They Call Me Mastadon Cuz I Got The Trunk In The Front

I love television. And I have loved tv for a long time.

Growing up, there were some classics like Transformers, Thundercats, X-men and the old school Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - just to name a few.

All of those shows have disappeared now, and while they may have shown up in one way or another, they have all pretty much run their course as cartoons. But there's one show that still kicking (somehow) - Power Rangers. According to imdb.com there are 37 different versions of this show! 37! Plus there's been a couple movies!

What in the hell is that? This show wasn't even good when it first started - how is it still around. That said, who didn't watch at least a few episodes of Power Rangers. Maybe you kinda had a thing for the Pink Ranger? Even dressed up like them for Halloween?

I digress...why am I talking about the Power Rangers? Because someone has taken the time to dub over a Power Rangers video with all kinds of ridiculous phrases. This video has been retitled the "Gangsta Crizzab." Pay attention to the black ranger as he's easily the funniest.

The video itself is definitely SFW (it's just Power Rangers footage) but the words are definitely not. You're gonna need some headphones for this one. And prolly, shouldn't let the kids listen to it. My favorite part starts at like 2:20.



"Which one of ya'll gonna toss my salad!"

I uploaded the short version of this myself (I think its the funny part because the rest is just repitition, and yes I know its not on YouTube.com - they've let me down too many times. So, I went to JumpCut. Did you know that you can cut and post the video in like three steps? Awesome), but if you want more you can watch the full version here.

Also, if you enjoyed X-Men growing up, you may enjoy this clip - it's from the same group that made the Power Rangers clip. It is again really long, but you can get the jist of it from the first minute or so.

The thing that's so cool about this is that this Internets video caused such a stir that the directors of X-Men 3 actually decided to include it in the movie, obviously starting the chain of events that would lead to Samuel L. Jackson telling me that he's tired of these mother [censored] snakes! I've included the clip from X-Men 3 below in case you don't remember.

Time For...

The Random Jack Bauer Fact of the Week

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Watch 24.

That is all.

Update...this is not the only post I wrote today. I actually posted Monday Means... as well. I just left this seperate to reinforce its importance.

Monday Means...

...its time for a weekend recap:

Nothing happened. Except someone stole my leather jacket from the bar we were at this weekend. Honestly, who just picks a coat off of the back of a chair. The only thing that could make me feel better is a good skeet throwing pic. Fortunately, the Spurs beat the Lakers this weekend and I got a good one.



Tough break for that guy...good break for me. The Spurs victory combined with that pic (and a few looks at the Diddy pic from Friday and the new look Wheezy's blog) made me realize there's not much I can do about it.

In other sports news, I watch women's tennis. I actually enjoy it (as compared to the WNBA - I actually asked my friends to allow me to add the WNBA to the death pool, even though its not a person, so I could have a financial interest in the WNBA's death). Anyway, this chick,



smoked this chick,



for the Austrialian Open. Serena still scares the bejesus out of me. That said, Maria's grunt may be the most ludicrous thing in tennis:



Amelie Mauresmo (the one who looks like a man) said:

As though her screaming on the court isn’t distracting enough but then she has to do it everywhere else, too. She’ll pick up her bag – ‘Eeeee-ahhh’ – then open the zipper – ‘Mmmm-baaaa’ – then put it back down again – ‘Ruh-oooh.’ Completely absurd. And that’s just one example. But the worst part is in the bathroom, no doubt. It’s gotten to the point that if I see her heading for a stall I leave the locker room for a while. I’d listen to my iPod, but I can hear her grunting over top of that even.

This is Mauresmo:



Sounds like a little frustration and a little jealousy - from a man that can't win in the the freaking women's tennis league.

Anyway, hope you had a better weekend than me. In either case, I'm sure you heard all about Michael Vick and the "Weed In A Bottle" issue. If you didn't, you don't follow sports, so click the link. They talked about it on SNL and it was kinda funny. On a side note, I think I'm kinda biased against SNL right now (despite the genious of Dick In A Box, so I'm not sure if its really funny and I'm missing out or if its just kinda funny. Anyway, here it is:

The Office: Pam Vs. Karen

It's a casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower. Since it's Friday, let's get right to business. Just like Diddy.

Well, OK, let's take a second to check out this picure. Well done, Diddy. Not only are you looking at what everyone else is looking at, but you made it cool by getting it caught on camera. Because if you do it, it's cool to do it. Just like Proactiv solution. And that' cool because you use it to preserve your sexy, right?



Damn! Maybe I should get me some of that Proactiv. Get me some of that silky, smooth, cocoa butter skin! Well, it would probably be silky, smooth, white chocolate skin. Same thing. Also, what in the hell is going on in that room? Is that a sweat shop in a hotel/apartment/office building? Who is that short minority man? Is Diddy wasted or is this just an edgy Proactiv commercial? Is this how he spent the $3 million he got for promoting Proactiv? Now I'm confused.

Anyway, let's actually get to business. Something I'm not confused about is how much I love 24 - I talk about that damn show all of the time. It's my BCS #1 for television shows right now. However, one show I don't talk about enough it my BCS #2 show: The Office. The show is genious.

So genious, in fact, that it has split its fan base. There is a battle between fans over who is better Pam Beesly or Karen Filippelli.

The battle is so important that you can buy t-shirts - and let me tell you about t-shirts: Sororities make them for every important event, so if there is a t-shirt, it is important.


I'm on the Karen side. Pam blew her shot. And Karen's dad was prolly a GI. I'm not sure why that should change things, but it does. And she has a ha-uge mouth. That may be a negative, I'm not sure.

Anyway, all the girls I know are on Team Pam, whereas most of the dudes are on Team Karen. Coincidence? Hell no.

So, if you're not watching The Office, you should watch it. That said, rather than showing you a clip from The Office, I thought I'd show you a clip of some Outtakes and Bloopers. Some of them are really funny and it shows how much "improv" goes into the show. It's a long one (8ish minutes) so make sure you have the time.

I Am Shocked. And Hurt...Stuff on the Internets Might Be Fake?

You may have noticed I haven't posted the last couple of days. This can be attributed to two things:

1. I promised myself not make blogging become something I have to do. I'm really, really lazy, so sometimes writing a blog can seem like a lot of work - even if its just posting a video.


2. I participated in an online poll the other day and when it conluded, I got this message:

This poll is not scientific and reflects the opinions of only those Internet users who have chosen to participate. The results cannot be assumed to represent the opinions of Internet users in general nor the public as a whole.

Not only do they have several typos (it Internets, you idiots), this message effectively is telling me that polls on the Internet don't matter. Polls don't matter! Polls...don't matter? You might as well tell me that Justin didn't bring sexy back, James Blunt isn't really Steve Nash (have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time?) and OJ murdered Nicole Brown and the generic dude.

Anyway, the emotional stress I was under forced me not to post for a couple days. I took a couple days to consider whether I should stop blogging or possibly stop using the Internets all together.

Then, I heard Fergie's new song no the radio, Glamorous. And I realized that she really sucks at making music. I think she just spells words and talks about herself in everyone of her damn songs. Last time it was "D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S" and the horribly misspelled "T to the A to S-T-E-Y" (she is really struggling at life at this point). Now she's spelling something else in her new song. Undoubtedly, its wrong. If we can learn anything from Fergie its not spelling, rather, its what meth can do to a once hot body. Honestly, Fergie, you look like hell. And that's Bush. Bush league.

So, as you can tell, I stopped being a little biatch and I wrote about it.

Anyway, as you know, I like to leave you on a positive note here at the Skeet Thrower. So, I'm going to leave you with a funny James Blunt parody "I'm Emotional." Its pretty good. It can get kinda long, but, hey, this guy's life is a trainwreck - there's only so much he can do.



Just to let you know, all of the links are SFW. You should know that the first James Blunt link is there just so you know what James Blunt looks like. The Nash one's were tv spots during last year's playoffs.

Monday + Man Crush = 24

It's Monday, and now that Monday Night Football is no longer on TV, it means that 24 (or, if you're a hoser from Canada, "24-hour countdown") is the dominant program on Monday nights. So, that means today would be a great day to talk about 24.

If you haven't seen this year's 24 (and I'm not sure why you would not have seen it because I have talked about 24 a ton here) and you plan to watch it in the future, you might want to skip down if you want to avoid semi-spoilers...

Begin Spoilers

- Curtis, aka, Black Tony, his recent actions notwithstanding, was the shit.

- Wayne Palmer was bold in season 3 and season 5. This nambly, pambly President Logan bullshit is not like him.

- How come they had to kill one dominant black character this season and make the other one a wuss?

End Spoilers

Anyway, someone emailed me this site last week and I thought I would pass it along to you:

Jack Bauer Kill Count

It details by season and episode how Jack killed people on 24. Even better, it provides photo and video evidence. It is freaking awesome. I linked to season 5, but exercise caution because if you click on season 6, you may see kills from episodes you haven't seen yet. I guess that applies to any of the seasons, but if you love 24 like me, you'll enjoy this.

And yes, I have man crush on Jack Bauer. He's BCS number 1 in the man crush category. Right in front of Will Smith. Bauer is so good, 24 is known as "24 Inmortal" in Mexico. Now I don't speak Spanish, but clearly they think Bauer is an immortal being and have renamed the show as such.

Speaking of Espanol. Here is a video of Ron Burgandy singing his version of "Spanish Lady"



OK, back to 24. I'll leave you with these two (2) clips.

1) I'm not sure what this advertisement is for, but I want it.


2) I guess if you're bored with 24 (what?!) you could use the Jack Bauer Drinking Game:


Throw in "trust me" and the look of death and you'd be wasted about 10 minutes into every hour. It might be more effective than that damn "Take a Shot Everytime Chevy's 'This Is Our Country' Commercial Comes On" drinking game. I hate that commercial.

Finally, every Monday during 24, I'll leave you with a Bauerism. My Monday posts won't usually be about 24, but once in a while is ok. Anyway, here's to you Jack Bauer.

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

In other news, I watched a lot of tennis this weekend. I saw this chick and then I saw her picture.



I think we can now move Serena Williams into the Suge Knight All-Stars who's motto is "If I run into you in the streets, I'm running the other way."

UUUHHHGGG-rrrr! means Tom Brady

It's a casual dress Friday, and its been one (1) week since I formally announced my intentions to drop 10-15 L-B's. I'm happy to report to you that I'm down 2 pounds. At this rate, I will be manorexic by February. Not to mention that I feel really gay monitoring my weight and reporting it to everyone else. Gay times.

Speaking of gay times, let's talk about American Idol. Now before you go get in a tussle, I'm not saying you're gay if you watch American Idol. I just want to calrify a few things.

Inherently, this show is not really a dude's show, but a lot of guys watch it. I wouldn't say its gay to watch it, but let's set down some ground rules:

1. If you're watching it with a significant other/family - you're ok.


2. If you're watching it because you're significant other/family is going to talk about it and you need to know what they're talking about - you're ok.


3. If you're looking forward to it all week - you're probably a little gay.


4. If you've been looking forward to it since last May - you're probably pretty gay.


5. If you vote as many times as you can every week from multiple different locations - you know you're gay already.

Of course, this only applies to guys and probably only counts once the real show starts. All of this intro BS (you know, with a lot of generic people that suck), that's probably ok to watch because there are some good times. Plus Paula Abdul is a train wreck.

Why all of the talk about American Idol? Because I saw this clip of a woman singing a song from The Wizard of Oz. Now, I haven't seen TWOZ (see what I did there?) since I was little so I really don't remember any of the songs, but when I walked into the middle of this performance, I thought this chick was imitating a half-man/half-wookie.

Anyway, here is the video of the Wookie woman (you will not be gay if you watch this clip).



All kinds of the good things in that video. First, she says she can "do" the lion (I'm not sure what that means). Second, she may have been reading directly from this blog. I'm not sure though. Also, the poster rejection is awesome. Plus, Jewel (who would be smoking hot if not for her messed up grill) is there, and that's always good times.

In other music news that is also slightly gay, I bring you this video about Tom Brady. This is a Kissing Suzy Kolber production (like yesterday), so it follows the same format (scrolling pictures with a song in the background), but this one is easily 1000x funnier than the Rexy Back one from yesterday. It is SFW and you really, really need headphones to enjoy the song along with the plethora a pictures.



How about that love ballad, huh?

Yeaaaaaah, I wanna help you reach completion
...
...
...
...rating highest in the the league!

If only it was sung by the Wookie chick. Someone on the internets needs to make that for me.

Brad-LLRRRR-rrrRRR-y

So let's recap: weight discussion, American Idol, hairy things and a Tom Brady love song. Nope, no gayness here. Not at all. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Have a good weekend.

Brady....

I'm Bringing Rexy Back....YEAH!

Alright, it took me almost a week, four 24, some work cancelled due to "inclement weather" and me being mad at the San Antonio Spurs (my favorite Association team) for blowing the game against the Lakers, but now I'm ready to move on from last weekend's football massacre.

Two things that were awful that happened:

1. The San Diego Super Chargers lost. This hurt doubly because not only had I adopted them for the playoffs, but they lost to the hated Patriots.


2. The Colts won, which isn't that bad, except now I had to hear a weeks worth of Indy vs. New England BS on the World Wide Leader.

Fortunately, these pains have been relieved by three things:

1. LT went off on the Pats, making for some good drahma for the next few years. (Even the Pro Bowl in Hawaii because Belichick is coaching).


2. I avoided SportsCenter all week, there by missing all of the Indy vs. New England hype


3. Wheezy provided me a new theme song for the New Orleans Saints (below), my second team for the playoffs. You can call me a bandwagon guy, but who isn't rooting for them except for Bears fans (sorry, Galante)? Plus, I like Josh Bullocks, Scott Shanle, Trevor Johnson and DeJaun Groce (who was exciting everytime he touched the ball). Well, love is prettty strong for Trevor Johnson, but everyone else is cool.

I can hear the complaints: "Why so many sports posts lately?" and "Are you gonna become a 'Sports' blog?". Four reasons:

1. It's the playoffs and once their done there really isn't football for a long time.


2. I'm a man. And like Ron Burgundy says, "I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am." What does that have to do with football? If you're a man like me and Burgundy you know.


3. The Saints are "America's Team" this year. Who doesn't want to hear more about them?


4. Finally, I have a good video for this post.

So, without further ado, here is the New Orleans Saints new theme song. It's really just "Gonna Fly Now." with a dude jumping around. Not as much fun to sing, but I'll prolly still do it. I don't have 5 reasons why I like this song or I would give you another list. So, in absence of the list, just enjoy the video.



Is that dude Dog the Bounty Hunter? I don't know, but this video has me back in the NFL spirit.

Well, its that video and this video. Since I know a few Bears fans read this blog, I can't leave you hanging without a video of your own. So, here's a Kissing Suzy Kolber production (with a production name like that, how can it not be good), Rexy Back. This one might have some words on the pictures that are minorly NSFW. Its not NSFW on the whole, but perhaps there are some words that could be construed as NSFW. None are said though - I don't think.

Chargers...Charge!

After my (adopted for the playoffs) San Diego Super Chargers collapsed Sunday, I had to take a day to breathe. Otherwise, I would have started using words so rarely seen here on the Skeet Thrower that I may have lost my PG-13 rating.

Sweet choke job.

Anyway, I still hate Belichick, and apparently, so does NFL MVP LaDainian Tomlinson

"I would never react in that way. I was very upset," Tomlinson said. "When you go to the middle of our field and start doing the dance Shawne Merriman is known for, that is disrespectful. They showed no class and maybe that comes from the head coach."

But the best quote may have been from linebacker Shaun Phillips:

"Every time I will play New England it will be a personal grudge," linebacker Shaun Phillips said, according to the Union-Tribune. "That was very classless. ... When we went in and beat their head in New England [last season] ... we did nothing but compliment them and say they were a good team. We would never disrespect a team like that."

That's the kind of anger I like to hear. Next time the Patriots play the San Diego Super Chargers they probably should be careful because the San Diego...Chargers! are going to be so roided up for that meeting that they may kill Tom Brady. Or just take a bite out of someone's throat like Jack "I gave the look of death to that dude from China" Bauer (Did you watch 24 like I told you to numerous times? It's freaking awesome, huh? Yeah, I thought so. It's the only thing that could have saved me from being pissed about another Peyton vs. The Patriots week of hype for the NFL.).

Anyway, I still have the Saints left to root for, but sadly, I have no theme song as of yet. That San Diego Super Chargers theme song was so good that I couldn't let it go (in fact, it is now on my iPod as part of my workout mix - right after the "Price Is Right" theme song), so I found a sweet video of some dude dancing to the San Diego...Chargers! theme song.

Here's how much I love this song - this video breaks two of my internet video rules: 1) The video is sideways and 2) The videographer is audibly laughing in the background. I hate those two things. Almost as much as I hate Joan Cusack and Bill Belichick. Anyway, here's the video.

Celebrate The King Holiday!

It's Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday today, but the name Martin Luther King, Jr. Holiday is too long. I had a teacher in college that taught me nothing (literally, it was one of the most pointless classes ever) except to refer to this holiday as The King Holiday. Deal.

And ever since, I have promoted the name of "The King Holiday." So, today we should honor the King Holiday by remembering how dumb we can be and by looking forward to the better places we can go...

...and there's no better way to do this than by looking at a music video from the early 1990's. Today, I bring to you the King Dream Chorus! It's a conglomoration of "pop stars" at the time including (you may or may not - probably closer to may not - know who most of these people are without title bars) El DeBarge, Fat Boys (you'll know who they are, they are sooooo Raven), Full Force, Grandmaster Melle Mel, Kurtis Blow (like '84!), Stacy Lattisaw, Lisa Lisa, Teena Marie, Menudo (with Ricky Martin - the "Livin' La Vida Loca" guy), Stephanie Mills, New Edition, Run-D.M.C., James "J.T." Taylor, Whodini (not to be confused with one of my favorite sexual moves) and a pre-kiss-my-ass Whitney Houston.



Sing, Celebrate. Sing, Sing, Celebrate! There are several highlights in this video: which Fat Boy will have a heart attack first, the really, really gay Menudo (not that there's anything wrong with that) and how Whitney was too big of a star to show up in the studio and got over-the-top effects for every appearance. That said, everytime she shows up, all I can think of is..."Kiss My Ass!"

In all honesty, this is a serious holiday. Enojy it if you're lucky enough to get a day off of life. And let's hope we can continue improving our society.

San Diego Super Chargers

Wait, 2 weekend posts? I do have a life. I just forgot to include some things in the last one.

So a buddy from work (thanks, Sam) sent me this link. It's a NFL Bandwagon decider. It gives you a team that you should root for in case your team is out of the playoffs. It's awesome for several reasons, but the main reason is that it has the voice of the NFL Films guy.

If I had to pick one man to narrate my life, it would be him. Second, it would be James Earl Jones. Third, Jack Bauer. (By the way, have I mentioned that 24 starts tonight? You should watch it. I've included the Season 6 trailer below).

But I digress, the NFL Bandwagon decider told me to root for the San Diego Super Chargers. Since I'm rooting for the Super Chargers for the rest of the playoffs, I thought I would bring you their theme song. Now, let's root them onto victory over the Patriots and that douchebag Belichick (see below).



So, yeah, that's awesome. Good times. San Diego...CHARGERS!

As promised, here's the Season 6 trailer. I would put the season 6 prequel up here but it's been removed (Damn you, You Tube! This is two strikes now...don't cross me again). If you're not excited about 24, watch this before you start watching the new season, Sunday at 8 EST/7 CST. You'll have to Trust Me! You want to watch this show.



If I can find the prequel I'll post it.

Back to football...If you want another reason to root against the Patriots and hate Belichick even more, here's Belichick going for a manbrace with Mangini (the NY J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets! head coach), but before he can get there he shoves a camera dude out of the way. Not a big deal, true - but he's still a douche.



If you're a Bears fan, you may want to check out these sweet psyche up videos.

With thunderbolts and lightining,
We'll light up the skyyyyyieieieyyy!
We'll give it all we got and more,
with a Super Chargers tryyyyy!

...Go Chargers!

Weekend Information

It's the weekend. Why am I posting? I don't know.

Anyway, I thought I would give you some small news updates for the weekend.

Zlad is on TV commercials for MDX energy drink. You may see them on tv this weekend. Good times. Plus when you're with people that have never seen the full video, you know where to find it.

Hope you caught Stephen A. Smith's show "Quite Frankly" on Friday because it has been canned. Quite frankly, I hate Stephen A. He exaggerates everything and makes statements that are blatantly false. Furthermore, its about time, that show sucked;however, I did not receive notice on my ESPN Mobile device.

I don't watch the NHL. But apparently a bunch of people on the internets were trying to get a nobody voted into the All-Star game. It almost happened. But apparently, you should never trust the NFL.

Also, while drinking this weekend, try not to get wasted and show up on TV like Paula Abdul. She is slurring and a little crazy.

You knew I was gonna bring you a video.

Finally, 24 starts Sunday. Watch it. Do it.

Honestly, 24 is the best show on television. People forget about it because it runs stright through from January to May and then its not on for a few months, but it is really, really good.

Hope you enjoyed all of the italics in this post.

Tara Reid Countdown...

It's another casual dress Friday here at the skeet thrower. I still don't know what that means, but I like saying it.

Anyway, it's been about almost two weeks since New Year's Day and I've given you ample time to make, break and forget your New Year's Resolution. Want to know my 2007 New Year's Resolution? Shed 10-15 L-B's, taking me back to sports playing weight (down from my, lazy/fat-ass/I-enjoy-Rudy's-too-much weight).

Kind of boring, huh (and maybe a little gay)? I know you were expecting something ridiculous. Well, this gives me a chance to explain one of my life rules to you: Only make a promise to improve myself every-other year. So, basically on the odd years I try to improve myself. On the even years, I try to give myself something to improve upon in the odd years.

Anyway, why am I boring you with this? Well, my resolution from 2005 was this: Stop thinking Tara Reid is hot. You'd think it was easy, but everytime I watched Van Wilder, American Pie (the first one - the one where she's not a heezy biatch) or one of my friends sends me that clip from her movie "Body Shots" (the typical young actress, trying to make it, crazy sex scene - I can't show that here, being a family website and all), I have to remind myself of my resolution.

Fortunately, Tara Reid made my job easier by being an idiot on her show Taradise last year. It was on E! and basically was the reincarnation of "Wild On!" - the show that made perrenial Skeet Thrower Top 5 BCS member, Brooke Burke famous (she was on my list until she died in 2004. And by died I mean disappeared from the face of the earth). Also, Tara repeatedly shows up in clips like and pictures like the ones below.

If you don't follow along the same lines as me and still thing Tara Reid is h-o-t-t, then you may not want to watch this or look at the pictures below.

This video is a clip from a New Year's party with Tara Reid.



I love the dudes in this video. This easily has to be one of the worst vacation videos to rewatch (except for this clip). I also enjoy how Tara misses some numbers in her down count from 60! Finally, I liked (does this sound like a 3rd grader's paragraph!) the horrible sound quality and lack of Tara Reid face shots - because it helps me keep my resolution.

If video wasn't enough for you, I've provided you photo evidence. Actually on second thought, I can't have those pictures on here - they're too hideous. I've included links if you want to risk it. It's Tara in a bikini top with a jean skirt so its mostly SFW.

Tara Reid is a Trainwreck
Bad Stomach

I'm not sure what you do to make your stomach look like this, but my God, its awful.

Anyway, here's to 1 year and counting of thinking Tara Reid is not hot.

I Like Box...Just Not Box in a Box

I have had countless emails thrown my way (not to mention a post the other day) asking my if I had seen the "Box in a Box" video. And to answer your question: Yes, I've seen Box in a Box.

And, I guess I just didn't like it that much. The chick in the video just annoys me. It is a combination of her constant movement (she's trying to dance, but its just awkward) and trying too hard to be funny. Don't get me wrong, I love how she is trying to popularize the use of the word "Box". Trust me, I've been pushing that for years, even here on this blog (see here and a video here), but overall, I just was ok on it. It's nothing special.

If you haven't seen it, I'll include a link for you (below). In the meantime, I'll allow Keith Olbermann to give you the X's and O's. The best part of KO's commentary is that he has a quote from Justin Timberlake at the end. Justin says "He doesn't know how he feels about (the parody)." KO agrees and so do I. It's not awful but its just not great.



Wait - who's Keith Olbermann? Well, he's on MSNBC now (I don't watch his show), but he used to be on SportsCenter. I couldn't find a clip, but I did find this funny SportsCenter commercial. It features Dan Patrick and KO. Pretty funny...



...but not as funny as this clip from Anchorman. It's basically the exact same idea, except that Will Ferrell took this idea and perfected it. It is funny everytime you watch it. And always good to yell at your friends or your wife.



Which brings me back to Box in a Box. It's just not that funny. She is successful in using someone else's genious idea, but she doesn't really add anything to it. If anything it's worse. And now, if I meet this "bunny," I am going to punch her in the ovary. Straight shot.

Yes, there are some parts where you will laugh, but to me it's kind of like the WNBA (watch this if you haven't!). There are occasional moments where you may be impressed, but for the most part, its just awkward.

Anyway, here's Box in a Box. You can decide for yourself what you think of it. If you decide to go, notice that the person that provided the video is named "boxsinger." That may be the best part.

Appearing & Disappearing Like Ninjas!

You may have noticed some changes here at the Skeet Thrower. Prolly not, but maybe. I've upgraded to the new version of Blogger (which was bought by the growing beast Google) and I've changed a few things around.

The most exciting thing, however, has nothing to do with Google taking over Blogger (which will probably result in some ridiculous name, like Boogler). It's actually the appearance of a simple link under the My Favorite Links section:

WHEEZY'S BACK
The actual link is Wheezy's Blog

Now, you are undoubtedly asking yourself one or more of the following four (4) questions:

1. Who is the Wheezy and where did he go in the first place?


2. You see Wheezy daily, why is this a big deal?


3. Wheezy has said this before, is he really back?


4. Why would I want to see pictures of Wheezy's back?

Well, I can answer all of those questions for you. First, Wheezy's blog was easily one of the funniest, creative and most importantly original blogs on the Internets. It was genious, but then he had to work and as work increased his posting decreased. This brings me to the second question, Wheezy and I now longer work together. I'm not sure whether it was my continuous use of the words skeet and derka or his desire to draw animated things (respectible things, none of that anime porn garbage), but whatever it was, Wheezy has decided to go back to the wonderland that is known as college. Now that he's back in college, he'll post all of the time, or at least every few days (which answers my third question).

Finally, if you don't want to see Wheezy's back then I don't want you reading this website. Go ahead and leave now...

If Wheezy's back intrigued you (or if you immediately clicked the link above and now you've returned from that link wondering how you missed all of the pictures of Wheezy's backside), we'll go ahead and continue. While Wheezy appeared and disappeared like a ninja (see I tied in the title), I'm thinking he's here to stay - so go check it out, add it to your reader, etc.

In honor of Wheezy, allow me to present to you a scenario which Wheezy once asked me:

Assume you have been offered to have sex on the Internets. And by on the internets I mean over a web cam and everyone would know it was you (like there might be a title on the webcam feed). How much money would it take? Effectively, how much would it take for the American Pie scenario. But since the title is about ninjas today, I thought I would show a video of an unmasked ninja being dumb instead of American Pie (plus it qualifies for the family website).



So that's a little old, but damnit it is good. Back to the question, how much money would it take for me to do something like that (not the backflip but the sex)? A lot - probably I wouldn't do it, but I never say never. Wheezy, always a thinker then asked how much would it take if you could wear a mask (like a luchador mask) and no one would ever know it was you. Intriguing. What's also intriguing is that I have a video clip for this scenario as well (with ninjas, not masked sex).



I don't know. It's hypothetical (much like the kindergarten fight question) so I just made up an answer. But I still wonder to this day if Wheezy was really wanting to know for himself...

Just kidding, he's not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. He's just not gay.

Welcome back, Wheezy.

NFL: The Playoffs Are Nuts!

The NFL playoffs are always good times. It's really the people that step it up that make it more fun. And by people, I don't mean the football players and coaches because they go all out in the NFL week-to-week.

No, I mean the fans. When the owners jack up ticket prices, the average fan prolly can't afford to get in. This means that they are willing to do some crazy stuff to get tickets.

For instance, you may remember last year the fan that wanted someone to "come over in a Roethlisberger jersey" and "[we can't say this word here but it begins with an F] her." Never wanting to be topped by Pittsburgh, this year some Philidelphia fans are the ones bringing the shananaganery. There is a couple that wants playoff tickets sooooooo badly that they are willing to let someone call the shots when they are having sex in exchange for tickets. No word on whether someone bit on this deal, but how about that? Way to step it, Phili. How bad would it have sucked if you lost that game?

Anyway, speaking of craigslist, I thought I would share my favorite craigslist post. It's included below. It is probably somewhere between PG-13 and R, but not gonna get you in trouble at work or anything. But you kids should probably change the url in the bar at the top of your screen after the video.

What video? Well, I thought I would give you the "Aaron Brooks Glitch" shown by the Eagles in Madden. I'm not sure why this happens but the quarterback just throws the ball backwards. Watch the video and see for yourself.



Why is this called the Aaron Brooks Glitch? Because he actually threw a pass backwards about 20 yards in a game. Then Duece McAllister had to run and pick it up and take the 20 yard loss so it wasn't a lost fumble. It's about 1000 times funnier to watch it in real life. This clip was on the YouTube.com, but the NFL wanted to removed (they don't like their players looking like crap). This is prolly the first time that the YouTube.com has let me down. If I ever find it again, I'll post it.

Anyway, I promised you a craigslist post.

It's for used sex toys.

Go ahead and change the url now if you're underage.

...
...

Ok, for everyone else, here is the post. Good times. Hope you didn't buy (or post) any of this stuff. I don't need to say anything else.

Used sex toys for sale - mw4mw

I have the following pre-owned adult toys for immediate sale:

Three-speed Vibrator with adjustable head, works great but rotator is slightly jammed with hair. $25

4 size small and extra small butt-plugs. I moved up the size rather quick so they are barely used and in perfect shape. $4 each

3 half eaten edible panties, size XXL. Flavors: virgin strawberry, smooth Irish cream, and backdoor fudge. $2.50 each

Soft rubber life-like (cock with balls) black dildo. The paint is slightly worn off at the tip but otherwise works great. $10

2 size extra small cock rings. $3 each or $5 for both.

1 set of glass anal beads. These beads have been used a lot so they are extra smooth! $8.

1 white leather sex swing, made in England. Slightly stained at the edges of leg straps. $25

Deep anal metal sphere mini-vibrator. The metal casing is slightly bent due to emergency retrieval surgery, but still vibrates perfectly well. $5

The Romosexuals Fall Short

I just watched the Cowboys (and specifically, Tony Romo) throw away a playoff victory. On Christmas Day's Eve (not Christmas Eve, but the night of the 25th - is this the hardest night to describe of the year?), I watched Romo try to throw away my 3rd place fantasy football team's (ironically named "The Romosexuals") trophy (he didn't I still won 3rd), so to make up for it, I turned to one of my favorite pictures to cheer me up.



For all of you Cowboys fans out there, this might help. Who doesn't love a manatee. And buckets. I love buckets. Plus the guy in the picture looks like he could be the 3rd Super Mario Brother. The blue one. Wonder what they would call him?

Anyway, you all know how much I love the YouTube.com, so I went there and searched for manatee bucket. On a side note, someone the other day referred to YouTube.com as UTube.com, a Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation. They then lost all credibility with me.

But I digress, after my search, there was no video available. So I decided that maybe someone on the Internets would mistake the manatee as a walrus and I searched for walrus bucket. Since mistakes on the internet never happen, I didn't expect much, but to my surpise, a video returns called "Walrus Has A Bucket" and it is subtitled "Nooo they are taking his bucket!" Excitedly, I opened the video. It turned out to be some dude messing with his junk (sadly not in a box). I'm not quite sure what he was trying to do because I peaced out on it pretty quick. I'm not gonna show the video here because this is a family place.

Anyway, I try to keep up on all kinds of slang, but I had yet to hear of anything involving a walrus and a bucket. So I went to one of my favorite websites, UrbanDictionary.com and found these (they are kind of graphic so be careful, PG-13 rating ahead):

Walrus
When having sex with a girl, you [skeet] in her mouth, then procede to punch her in the stomach while [said skeet] is in her mouth - causing the [skeet] to come out her nose while she groans. [This creates] two tusks and a sound like a walrus

Bucket
A flabby, loose or overly spacious [box]. Has a complete lack of taughtness and can usually house large objects, possibly large objects being the cause.

I replaced some of the graphic words with words you may be more familiar with, but you should get the point. While these are definitely two very funny definitions, they don't link the walrus and the bucket together. So, outside of having to rethink my love for buckets, I'm stumped.

Anyway, if you have any clue as to why this video would be here, let me know.

Something I'm not confused about is hot chicks. And one hot chick I know is Vanessa Marcil. Why am I bringing her up? Because her character on the show Las Vegas handles "whales" all the time. Why would I bring up whales? Because they are a sea animal that also starts with a W.

Is that too loose of a connection for you? Ok you got me. Really, I just wanted to show this clip of Vanessa Marcil doing yoga stretches on the Ellen show. Sometimes I focus too much on the negatives (see: Here and Here) and not enough on the chicks in my top 5.

It's Mariah Vs. Whitney In A 1990's Diva Battle!

It's a casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower, and you know what that means?

No?

Well, I guess you probably wouldn't since I've never said it's a casual dress Friday before. For me, a casual dress Friday means nothing different other than making it through the work day to get to the weekend. Who doesn't love Friday afternoon/evening?

Enough explaining the obvious. For you, a casual dress Friday means you get to see a battle over who is a bigger casual dress catastrophy. I bring to you today a battle between two 1990's Divas: Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston.

First, Mariah Carey, dressed as a 3rd grade girl hiding from the boogey monster. You can click on the picture for a closer look.





I think she is wearing moon boots. I'm no fashion expert, so I can't tell you everything that is wrong there, but this is a train wreck. Well done, Maraiaiaiaih. I used to think you were really hot. In 1997, I think you ranked in my top five. Now, you are an astronaut. Mariah, you on fiya! Do you remember that line from like half her songs in the late 90's? What happened to you Mariah? Mix in a salad and stop being so Raven. And by Raven I mean thick and breezy.

Our second subject of today is Whitney Houston. This clip is old, but awesome. I laugh at this just as hard today as I did when I first saw it. I've decided to include The Soup's version because you get to see it a bunch. On a side note, The Soup is one of the most genious shows on television.



Did you know that Whitney had to have a garage sale to pay for things like her house. Also, did you know that on the show from that clip (Being Bobby Brown, not The Soup), Bobby had to reach into her butt and pull out a piece of deuce because she was constipated (I can't show that, this is a family website)? I feel these are things you need to know.

Honestly, someday my kids will watch a better version of I Love The 90's and then say to me: "What the deuce? That was Whitney Houston? Really? That was the chick who sang 'I Will Always Love You', a song that is mandatory at karaoke (how the hell do you spell that?) and always, always butchered? It looks like her and the 2000's decided to battle and she lost."

Anyway, enjoy these two train wrecks. Let me know who you think worse.

It's Sir Charles, Thank You

I'm gonna be real straight with you - there are three things in life that I love: my wife, the Association (aka, the NBA) and fat black men. Only two of those things are true.

While I may not love him, I do thoroughly enjoy Charles Barkley (he's the fat black man, although I think he might qualify under the Association part). I love watching Inside the NBA on TNT solely because of Charles.

Why am I bringing him up now? Because tonight Charles Joins My Favorite Association Announcer Marv Albert On The Broadcast Team for tonights Lakers game. Not only will you get a full 3 hours of Charles, but you are also going to get to hear him rip on Kobe (he and Kobe duke it out all the time). Should be good times.

In the mean time, enjoy this clip of Charles Barkley's golf swing. Easily the worst swing I have ever seen. It's bad. And its worse because he's fat and no longer athletic.



Also, in preparation for Sir Charles, please enjoy some of these quotes:

"My underwear don't even have sizes anymore, they just say 'HUGE.'"

"We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic."

"Of course Yao hasn't gone up against guys his own size, doesn't she realize there aren't any black guys over there [in China]?"

"Colonel Sanders is the greatest white man that ever lived."

Things That Should Be Improved In Television...

I watch a lot of football. A lot. I pretty much try to watch whatever games are on. As such, I have several recommendations for what could be changed in football (especially the new running clock rules in college - the NCAA is full of derka derkas). But, most of those are better discussed over a beer or a ton of food, so most of them here.

Why the post then you ask? Because there are two things that need to be immediately changed - I'm talking starting tonight - for football games on TV. First, Andrea Kramer needs to be removed from sideline reporting. Have you seen her in HD? She looks like death. It is awful. Honestly, ESPN, can't you sack up and give me someone else? Everytime I'm surprised by an HD image of Andrea Kramer I kind of jump back in my seat. I literally look away from the screen when I know she's coming. Not Good Times.

Second, all halftime coaching interviews need to be altered. Why you ask? Because of Joe Kines' halftime speech. Who is Joe Kines? The interim coach at Alabama. He gave probably the best halftime speech of all time. No swearing, no insults, just straight up craziness in his voice. Of course, this clip became immediately available on the YouTube.com, and now I'm bringing it to you.



He sounds exactly like Animal the Muppet. And who didn't love Animal? Genious. Well Done, Kines. I will now become your biggest fan. If you become the head coach of Alabama, I will root for your team so you will be on television more. Couldn't television networks do this to all coaches? I mean, we are already on a 7-second delay, how much harder would it be to put a Joe Kines filter over all halftime interviews. 99.9% of the time those interviews are worthless, but if every coach sounded like Kines, I would listen everytime. We could even expand this and have multiple voice-overs, like James Earl Jones, Sean Connery or that dude from NFL Films.

Anyway, here's a good clip of Animal the Muppet for reference.




Oh yeah, remember all that Andrea Kramer talk? Apparently the YouTube.com agrees with me...

Hey Baby, Wake Up From Your Asleep!

Well, I'm back at work after a long vacation (I'll have more on that later), so it is time for more from the skeet thrower.

To welcome in the New Year, I present you with a music video from the FUTURE. Or, more realistically, a music video from Russia (maybe?) and the late 80's/early 90's. The guy's (or group's?) name is Zlad and he has a few websites available on my favorite YouTube.com.

It's well worth the three minutes to listen to his techno musings about the future.

For this song I believe he followed this process:

1. Write song in his native language


2. Plug lyrics into freetranslation.com


3. Record ludicrous music video

Of course, this process creates some awesome "grammatical" mistakes and some perfect rhymes.



All systems gone! Prepare for down count. 5, 4, 3, 1. Off Blast!