured a half-naked, chained up Christina Ricci and an SLJ that looked like hell. Then the title was Black Snake Moan. Seemed like a porn to me. Now I find out that its going to have a plot as well. Speaking of porn, if you ever wanted to see Dwight in a diaper (you know, if you're down for stuff like that), you'll get that chance with this clip.



The next clip is a SNL Digital Short. They've had some success in the past, so I had high hopes for this one. It is entitled Business Marketing. I think the Tiger is the funniest part.



I have to say that I was disappointed with that last one. I'm not sure if it is still the Kenan hangover from White Possum Scream or from watching so many god damn Good Burger clips trying to find one that was funny and showed Kenan. I thought they could have done better. It was ok, though.

Anyway, I didn't want to leave you with a sour note, so here are a couple more clips featuring Dwight. The first is Dwight and Jim on The Ellen Show, which has a surprising number of clips on the YouTube.com. It's a pretty funny listening to them, features a clip of The Office where Michael says he knows a bunch of 14-year-old girls and also features a dance-off between Dwight and Jim where they are doing the same things that Shaq-daddy was doing at the all-star game practice (apparently that's pretty popular). Good times.



If you didn't get your fill (or want to waste more time before you go back to doing whatever it is you do), you can check out this clip of just Dwight on Ellen (not literally, of course, because Ellen likes the box). The funny part of this clip is that Dwight owns a picuture of monkeys holding things that look like dildos.



Hope you enjoyed wasting your time today. I usually let you find the content in the links on your own, but you prolly, and by prolly I mean really, should go watch the video links at Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci. Just saying.

And, no, I don't watch Ellen - ever - but YouTube.com has a ton of clips...

Illegitamite Family Members Are The Bestest!

I don't remember when exactly we would do this, but occasionally growing up, my brother Natron and I would tell people that he is my illegitimate brother. It seemed pretty funny at the time...but I keep trying to think of a scenario when this would have actually been funny.

Anyway, he's not really illegitimate (in fact, he looks more like my dad than I do) and he's been a really great brother (although according to the Facebook.com, I met him randomly). Why all of the mushy brother talk? Because today is his birfday. So happy #22, Natron - hope you don't get as drunk this year. To be fair, some of those weren't from your 21st. I'm not even sure you were drunk in any all of those.

Speaking of brothers, you may or may not have seen these videos of Chad Vader, Darth Vader's brother, on the YouTube.com. There are 6 episodes out there and the 7th is apparently on the way. I really enjoy episodes 5 and 6 but you have to watch the first 4 to truly enjoy those. I've posted Episode I here, but I've given you YouTube.com links to the rest.

Episode I


Episode II

Episode III

Episode IV

Episode V

Episode VI

I checked all of those videos and they appear to be there, but I don't trust YouTube.com like I used to... You can search for them and find them though.

Anyway, enjoy Natron's birthday with about 30 minutes of video to waste your Monday. Have a good one, Natron, sorry I can't be there again this year.

Don't forget about Bauer tonight...

The Week In Recap: Big Screen TV

So, I promised you changes here at the Skeet Thrower and now I'm delivering. Starting today, I'm going to try to give you a quick recap of my week on Sunday nights, including follow-ups on my posts from the previous week (for instance, if videos have been deleted) and a brief summary of what went on if necessary.

One key thing to note is that, once I get everything squared away, this will be the only post imported into the Facebook.com. It will containt links to everything, so you can follow the Skeet Thrower that way, but then I don't clog up your damn news feed. To be honest, I hardly ever check the Facebook.com anymore, but I get a lot of hits from there, so I don't want to piss you people off.

As far as the weekend - just to let you know, the big screen TV I mentioned came in on Friday, so I've been pretty much dead to the world and have nothing real to report. I've just been watching TV and playing video games. Good times.

I should mention that my brother-in-law and mother-in-law were also in town so I ate a bunch of food and now I'm fatter.

Anyway, here's the recap:

- The NBA was in Vegas and there were all kinds of videos
***Update: Here are some links to the missing videos:
Barkley Beats an Old Man
Shaq Dancing


- I love the Turtles even if they have some new crappy songs (thanks for the links Wheezy).

- Make It Rain, Let It Drop...

- Nothing like skeet throwing at part of my own heritage

Note: YouTube.com keeps scheduling damn downtime during the time that I usually write my blogs. This is seriously inhibiting my ability to provide you with updated videos and links. Anyway, when I find the videos that are missing, I'll update this post.

So, you know I'll reward you for reading this far - even if you read all week. This week's bonus video is one with gratuitous dancing from a hot chick. It is Catalina from My Name Is Earl. She's pretty hot. This is mildly-pretty NSFW (PG-13ish - no nudity). It's basically like watching a tame version of any Shakira music video.

Germans Are Weird

Casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower (although, ironically, I'm more dressed up all day than I have been all week).

I've always known Germans are a little weird. First, their langauge is like they are yelling the whole time. Then there is the whole World War(s) instigator thing. Essentially, those are things that the average German can't control, so while I may think it is a little off, I won't hold it against them.

What I can hold against them? They made this guy think he was a big shot.



Yes, that is David Hasselhoff, and, yes, he did KnightRider and the glorious show that was BayWatch before becoming a German idol, but, honestly, they really let him get away with this crap:



What is that? That is high comedy my friends. Or torture. You decide.

Who thinks this is good music? It is atrocious. This, my friends, is a great example of why Germans are weird.

Want further proof, check out Sharon Stone. Yes, lo esta chica del Basic Instinct (my Spanish is a little rusty). This clip, however, is not from that movie.



That's nuts-o. Only Germans would get excited by that kind of stuff at an auction.

At least they're not as crazy as Britney...



...or Judge Judy (at least she's taking out a ebay scammer here)

I Love Vegas...

I love Las Vegas. It is like Disney World for adults. Honestly, what is cooler than a 24-hour bar scene. You can get a dirt cheap beer or rita, throw 20 on black and then throw that 20 at a stripper all within 20 minutes.

I'm gonna be straight with you though - when I'm in Vegas, I avoid the strip clubs (really that's a life goal of mine). Why waste my money on some dirty box when I can blow it getting all juiced up on free Red Bull & Vodkas while playing black jack?

You know who doesn't avoid the strip clubs? Athletes. Not all of them go, but a lot of them do. There have been some pretty good strip club stories come out about athletes like Dikembe Mutombo's famous "Who Wants To Sex Mutombo?" speech at the Hot-lanta Gold Club and the Stephen Jackson "When I'm on the court I go fisticuffs, when I'm off the court I go glock" battle at the strip club earlier this year.

But one story may be topping these this year. I heard this earlier this week, but I wanted to wait for all the details to come out before I jump to a conclusion (cuz I never do that) - Pacman Jones got in a battle at a strip club.



Reports are fuzzy but apparently it all started when Pacman "made it rain" on the stage. Now my first thought was that the Pacman actually did a little skeet throwing up on the stage - and I wouldn't put it past him after his prior transgressions - but I called some strippers and found out that "make it rain" is a term used in strip clubs. It is when someone throws a stack of straight cash homey up in the air at the strippers. Also, just in case you were confused, this is in no way related to Hilary Duff's song Come Clean (Let The Rain Fall).

If you're still confused, I'll let these kids from Kidz Bop explain it to you. What's Kidz Bop? More on that in a second.



Anyway, somehow Nelly gets involved (who knew he was still alive) leading to Pacman's and Nelly's crews battling it out. I'm not sure when this happened, but at some point during the raining, Pacman ended up smashing a strippers head into the ground causing the bouncers to get pissed. Another scuffle ensued and at some point during that scuffle Pacman bit some bouncer's ankle (what!?!), threatened him and told his posse to "smoke his ass" which is not a Jon Ammechi reference. Now the bouncer is paralyzed. Bad times.

Of course, Pacman denies his involvement in all of this. He also fired his agent for the bad publicity (I'm sure his agent is disappointed).

Nelly should be careful, lest he ruin his image and prevent one of his songs from being on a Kidz Bop album again. What's Kidz Bop? Apparently they just have kids sing pop songs like "Crazy" or "Sk8r Boi". There's some gems, but the best may be on Kidz Bop 6 they sang Toxic. Toxic! Holy nuts. Might as well just send them to the strip club with Pacman.

Master of the Turtles and a Ninja Rap

My college roommates and I all fill specific roles with one another. We don't have the funny one or the serious one, because, basically, we all just make fun of each other a lot.

Generally, you are not assigned a role, but over the course of time if you become an expert at something you will be known as the "[Fill In The Topic]" expert. As the expert, you are expected to know everything about this topic and can be called upon at any time for information concerning this topic.

For instance, one of my friends in med. school, so we generally call him with all medical questions. I am considered "The Association" expert and "The Hip-Hop/Urban Culture" expert among other things. This means that at any time (generally a moderately drunken bar conversation) I could be called to answer a question about hip-hop lyrics or what were the names of all the white guys were on the 1998 Bulls championship team.

Anyway, a while back I received a call from my friends asking me what was the last name of the human dude that had the bat and hockey stick combo on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I quickly answered Casey Jones.





They then followed with a question asking me what were the lyrics of the song sung by Vanilla Ice one of the Turtles movie? Again, I quickly answered "Go ninja, Go ninja, Go!"

Pleased with my answers, our conversation ended. I was later informed that I was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles expert. I'm not sure how I received this glorious title, but I will accept it and enjoy it.

Wait, you didn't know Vanilla Ice did a song for the Turtles movie? Well you are in luck my friend. The YouTube.com has provided me with some video evidence. Enjoy.



Speaking of bad (or good depending on your tastes) 1990's rap, check out this video of the intro to "Hammerman." You can prolly guess who it features. Despite my love for Saturday morning TV shows, this is one cartoon I can tell you nothing about. Except that it sucked.

The Association Invades Vegas, Baby!

So, I'm back from my one (1) week exodus to the frigid tundra that is Nebraska. Do you know that it doesn't get above single digits at places in this world? I think on a couple of days the wind chill didn't get above zero. Holy. Nuts. It is fortunate that I had all of my hair to keep me warm.

Before we move on, I want to send a special thank you out to my boy AP (also my brother-in-law) for letting me borrow a coat all week, since mine remains stolen.

Anyway, I finally got back into the warmth that is Austin last night and I started to catch back up on life. And by catch back up, I mean read emails, watch tv and peruse the Internets. The problem is that my favorite sport's all-star game was on last night, so my tv watching was going to be delayed.

The all-star game itself was ok, but on the previous night one of my favorites, Charles Barkley, raced a sxty-eight (68) year old man for charity. Two of my rules here are that anytime barkley does something funny I need to post it and anytime a fat man is going to race an old man I need to post it. And since this hits two rules, I couldn't resist.



Fortunately, Barkley and Bavetta decided to show their love for each other, unlike Tim Hardaway who just went of on gay people.

Speaking of love and hate, we just passed Valentine's Day last week. Normally, I hate that holiday, but this year my wife bought me a big screen tv and a stereo system. F-ing bad ass. It is now one of my favorite holidays. On the flip side, there is a video floating around the Internets where some dude hires an acapella group to sing in front of like 1000 people to break up with her. It's kinda funny (but really long) - the really funny stuff starts at about 4 minutes when they start talking. At some point the chick calls the dude gay. She should probably hook up with Tim Hardaway. Speaking of Hardaway (again), there is a whole bunch of videos of him butt-naked in the locker room doing stuff that appeared on the Internets this week. Since I'm not to big of a fan of posting cod pieces here on the Skeet Thrower, I'm going to jsut tell you they're on the YouTube.com. They are there if you want to see them.


Ok, back to the Association - one of the highlights of last nights game wasn't even in the game at all. It was when Gilbert Arenas went slamball on us, jumped off of a trampoline and dunked a ball. It was pretty sweet, and I'm sure very scary if you are the one signing Arenas' guaranteed checks.



Arenas has displaced Will Smith as #2 on the BCS man-crush list. Just thought you should know. In fact, I've added his blog to my links - the man actually writes it and it can be pretty funny.

You know who else is funny, Shaq. He always makes me laugh. And so when i saw this video of Shaqdancing with LeBron and Dwight Howard, I was very excited to post it (now if only I could find a clip of Kazaam!).



I'm not really sure what they are doing. It is some sort of "dis" break-dancing, but I'm not sure where that differs from the "geeks" on the show Beauty and the Geek doing some sort of recreation of Street Fighter (I can't find the clip...). On a brief "Beauty and the Geek" side-note, that show is awesome (although it could really use a good host) but the way season 3 ends is pretty sweet.

In other news, pretty boy Tom Brady knocked up Bridget Moynahan. Tough breack for him since he just broke up with her. Speaking of Bridget Moynahan, here's a video of her making out with Heather Graham. Not sure if TB filmed this one or not, but impressive none the less. This one is less SFW than pretty much everything else today. It's PG - PG-13, but use your discretion.



Anyway, hope you enjoyed the week off without my posts. Since I'm back, I'll be posting again. There's gonna be a few changes here this week so keep coming back.

24 tonight - don't forget to watch it...Trust Me.

Casual Dress Friday: Standing Strong

It's another casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower, and I have a lot to catch you up on.

First, I'm down to 162, that's like 8 L-Bs down. The pace has slowed, but that's prolly a good thing. Why am I bringing this up (didn't I already clarify that this was kinda gay)? Because I wanted to talk about my last resolution again, you know, the Tara Reid one. Apparently, Tara Reid fell down and made an idiot of herself.



Ok, so everyone trips, big deal. The funny part is she gets up and yells at her friends for tripping her. Unfortunately for her, people in the area reported "They were at least 5 feet away from her but she yelled 'You guys [explitive censored, but the action in this picture (sfw) should help you fill in] tripped me.' Everyone was speechless." What an idiot. Good work.

So, yeah, that's not that bad - but ever since I fully announced my Tara Reid resolution, I've been receiving emails with pictures like this one (PG-13ish) from some of my douchebag friends. I just wanted to let you A-holes know that I'm standing strong.

Speaking of chicks that I used to think were hot, I bring you this clip of Tyra Banks. I'm gonna throw this out there - I hate Tyra. She sucks. No wonder Chris Webber got the hell outta dodge. I won't go into all of the reasons I hate her (mainly because that is a several page paper, but let me tell you, she's making a run at my BCS most hated list - and yes, I'll fill you in on the list soon). One of the latest things she's done is getting pissed about being called fat. You probably haven't heard, but basically, she bought a bad one-piece suit, then got called out for it in the tabloids and then, instead of just letting it ride, she goes on a PR tirade about how she's "every woman" and a little fat is ok. I think she made this whole thing up as publicity for her show(s). I'm beginning to hate her more as I type this.

Anyway, this whole thing culminated in this rant which has made me laugh over and over and over again.



Hmmmm, that reminds me of another rant from a formerly hot black woman:



I have many rules here on the Skeet Thrower, and one of them is: Anytime I have an excuse to post that clip, I must post it.

I'll be gone all of next week - so I'm not sure when I'll post. Have a good weekend everybody.

My Letter To Television...

Dear TV,

I love you. You and me, we've been through some good times together. When I am mad at my wife, who is there to comfort me? You are. When I want to relax after a long day at work, who's there? You. Who celebrates harder than you and me after one of my teams wins a championship? And what gets me through Mondays better than knowing I have an episode of 24 or a Monday Night Football game awaiting me that evening?

But you know what pisses me off TV? Other than annoying commercials ("This is oooooour country..."), its when the shows I want to watch are not on TV. You know that 24 is my BCS #1 show. You know why? Well, other than my man-crush on Jack's Bauer, its because its simple. 24 starts when MNF is over and it runs straight through, never skipping a week, until it is done. In fact, next week I'm getting 2 hours! I love that. You know what show doesn't do that? Pretty much every other show on TV, including a show that could be one of my favorites (but pisses me off because of how often they show reruns), Lost. Did you know Lost was still on TV? I thought ABC had cancelled it because it just stopped being on. Then they replaced it with Black Groundhogs Day (by the way, did you know that February 2nd was Groundhogs Day?) and I thought we had lost Lost! Anyway, it looks like Lost starts again tonight and it seems like its going to pull a 24 and run straight through until the end (or so your damn commercials say).

How do you start a season and then just peace out for 10 weeks? What in the hell is that? This is not HBO, TV. You can't just make up the seasons how you feel like it. Follow a damn pattern.

It's gotten to the point that I have refused to watch you. Shows like Heroes have been pushed to the side because of all of the breaks in programming. Instead, I'm just going to watch Heroes when it comes out on DVD. Then you'll be on my time, TV. And I'll make you my bitch.

Next year, could you please convince all of my favorite shows to pull a 24? Tell them they'll dominate their timeslot for like 18-24 straight weeks and then they can peace out. That would make me, like, infinity times happier.

Much Love & Skeet Throwing,

The Skeet Thrower

P.S. I know you have your own theroies of what is going on in Lost. I thought it was purgatory, but apparently the "writers" say its not. They're prolly just pissed I figured it out so quick. Anyway, here's a video of the last episode of Lost. Its just a clip, but if you're dying to know what is going to happen like I was, you might want to watch this. The YouTube.com keeps pulling this video, so watch it while you can.



Ok, I know, it doesn't really give anything away. That's what you get for the whole split season thing, TV. But in like 3 years when they end Lost, you'll have this strange feeling of Deja Vu because you've already seen that one scene already. And you'll be like "Where the hell did I see that? I could recite it with them..." and then you'll be like - Skeet Skeet Skeet Skeet...

In other news, do you wonder what happens to you when you get killed on Lost? This:



How bad does Michelle Rodriguez look? So bad that the lady to the left is leaning away and looks pissed and the lady to the right is shielding herself from the picture. Also, the dude right behind her looks coked out. Maybe they're all just wondering why in the hell she is wearing this bulky ankle braclet. Oh, that's right, she's been busted several times. Anyway, apparently you don't want to get killed on Lost. Or you just don't want to be SWAT, Resident Evil and The Fast and the Furious.

It's The 100th Post Extravaganza!

Well, this is post # 100 since my return. I'm not counting my old posts (I deleted all of them, anyway) so...

Welcome To The 100th Post Extravaganza!

While writing this post, I realized how much time I've wasted watching videos on the Internets (and, subsequently, writing about some of the good ones). So today I've decided to waste a lot of your time by posting a bunch of videos. I've also looked back over my old posts and provided links to some of my favorites so you can enjoy them again.

Anyway, thanks for continually reading my blog (even when I'm not funny), and, hopefully, you'll keep coming back for another 100 (or more) posts.

On to the extravaganza...

I thought I'd start off by taking you through my process for what videos I post. Take you into the mind of the Skeet Thrower, if you will. There are a few things that immediately peak my interest when watching videos on the Internets. A few of them are porn, midgets and fighting. So, when I saw this video about midgets on the Jerry Springer show, understandably I was excited.



Just like my boy Big Boi said: like two midgets in the backseat wrasslin' (that link may not be is not completely sfw). That midget fight is awesome. That said, I have to ask, why the hell do they take off their shirts? Is it so I can see your dominating figure? Does Jerry tell them beforehand, "Listen, IIIIIII'm gonna need you to take off your shirts. It will look more realistic." Also, how funny is it that the one dude has to use the wall to get up - he's like a tryanous rex. And now I'm making fun of handicapped things people can't control. I'm going to hell (but we already knew that, didn't we).

Speaking of things we can't controls, yesterday was the Super Bowl, and I thought it sucked. Not because the Bears lost (making me 0-4 with teams I was rooting for) but because it was just a bad game. Fortunately, it was not the apocalypse. Hope you enjoyed the Colts winning it all. Anyway, a lot of people enjoy watching Super Bowl commercials. I especially enjoyed the Robert Goulet Emerald Nuts commercial. That said, let me show you one of my favorite commercials that you did not see during the Super Bowl.



Was that Colonel Sanders' first job? What made him decide to sell chicken instead? Is this how the Colonel died? And who knew you could rent guns? Isn't that potentially the least safe thing we could have going on? Is there a waiting period or can you just walk in pissed of and rent an assault rifle? What the deuce?

Anyway, in other commercials you didn't see, I bring you a real, old school advertisement for cigs.



The Flinstones? No wonder everyone smoked. If only Barney would have asked for a loosey. What in the hell was wrong with us (and by us I mean cigarette execs)? Was that on during cartoons? They are easily way worse than me. I'm not sure if that is funny or just a "what in the hell" video.

Back to things I think are funny - I bring you a video entitled "Things You Can't Do When You're Not in the Pool."


I think it would have been pretty funny for that dude to have the mythical "purple ink" follow him around after he peed himself. That damn purple ink thing was always the cruelest of the pool jokes.

Its not all funny here at the Skeet Thrower. No, sometimes I give you cool videos as well. Like this fight video, Tony vs. Paul. It is kinda long, but still pretty cool. Impressive dedication from a couple of nobody's. Still not as cool as Wheezy's wooden sword fight video (no, that video is not on his website or on the Internets. It is lost, much like the Holy Grail, as I have not seen it in like 8 years. If he ever finds it, it will be YouTube.com gold...). Anyway, here's the video:



So, now that you've made it through my videos and you're all like, "Yeah, but Skeet Thrower, that wasn't as good as that one time you posted [something random]. I liked that better." Fortunately, I was prepared for assholes people that liked my old posts like you. So, I've compiled links to some of my favorite posts here. Rather than listing the titles, I'm going to confuse you with a very brief summary of the post.

• - Power Rangers


• - Zlad


• - Gay Weather


• - Dick in a Box


• - Photoshopped Razorbacks


• - The Nine - BOX


• - Classic Music Video


• - Dwight Schrute PSA


• - WNBA Dunks

If you're like, "Skeet Thrower, I've seen all of those already - don't you have something new?", the answer is, yes. Here are a few more to waste your time:

• - A brilliant video featuring a young Arnold in Brazil. There are definitely some NSFW parts to this video, so save this one for home: Arnold in Rio


• - Wheezy's Blog (I push this almost as much as I push 24)


• - B-List Celebrities Random People Tazed


• - Bad Ass Flash Game - Line Rider


• - Another hilarious midget fight here...wait those might just be little kids. That one might as well be Carmello.
  
• - Derka Derka Derka


• - Aqua Teen Bomb Threat


• - Kitty Washing Machine


• - Bride Wig Out

I love those last two videos, but they're all over the Internets, no need to post them again.

So, now I've officially wasted a lot of your time. If you get don't get anything done today, don't blame me. I hope you enjoyed the extravaganza and the 99 previous posts. Keep on reading because there's more good stuff to come (if nothing else, I've got some loose ends to tie up). As always, I love comments and emails (especially the barage of "you're not funny" ones, those don't hurt at all). Have a good one. Skeet Skeet Skeet Skeet.

Post #99: Bears Fans Are Nuts - Its Super Bowl Mania!

Bears Fans Are Nuts-o!

That is all. Have a good casual dress Friday.

...
...
...

Ok, fine. I'll give you some evidence.

Item 1:

One chick induced labor so her husband could go to the conference championship. Nuts-O. She risked the health of her and her baby so her husband could watch the Bears beat up a hurricane ravaged team. Nuts-O.

Item 2:

Ok, sorry - the hurricane reference above a little to soon for you? How about this actual sign from the football game? Nuts-o. And a little distasteful.



Yes, I know this only represents one idiot, but still, my goodness. I'll give the man (or woman) credit for his ingenuity, but I'll knock him for crossing the line a little too far. That said, it's not like the Bears don't have their tradgedy to rally around. Nuts-O.

Item 3:

That one chick tried to sell herself as a "date" to go to the game, where "date" didn't mean "sexual assistant." How pissed would you be if you bought Super Bowl tickets and a moderately to pretty hot date and then didn't get to lay some pipe. Bush. That's bush league.

Turns out, someone gave her tickets and now she is auctioning off a spot with her friends. Nuts-O.

Item 4:

Tank Johnson. Enough said. No, wait, it's not. First, Tank Johnson has a bazillion guns in his home. So the cops bust him for that and some drugs. Then after he gets in trouble for that, the Bears organization says "stay home, don't get in trouble." Instead, he goes out to a nightclub and his boyfriend? bodyguard gets capped. Then a Chicago judge clears him to go to Miami for the Super Bowl. Miami? Are you serious? Do you know anything about Miami? It's a beautiful city, but also one where you can get drugs and hookers all over the place. Good times. So, I'm not sure whether this goes to Tank, the judge that approved him to go to Miami or the Bears fans that support him 100% (I'm sure he's not really a bad guy, but come on!) - Nuts-O.

Item 5:

Bears fans still support Sexy Rexy as their QB. Nuts-O. On a side note, my Rexy Back post has been receiving a ludicrous number of hits from the Illinois area (keep it coming). I'm not saying that Brian Griese or, God forbid, Kyle Orton are better options, but Rex Grossman? The man put up some of the worst QB ratings all-time this season. Nuts-O.

Anyway, so now that I've sufficiently pissed off the 3rd largest city in America (a city I love by the way), you may be asking yourself, "Who is the Skeet Thrower rooting for in the Super Bowl?". My answer - The Bears, of course. Why am I rooting for the Bears? Two reasons:

1) The Red Sox already won a World Series (the 5th or 6th sign of the Apocalypse, I believe) and this year my Cardinals won one (which means that all of the teams I root for in the major sports have now won a title since I've been alive and can remember), so now I can die in peace. Combine those two facts with Peyton potentially winning a championship, it may be the 7th sign of the Apocalypse and we could all die. Honestly, a black hole could just open up right on the 50-yard line in Miami. And I like seeing Peyton lose.

and, more importantly,

2) The Chicago Bears Theme Song (courtesy of this website)!



You may like this ridiculous opera version sung by the dwarf from the "Lord of the Rings," instead.

Also, I love this video clip of now deposed coach, Denny Green:

On a side note, that video is going down in coaching press conference history with Jim Mora and Playoffs! Green says we should crown the Bears, so we should prolly just go ahead and do it.

I can only hope the Bears win because we'll get commercials like this one for Coke and this one for Tire America. They are awful. But who didn't love the Refridgerator?



1 other reason I like the Bears is because of these videos: Bear vs. Colt. That's just one of them, but there's a bunch of them on the YouTube.com.



Ok, that's not high-larious, but still pretty funny - in a - its so crappy its funny way.

Anyway, I'll be rooting for the Bears on Sunday (look, you can even order your Championship DVD online already (its been there since Monday), and I'll be making my prop bets as such. On a side note, I think Billy Joel goes over on the 1m 44s for the national anthem.

In other news, I've been counting posts since my return. Ok, more acurately, blogger has been counting them. In any case, this is post #99, which means that my next post will be a 100th Post Extravaganza. I'm not sure what that means yet, but hopefully you'll enjoy.

Name This Country: ASIA!

Here at the skeet thrower, you know that I make fun of everyone as much as I can. This means that I don't hold back, regardless of race, gender, etc. I am an equal opportunity skeet thrower.

Why the clarification? Because I saw the best Asian stereotype promoted on TV and I wanted to talk about it.

I was watching "The Soup" when I saw a clip of Rinko Kikuchi interviewing on the red carpet.

I have seriously spent several hours scouring the internet, trying to find this clip and have been unable to do so. Fortunately, I found the show on BitTorrent and I donwloaded it (took like 6 freaking days). Unfortunately, cutting an m4v file on my CPU is next to impossible (even with the wonders of JumpCut). Someone on the YouTube.com finally came through with clips (+1 YouTube).



Yeaaaaaaaaah, someone should prolly talk to her about that one. Honestly, you "Love him long time"? And your in movies? Have you paid attention to Asian stereotypes at all? You should be glad you're not Sandra Oh (damnit I hate that chick - number 2 on the BCS most hated list) or this thing would be all over the Internets - just like Isaiah Washington calling that gay hombre on your show a bundle of twigs.

All I can say about that, is that I will love that clip long time.

Anyway, I'm also bringing you an Ice Jumping clip. What does this have to do with Asians? Nothing really, but someone told me that the announcers are speaking Japanese. I, of course, took no time to verify this. Anyway, crashes are always funny. You really need to have the sound on to get the full enjoyment out of this one. Just watch until the they show the wreck replay.



Now, I'm not huge on the winter olympics (I do love curling), but ice jumping wrecks need to play a bigger role in the Olympics. Furthermore, we need to have more announcing like the color guy (I assume) available. The way that guy says "Ay" makes me laugh everytime I listen to that clip. Pair him with Rinko and you've got a full out porn film. I'd watch. The Olympics, I mean, not the porn.

"Me Love Him Long Time! Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay!"

Also, if you didn't know, the title is a reference to a Celebrity Jeopardy skit. Sticking with the Asian theme, here's a good Celebrity Jeopardy clip.