Friday, March 30, 2007

Casual Dress Friday: That's What She Said

Its a casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower, and this being a family website and all, I try to keep this fairly respectable most of the time. And by respectible, I mean worthless and ridiculous. Why do I constantly remind you that this is a family place? Because Wheezy's post about his Mom finding his blog is one of my biggest fears.

As you know (if you can read), I was in Fort Wayne earlier this week (more on this in a second). I was meeting my parents there, so I emailed my itinerary to them. Not a big deal right? Well, I used an email address that has a link to my blog at the bottom. So, potentially mi madre is reading this right now. And that was dumb. Although not nearly as dumb as this guy:

What an idiot! But I digress - like I said, I flew out to Fort Wayne (FW) earlier this week. We had a connecting flight through Dallas where I saw this sweet advertisement for the Dallas Mavericks:

I'm not sure what MAVS FEVER is, but any slogan that includes "Catch It, Spread It" is probably something I'd want to avoid. Of course, this was just the precursor to some ridiculous signs in FW. Apparently FW hasn't caught onto the whole that's what she said thing. Everywhere we went there were signs that made me laugh to myself. For instance, Mike's Express Car Wash had a sign that said "$5 - As Long As You Want" (on a side note, that may be the most professional car wash website ever) and a new Meijer's boasted "So big you won't believe it!"

But you can see things like that anywhere. The motherload of "that's what she said" occured when I was in the airport waiting to come home. A family (husband and wife, 3-year-old daughter and a grandma) sat down behind us in the terminal. The conversation was about candy and went a little something like this:

Grandma: Let me give her some.
Mom: Don't you give it to her.
Daughter: I want it!
Mom: I'm not gonna let you have it.
Daughter: Please, just let me have it.
Grandma: Here, just put this in your mouth.

Daughter takes candy and clearly doesn't like it.

Mom: See, she doesn't like it! Now look what you've put in her mouth.
Grandma: Well, just let her spit it out then. You don't have to swallow it, honey.
Mom: No. You put that in your mouth, now you have to finish it. You don't get to spit it out.
Grandma: But she doesn't like it.
Mom: I don't care. If she puts something in her mouth, it doesn't need to come back out.

Honest to God. I was in "That's What She Said" overload. I honestly said it to myself like 10 times and then I was just in shock. I turned around to see if they were reading a script or if some of my friends were standing behind the people laughing because it was all staged. Turns out it was really happening (unfortunately, so is this Tony Parker rap video) and I couldn't believe it.

All I could think of was this video.

Have a good weekend.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Hip-Hop And You Don't Stop

Now, you all know that the Skeet Thrower loves some good hip-hop (especially if it has some good skeet throwing (SFW) lyrics or a great breakdancing video). It is in my blood. That said, I love all kinds of music and one of my mainstays used to be me dropping some "genious" videos of the past on you. And because it has been a long while since I brought you a classic music video, I've decided to bring you one today.

It's Joey Scarbury's "Believe It or Not" (The theme from Greatest American Hero).

Now aside from several obvious questions, like what in the hell was that, you may be saying to yourself, "Where have I heard that song before?" Well, you prolly saw it here:

Now that damn song is gonna be stuck in your head all day.

Why a random video on Monday? Well, you heard about basketball in the recap and with the Final Four coming this weekend, a lot of you are gonna be on b-ball OD, so I thought I would go a different way (if you really want basketball, check out this hip-hop Duke dis video (NSFW language). Plus, I want to talk about one of the coolest songs I (finally) illegally downloaded this weekend. It is the remix of Fall Out Boys' "This Ain't A Scene, Its An Arms Race" Remix featuring Kanye West.

But before I talk about the song, let me ask - why in the hell do alt-rock or punk-rock or pop-rock, or whatever the hell the call themselves, decide to name all of their songs ridiculous titles? "This Ain't A Scene" would be good enough. What the hell does that even mean? This is awful. My iPod can't handle shit like that. Leave it to like 25 characters, dbags. I'll let it slide because I like the song, but don't do it again.

Want another more ridiculous example?

Panic! at the Disco: There's a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey. You Just Haven't Thought of it Yet.

The name of your band is ludicrous enough as it is, but they went ahead and created a song with two freaking sentences in the title. 2 sentences! Its a title. Is it not bad enough that the radio overplayed your damn song "I Write Sins, Not Tradgedies?"; you had to create a song with a name like this? I haven't even heard it but I can't imagine you have time for anything else but a chorus with a title like this. And your name is like in high school when some guy I knew always signed his emails "Douche!" (the name was changed to protect the douche). I want to fight you.

But I digress, the whole reason I wanted to talk about this song was Kanye's lyrics. They cut to the heart of me. I've reprinted them here so you can read them while you listen to the song (I've even bolded some of the best parts)...

Now I don’t know what the hell this song is talking ’bout
Do you?
She said ‘yeah, I’ve been spending all day tryin’ to figure that out,
You too?’
The arm race made ‘em raise their arm and race straight to the top
Who knew?
Right now they got the number one spot do you want that?
Me too

One thing I gotta call out boy
Take a look at Fall Out Boy
Cause they ain’t black when they get money they don’t ball out, boy
They just buy tight jeans
‘Till their nuts hang all out boy

They figure they dress tight so we ‘gun dress tighter
He dress white so we ‘gun dress whiter
So in spite of anything you might of seen or heard–this scene occurred

I think this whole rap is a subtle shot at the Fall Out Boys. Genious. I'm not saying I don't like Fall Out Boys, I just think Kanye lit them up on their own remix.

If only he could mix in something about Jack Bauer stopping nuclear attacks both here and abroad in tight, full-length t-shirts...wait a second.

I'm now issuing a challenge to the hip-hop world - someone come up with lyrics describing this. Can we get Dre and Jay-Z on this please?

I mean, Mims has a song where he doesn't say anything - can't we just rap about Bauer? Speaking of Mims, read these lyrics to yourself (just read, don't sing the music in the background) and tell me you don't smile...

This is why I'm hot, This is why I'm Hot
This is why, this is why, this is why I'm Hot
I'm Hot cause I'm fly, you ain't cause you not
This is why, this is why, this is why I'm Hot
This is why I'm hot, I ain't gotta rap
I sell a mill sayin' nothin'
This is why I'm hot, shorty see tha drop
Ask me what I paid and I say yeah I paid a gwop...

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Week In Recap: Baskeball Amazingness

So I'm in Fort Wayne, IN, population 205,727, as I write this. As you can tell, it is not a very big city. What's that have to do with anything? Well, Saturday I had the chance to watch the Division II NCAA Championship game between Barton College (located in Wilson, North Carolina with a population of about 44,405) and Winona State University (located in Winona, Minnesota with a population of about 27,069).

Both of these cities are significantly smaller than where I'm at currently, but since I knew I was heading to a smaller city yesterday, I decided to watch the game. It was a close game but a realtively boring game. That is until there were about 45 seconds left.

Most people wouldn't watch this game...its Barton (which made me immediately thing of Vodka) and the lesser known WSU (and by lesser known, I mean NO-body knows them). In any case, here's the clip of the last 45 seconds, worth watching again even if you have seen it.

How about that reverse layup to tie the game. Pretty ballsy, huh? Between that game and the sweet Elite 8 games plus the fact that the Association is ramping up into the playoff push...good times for hoops fans.

Onto the recap:

On Monday, I didn't post but I got called out by Johnny for not posting. I'm out of town, but hopefully, I'll have something up tomorrow.

Wednesday I continued my campaign fow Woolery to take over the PIR. Also, as a bonus, Adam gave us a look at his BCS Man-Crush List.

I unveiled the BCS Bottom Five on Friday.
Update: Here's the real Skeletor link

Hope you had a good weekend.


Friday, March 23, 2007

Casual Dress Friday: The BCS Bottom Five

It's a Casual Dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower, and I'm still recovering from the 3 amazing games last night. 3 of the 4 were brilliant. Plus Kobe aka Mamba dropped 60 points last night. An all around good night of basketball.

But you didn't come herrrrre to talk about basketball (unless you got a Basketball Jones), you came here for what I promised you last week - The BCS Bottom Five. I've changed the name from BCS Most Hated mainly because I don't like the word hate I think its a better name.

As always, there are a few rules to this:

The Rules:

  1. You must be a woman or a really girly man (not to be confused with a grizzly man).

  2. You must be a celebrity or, at least, someone that I'll prolly not talk to. Furthermore, it has to be someone - not a whole group of people. You can't just go all Tim Haradway on a group of people lest something like this might happen.

  3. The person can be fictional (from now on known as "The Jack Bauer Rule"); however, if a character makes it into the Bottom Five, you are allowed to hate the real person under that same category.

  4. Generally, you are a person that I would root against in the game of life.

And that's it. A little more complicated than the BCS Man Crush List, but not to hard (honestly, if you can't get it, I'm surprised you've made it this far).

On to the list...

The BCS Bottom Five

5. Dr. Meredith Grey aka Ellen Pompeo

She's always been kind of a shady biatch but Ms. Pompeo takes it to a whole new level on Grey's Anatomy. She is like a bad mix between the Gilmore Girls and an old aunt that won't shut the hell up at a family gathering. Do you know that she's almost 40? Not that that's ungodly old, but she's supposed to be like 25. I hope to God my doctor friend doesn't ever meet anyone like her because I think he'd shoot himself in the face and then I wouldn't have anyone to give me a prostate exam in the future.

I have quit watching this show (not that I really watched it to begin with), but when Meredith was in the coma/purgatory/death world, I was hoping she wouldn't wake up. Random fact, did you know she was in Daredevil? That movie sucked.

4. Joan Cusack

I don't even know why I don't like you, I just don't. You're like some crazy mix between Lara Flynn Boyle and Skeletor (that one prolly has some NSFW language but is good to go with headphones and worth the watch). And I hate your damn cell phone commercials (this one being my worst nightmare). Who is going to buy US Cellular, and, more importantly, what marketing genious was like - "You know who'd be great for this spot? Joan mother f-ing Cusack, that's who!" I bet they're unemployed now. For some reason, you annoy me in every movie you are in. I wish you would have tagged the filing cabinet in this clip. You are way better in Spanish because you don't talk. Please go away.

3. Rosie O'Donnell

I didn't like your talk show before and I don't like you on "The View." Also, you perpetuate the stereotype that box-eaters are less like porn stars and more like rectangles, and that makes me sad. You know that someone is annoyning when an Asian rapper remixes one of the best hip-hop dis songs of all-time to attack you:

Rosie, you are annoying and the only reason you didn't end up higher on this list is because you give such good fodder to The Soup. I hope you get stuck hanging upside down causing you to pass out, leading to your dog coming up and peeing on your face.

2. Fergie

Speeking of pee on the face, Fergie is next on the list. I can usually handle an annoying pop jingle or two, especially if you're hot (that means you Beyonce - but don't keep pushing me), but for some reason, Fergie, you push me over the edge. It is prolly because this is you:

That meth really wore on you, huh? I swear to God if you make one more damn song where all you do is talk about yourself and spell, I am going to find Josh Duhamel and hypnotize him into telling you go to Derkaderkastan. If he does that without me hypnotizing him then he will move up into the BCS Man Crush List (just so you know, Josh). In other news, here is a really old video of Fergie.

1. Sandra Oh

Oh, how I hate you Sandra Oh. We have a long relationship, you and I. I hate you now (you and your character on Grey's Anatomy) and I hated you then (on Arli$$).

I wish words could express how much I despise you. Everytime I watch Grey's Anatomy, I hope something weird happens to you like you get punched in the face, making you stumble backwards onto a food cart that is being roled into a patient's room that happens to feature Rosie O'Donnell (who is making a guest appearance as a patient) at which point you are immediately devoured by her, food cart and all. Cuz, Lord knows Rosie devours food like a bear. That would be awesome.

Also, did you know Sandra Oh is Canadian? It just keeps getting worse for her. Fortunately, I'm not the only one who has a strong dislike for Sandra Oh.

Here is the only funny clip of Sandra Oh:

I like it because she doesn't talk. And that its not really her.

...and that's the list, now you know who I dislike. Everyone else I'm cool with, except for...

The Just Missed List:

- Sherry Palmer. She was on the first 3 seasons of 24 and was number 1 on my first ever BCS Bottom Five. She's fallen out of contention because she's not on 24 anymore and I don't really hate the actress (mainly because I don't know who the actress is). Damnit, Sherry was a shady. I wish Jack would have vampire killed her. The way she leaves the show was easily one of the most satisfying parts of Season 3.

- Reba McEntire. You may wonder why in the hell she makes the list. It's because my wife is always watching her damn show whenever I come home from work. Something about this show annoys me so damn much, I want to break my brand new tv (but then I realize that's crazy). There's just something about it....damn you, Reba!

- Trang Ho. You don't know who this is and it is impossible to Google for her in any respectible manner, but take my word, she is annoying. This is an actual Vietnamese or Brazillian...I don't know person from my MBA classes at Nebraska. I know I just violated a rule (#2), but honestly everytime this person talks I want to punch her right in the Trang Ho. Just think of the most annoying person you know, double it and then you have the Trang Ho. That said, she doesn't make the list for two reasons: 1) She violates rule #2 and 2) I had a very small interaction window with her (although that should let you know how potent she is).

Speaking of Trang Ho, here is a nice video from somewhere in Asia. You may have seen this floating around the Internets this week, so I am sorry I didn't get it to all of you last week (I was busy). It is SFW, but the product being advertised is Bukkake Milk, so take that as it is.

Feline Disrespect From Behind!

Also, on a semi-related note, check out Adam's comment the other day listing his BCS Man-Crush list. As an update, he drafted Teahen in the 16th round (only one off of my prediction).

Have a good weekend.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Woolery, Shandi and DWTS

So Dancing with the Stars started again this week (and I meant to post this Monday but I've been busy...damnit!). I think DWTS follows the same rules as American Idol, except for one thing - The professional dancing chicas are smoking hot. Smoking. That chick that was paired with Emmitt Smith was unbelieveable. And they wear very little - pretty much nothing. I'm not sure how they get away with it on ABC. I guess they cancel it out by having the host be a chick with a man's voice, Samantha Harris.

Anyway, if you have to bite the bullet and choose between the two - pick this one. Yes, I know, Tom Bergeron sucks and judges are ludicrous but there's a very good reason you should watch Dancing with the Stars this season, Shandi Finnessey.

Who in the hell is Shandi Finnessey? Well, she was Miss USA 2004, is the co-host of one of my favorite game shows, Lingo, and is the host of a show on GSN that runs from 11pm - 1am CST (shown in the clip above) on weekends. On a side note, that show (they've changed the name so much) mesmorizes me - I think partially due to Shandi, but mainly due to the crappy sound effects and numbing techno music. It just lulls me into a trance....

Back to Lingo, here's a clip that showcases Shandi and the real host, Chuck Woolery (who I've written about in the past).

There are several funny things about that clip but the best two things may be: 1) Chuck in a pancho and 2) Chuck telling Shandi that she should go into "dancing." Now we all know Mr. Woolery has tagged a few "dancers" along the way, but telling you no one can get away with more shady biz (and bad haircuts) than the Chuckster.

I am easily one of Woolery's biggest fans. And I have been petitioning for Woolery to take over the PIR (Price is Right) for a while now. Don't get me wrong, I love Bob Barker, but the man is on his way out. Well, apparently, I don't have enough (or any) pull with CBS and they refuse to listen to my requests (that said, I haven't really tried to do anything other than write about it here on the Skeet Thrower).

It appears as if the stars are aligning for Woolery to take the PIR over. You see, we knew that Bob Barker was on his way out, but now we have an approximate date - it looks like he's out in June. Now, I don't know when Dancing with the Stars is ending, but I would assume that it is in late May or early June.

How do these two correlate? Well, if Shandi makes it big on Dancing with the Stars then she'll leave Lingo to become a big star. Chuck would then be left without a co-host which wouldn't work (plus the last co-host sucked) and so he would begin looking for new opportunities. And, lo and behold, what would he find? The PIR. Maybe he could just take Shandi with him - she apparently want to be in a Tag-Team with him.

This is our chance to push the Woolery for PIR campaign into the next level. Honestly, only Woolery could handle a situation like this anymore. We need to make sure Shandi wins Dancing with the Stars. So, vote for her, I guess. I don't really know how it works but I'm pretty sure we can control Dancing with the Stars just like other people control American Idol.

Plus, who doesn't want this guy to be your favorite gameshow host:

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Casual Dress Friday:

Apparently those bastards over at NBC forgot to read my letter to television a couple weeks ago because they are yanking me around with The Office. First its on, then its off, then its on for 2 weeks, then its off for like 6 in the middle of the spring. What's worse is that I knew it wasn't new this week. I knew it. But my box (and by that I mean my DVR) told me it was a new episode. Of course, all they did was put two episodes back to back, interspersed some deleted scenes (which I had alread seen on and told my box it was new.

What in the hell is that? Bush league, NBC, real bush. If I ever meet the president of NBC I'm going to punch him. Right in the mouth.

Anyway, since The Office isn't going to be new until sometime in April, here's a sweet video to hold you over in the meantime. It's actually an NBC compilation of clips, but I know you'll enjoy it...

It's a casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower, and I have decided that on Friday's during March, I'm going to take the time to answer a few of the more popular questions from my hundreds of readers (OK, let's be honest, some days its just tens of readers..but I digress). If you've been paying attention, you've noticed that I did this two weeks ago when I told you who was on my BCS Celebrity Man-Crush list (I left it to celebrities because it could get really awkward if I revealed my non-celebrity man-crushes) and last week I answered ?Porque Es Amor?

This week I'll answer a very complex question: "Who or what do you hate the most?". Now, typically, I try to avoid direct negativity. I tend to just enjoy light-hearted mockery (like naming all of my NCAA tournament brackets "Dickenmann's boys" - who, on a side note, sadly and predictably lost - but can you tell me why there's a website that keeps track of Howie Dickenman quotes?), but sometimes you have to just spit some good 'ol hatin'.

To be accurate, I'm going to split this question into two parts, what is my biggest pet peeve and who do I hate the most. The latter part of the question will fall under my BCS Top 5 Most Hated List (which will be officially unveiled next week!), so I'll save that for another post.

Today, I'm going to tell you about my biggest pet peeve. I'm a pretty level-headed guy, but there are very few things that push me over the edge. I hate brown-nosers. Someday, when I'm rich, I'm just going to fire people that annoy me like this. I also hate it when people sniffle a lot during meetings (or just anywhere) and refuse to blow their nose. And I hate it when people are bragadocious homers for their team (sports or otherwise) when they A) know nothing about what they are bragging about and B) only brag when they win.

But those are all petty little things. Like I said, I'm level-headed - those things don't even really bother me.

But you wanna know what really bothers me? Bluetooth Headsets.

I am a huge fan of technology. Hu-Uge. I love iPods, DVRs, cell phones, Wiis and the Internets. But I hate bluetooth headsets. Look, I get the conveinence factor (and maybe everyone should be forced to get them for their car). I even get the whole, it frees up my hands for phone sex thing. But honestly, I hate it when people just walk around with on non-stop. Don't you realize you look like an idiot? You may think you're cool and hip walking around with your bluetooth in all the time, but what you don't realize is you have a metal and plastic tumor growing out the side of your head and you look like a fake Robocop. And do you always have to yell? Why are you announcing your conversation? Yes, we know you have a bluetooth headset, but, no, I don't care what you are having for dinner tonight.

Honestly, lets lay down some ground rules for using bluetooth headsets.
  1. Only have the bluetooth in when you are on the phone.
  2. Only use a bluetooth when you need both of your hands for something else.
  3. Don't act like you're cool because you have a bluetooth headset. You're not. And this guy better hope me never meet in the streets.
  4. Don't be a derka.

That should take care of it. This shouldn't even be something I need to write about. Some people are just dumb.

Looking back on that last paragraph, you can see why I don't write about things I hate. I can't even find funny links for this shit.

In other pop culture news, check out this video of the band name "The Cat Empire." I saw this on a Letterman rerun last night. I'm ok on the song, but can you tell me what the dude on the far left is doing? Also, is the person on the piano a chick or dude because I have no clue.

He's playing a freaking tambourine? That's it? Oh, I guess he dances as well. What in the hell is that? He doesn't have a mic at face level so unless his cod piece is singing that's all he's got. I wonder if that has caused a real-life more cowbell situation...only with a tambourine and a beast on synthesizer/keyboard.

Have a good weekend.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

It's Not Like I Get Anything Done Anyway...

Yesterday started the least productive work week in business (ironic because I got more done yesterday than I had in the previous 2 weeks combined) and its all thanks to the NCAA Tournament.

What other sporting event causes the whole business world to just slow down like this? Sure, people talk about a lot of football, but pretty much everything happens on the weekends; NCAA Basketball has the ability to completely demolish two full work days this week alone (God bless March Madness On Demand). Not to mention its mystical power to make people who haven't watched one college basketball game this year become tournament experts...

Anyway, I'll refrain from giving you a thorough run-down of the tourney as I have in the past, instead today I'll give you a clusterf--k of information that may help you when making your tourney decisions.

First: Kansas always chokes. I always pick them to go a long way in my bracket and they always, always jack everything up. On the plus side, it can lead to interviews like this. But if you want a real reason why you can't pick Kansas this year its because of this highlight:

Its clear by watching this highlight that something (karma, God, Satan) has it in for Kansas. That dude just fell out of the air. On a side note, that highlight makes me laugh everytime. I'm gonna dunk it...oh derka!

Next, you're gonna hear a lot of people cabalgar las nueces de Joakim Noah. A little tidbit for you: he's not that good. He's also kind of a baby.

Want further proof? Here's a clip of him dancing.

Here's the last NBA player that danced that poorly:

Do you know who that is? Probably not unless you follow the Association. NBA players just don't dance that poorly. That should be enough proof that he's not that good - he is just ok. On a side note Al McGuire's dance at the end of that clip is awesome.

Moving on, you may have heard about Greg Oden and Kevin Durrant. Turns out they're pretty good. And Oden has been playing without his right hand all year (he broke his wrist earlier in the year), but in the Big 10 tourney he started using his right hand again and he dominated. Just saying. If these two ended up on the same team, you could put me, my dog and my grandpa that just had heart surgery out there and we would win.

Speaking of Greg Oden, the number one tidbit you should consider:

Howie Dickenman
Central Connecticut State's head coach is named Howie Dickenman. I'm not kidding. The best part may have been that once I figured that fact out I did a careful Google search for him and saw this as the teaser for his bio:

"Entering his 11th season as the head coach at his alma mater, Howie Dickenman is the second-longest..."
Honestly, who doesn't change that last name. Its Dick-In-Man! Holy nuts! I hope he has a cousin named "Terry Boxenmouth." What are Dickenman family reunions like? Does he know Kyle Sackrider?

You may be asking what Dickenman has to do with Greg Oden...well, tough break for Dickenman and his boys because they are stuck playing Ohio State in the first round. Pretty much a loss (I have it that way in my bracket). But if there has to be one bracket buster, I hope its this one so I can hear the phrase/word Dick-In-Man as many times as possible on TV during this week. I'm already not getting anything done - might as well make it comical.

In fact, anytime I hear someone riding Joakim Noah's cod piece over the next few weeks I'm going to call it Dickenmaning him. I'm taking that phrase global.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Week In Recap: Life Without The Internets

I spent the weekend in the beautiful city that is San Antonio, Texas (for some not so great reasons, but we'll ignore those) but sadly I was without the Internets except on my phone for most of the time. I feel like I was disconnected from the world. Honestly, how did we ever live without the Internets? Can't we get Google to speed up the whole Internets everywhere thing?

Ok, I'll stop rexplaining something Wheezy has already done. On to the recap:

On Monday, we watched a 34-year-old fisherman perform feats of a Ninja Warrior!

Hump-day was all about chicks, culminating in us staring at Kellie Picklers breasts. I hope you went and played a few of those Liquid Generation games. In other boob news, apparently Paris Hilton got a also spent her money on some new "shoes."

I answered another question from my readers on Friday. Honestly though, you know me and you read my blog - whey are you asking me what love is?

And that was it. Seems that this week I was a little more hetero. Maybe even a little bit too masculine - I did talk a lot about boobs and tell you to do it in the butt. This clip should balance it out:

I hate soap operas...but I love telenovelas. Nothing like "un pequeno gaaaaaay" to round out last week. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Casual Dress Friday: What Is Love?

Its a casual dress Friday here at the Skeet Thrower and during March I'm going to take the time to answer a few of the more popular questions from my readers. Last week I answered the question, who is on your BCS Man-Crush List. Today, I'll answer the question, "What is love?". But before I answer that question, I should tell you one of my life rules: Anytime I write the phrase "what is love" I am obligated to link to or show this clip:

On to the question. To answer it, I've brought in a guest who will read you a poem:

And there you go. Question answered. On a side note, the fact that there are two clips from Saturday Night Live films on one blog post may be the high point of Lorne Michaels' life. Somebody should notify him.

Right about now, you may be asking yourself - Why all of this talk about love? I didn't come to the Skeet Thrower for love. Well, I'm getting there...

The other day I texted Wheezy to tell him about the delicious sno-cone I was having. Instead of a text full of envy, I got a call back from him asking about this random blog he had stumbled upon from his stats. Now I usually try to visit every blog that links to me, but I hadn't gone to this one yet. Anyway, he was reading through it and found this post (reprinted here just in case it somehow disappears...):

Reasons I Love Random Person I Don't Know That Well

Since it's Valentine's Day this is an ode to a guy who hopefully never reads this blog. Disclaimer: This is in no way to be construed as romantic. It would be like a man crush - if I was a man.

He taught me what the box was.
He brought the party to the box and it hasn't been the same since he left.
Once in the first season of Veronica Mars someone referenced "laying pipe" and I thought about him.
Once someone told him I thought he didn't like me. His response: "What?! I don't even know this girl. See ya later Laura."
His blog turned me onto The Superficial which usually has more content per day than Tyler Durden.
I've only had jello shots he's made.
He will call you the fuck out.

Since that pretty much chronicles my life, Wheezy assumed it was me and made a comment inferring as much. Somehow that resulted in me getting called out on the (and I've made it pretty clear that I hardly ever look at the, so that meant I was pretty much defenseless). What the f--- is that. Now this is happening - I'm calling you out. That's bush league, that's what it is. Who is this chick anyway? I don't even know her...

Just kidding, Laura. See, I do know who you are. And now I've linked to your blog. And you're damn right I'm pissed about Avril.

In other news, I'm still holding out on my Tara Reid resolution thanks to clips like this. I saw the audio version of this, but Wheezy brought me the video (so thanks Wheezy!). This is Tara Reid: Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Is there ever a time where she is not drunk? If only she was as good as this guy, I could have begun to look past my resolution.

Speaking of bad covers, I'll leave you with "The Final Countdown." I don't even have anything to say about this other than I wish I was there.

Have a good weekend.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Who Would You Do?

I usually save follow-ups for the weekend but I couldn't wait on this one. I got an IM that was pretty funny and I wanted to share it with you:

After Tuesday and last week, this is something you might enjoy:
Pacman Sno-Cone: This is when Pacman packs a stripper’s bare asscrack with crushed ice and then pees in it.

Thought that brought together a couple posts rather well.

It's March. And you know what my favortie part of March is? That is comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.

Ok, just kidding, it is really a toss up between March Madness and MTV Spring Break. I used to love MTV Spring Break - in fact, someday when I'm loaded, I'm just going to make an MTV Spring Break channel (and by loaded I mean rich not drunk, although in this case it might need to be both). That should work out well. And yes, I know that's not a clip from MTV Spring Break a few lines back, but what am I going to show you that is even remotely SFW? Besides, this is a family website.

Anyway, remember when I talked about things that should be improved in television? Well, in the spirit of March Madness, someone has created a "Who Would You Do" tournament of sideline reporters and one of them was Andrea Kraemer. I say "was" because it turns out she got smoked (big surprise, she went against number 1 seed Erin Andrews). It's good to know other people agree with me.

I'm impressed with the dedication of Zach L - he's apparently been running a "season" of this stuff, culminating in this tourney. The tourney is underway, but it is far from over. Of note, Bonnie Bernstein escaped the dreaded 5-12 matchup with Michelle "In the Ghetto, My Last Name is a First Name" Tafoya. I'm pretty sure Erin Andrews will win, but you never know - the Internets are a crazy place. Of course, if Erin Andrews doesn't win, we should prolly call in Kirk Herbsteit.

Check it out. Get out and vote. Make a difference.

You know what this reminds me of? Liquid Generation's "Who'd You Rather?" which gives you two celebrities and lets you pick who'd you rather (you fill in the blank). Pretty basic and SFW. They also had another fun name called Who's Boobs where you see some boobs (and nothing else) and have to pick a celebrtiy to which they belong. Pretty much NSFW there, but still intriguing.

Why do I bring that up? Because, as a dude, its built into my genes to notice boobs. It just happens - I don't even have to look at them. I have 20/20 memory when it comes to bresticles. Why all of the talk about boobs? Because recently a pair of moderately famous (and I use that phrase loosely) boobs have changed - the boobs of Kellie Pickler. You know, she was on American Idol last season? I don't know - I don't watch that show - but she got mentioned on The Soup (watch that!) enough that I know who she is.

Anyway, here's a video of Kellie from last season. My recommendation to you (if you don't like country music) is to push play then pause, let the video load and go to about half way through and take a look.

Nothing wrong with that. Apparently, her managers didn't thing so. Here's the new look...

Update: YouTube removed this video, so I posted the full version up here. Wait until about 1 minute in and check out the comment from Ryan.

A little bigger, no? Honestly, this would have flown right under the radar except Ryan, and Simon later on, are obsessed with them. I don't think Seacrest looks her in the eyes once.

That should be all of the evidence you need. And have no fear fellow Skeet Throwers, I'll keep watching and let you know if I notice anymore changes on Kellie or anyone else. This kind of job needs to be handled by someone and I guess I'll just have to do it.

One final side note on that "One Shining Moment" video - I posted it because it was the last time that:

  1. Kentucky won the National Championship

  2. Nebraska made the big dance (Lil' Red makes an appearance early on in that video)

How the mighty have fallen...

Monday, March 05, 2007

Ninja Warrior!

Before I start today's post I need to mention that my favorite sno-cone place, Sno Beach, opened up from their winter close-down on March 1st, so on Sunday I had my first delicious, sugary, mmmmmmmm-good sno-cone of the year. These are the Best. Sno-Cones. Ever. I'm not kidding. And if you don't like them, I will fight you. Anyway, if you are ever in Austin, make sure you visit Sno Beach. I'm in a state of euphoria right now - mainly because I love iced treats so much...

I mentioned the Turtles a while ago (and probably heard more about that post than any other post), and I've talked about them in the past, but I never really talk about why I like them.

Of course, that would take too long. Suffice it to say they were awesome. That said, who didn't love that they were ninjas. I love ninjas, ninjas, even if they be stealing my beer, my bucket or maybe even my coat.

Anyway, why do I love ninjas so much? I don't know. Probably because they do so much cool/ridiculous stuff and because of games like Ninja Gaiden (which you can play online here). On a side note, did anyone really ever beat that game? I spent hours and could get prtty far. Apparently somebody did, but I don't know them. Also, is Ryu from Ninja Gaiden the same guy from Street Fighter?

Anyway, I was watching tv with my non-wife roommate the other day and we stumbled across a Japanese show called Ninja Warrior. The show was subtitled (sadly, no MXC-style voiceovers). On this show, they make normal Japanese dudes perform feats that only ninjas could do. And by normal Japanese dudes I mean fairly athletic ninja looking dudes.

I watch about 10 minutes and similarly to MXC, when the dudes failed, they usually fell in some shallow pit of water. Only when they get up, they look disgraced.

Since I have zero-to-negative amounts of time for an attention span, I immediately went to my homeboys at the for more video of this show. And I found this one of Makoto Nagano, a 34-year old fisherman. It's a 9 minute video, but its worth watching every second.

I'm not sure how a fisherman gets on this show. More importantly, I'm not sure how you figure out that you can do some of this shit. How do you figure out that you can swing across a moat on a rope and then scale a wall from said rope. Furthermore, who has moats anymore? And, more importantly, if you have a moat/wall combo, why are you dumb enough to tie a rope across the moat? Nevermind, dumb question - Ninjas always have grappling hooks. I guess I should ask - where are you testing your grappling hook skills?

Finally, and this may be the most important question, is there a place where I can try some of this? I think someone needs to open a ninja training facility that's bascially just a big obsticle course. Then, everything else will fall into place - there's no need to educate people to ninja principles or other skills like bo-staff skills, nunchucking skills...

On second thought, maybe we need to include that stuff - lest all of our ninjas turn out like this:

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Week In Recap: Life Update

So, I went to Time Warner on Friday to get my HD-DVR box for my new TV. I called TW, made sure they had HD-DVR boxes in stock, unhooked my current non-HD dvr box and went into TW to pick up my glorious new box. Of course, when I get there, they have no HD-DVR boxes in stock (they did have DVR's and HD boxes, just not the combo). Bastards. Now I'm left with my old box. The sad thing is, I worked really hard to clean my old box before I turned it in. It is gonna take a lot of work to keep that damn box clean...

I also wanted to update you to my weight resolution: no changes - I am where I was a while ago.

On to the recap: I kind of went ballistic this week on links - mainly cuz I've got too much to say (I just want to give you somewhere to waste some time) - so I'm going to post in parentheses the number of links (not including videos) on the page.

This week, on The Skeet Thrower:

- Monday was mi hermano's birthday and I gave him Chad Vader videos. (17)

- I made it Rainn on Tuesday. On a side note, you would not believe the number of emails, texts and person-to-person confirmations about other people hating Kenan as well. How is he still on that show? (15)

- Thursday: Avril, that's bush. Bush league. If you were a man, I'd punch you. (8 plus 2 bonus links from Wheezy in the comments)

- On Friday, it was raining men as I unveiled The BCS Man-Crush List. (22)

After that post on Friday, I think I know how those dudes felt after filming Brokeback Mountain. Still feeling kind of gay after that last post, so I feel that I need to compensate by posting another non-gay clip.

Here's a (SFW) clip of Tyra feeling up Kathryn McPhee.

Also, I used a form of box 9 times in the first paragraph - couldn't quite get to 10 - but that should help out.

Finally, this week's most hit post was:

Casual Dress Friday: Standing Strong from Friday February 9, 2006 - garnering hits from the Mississippi Dept. of Education, China, Vancouver and Rutgers University among others. Not sure why that was the most linked post - prolly dudes looking for that elusive hot Tara Reid picture...

Friday, March 02, 2007

BCS: Man Crush List

It's a casual dress Friday and today is a special day because I'm unveiling a big change at the Skeet Thrower. Today, I'm unveiling the BCS Man-Crush list.

I've talked about my BCS rankings a lot, but I've never really given a full explanation of who is on the list my qualifications for the list are. Unfortunately, today, I'm just going to give you the Man-Crush list (you'll have to wait for the BCS Most-Hated and the BCS Top 5 Chicas later). Since this is a pretty big deal, I'll just get right down to it.

The Rules

  1. Anyone, real or fictional, can be a candidate for the man-crush list. Pretty much all this means is you can't just make someone up.
And that's it. It is pretty straight forward. I want to clarify 2 things at this point:

  1. I am not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). That said, this is a man-crush list. Take it as you will.

  2. The man-crush list is kept at 3 (while my other BCS lists stretch to 5).
Anyway, without further ado, here it is.

The BCS Man-Crush List

1. Jack Bauer (not Kiefer Sutherland)

Bauer is the shit. That is all. Easily number 1.

2. Gilbert Arenas

The best part of this video may be all of the "That's What She Said" quotes at the beginning. Agent Zero is in the Association, he's funny and he's known to yell Hibachi at his opponents. All good thing.

3. Will Smith

It's Will Smith. Do you really need a reason (justforget about Wild WildWest)

I'm not going to give you any more explanation. That is final. Its straight forward - I love 24, I love the Association and I love the Fresh Prince.

Close calls include Justin Timberlake who gets points for selling Britney at her all time high, good music and banging a bunch of hot chicks and Josh Duhamel who lost a lot of points for dating a hideous and annoying Fergie.

Also, dudes that I love that were not close to the list include Charles Barkley (he's so fat) and Magic Johnson (for obvious reasons).

While I'm on the topic of slightly gay things, you may have missed this shot from the Avril video yesterday:

It's there, I promise. See, it is at 2:25. Watch for yourself. Tough break for that guy - now that photo is on the Internets (this from the guy that just listed his top 3-5 celebrity man-crushes).

Just to prove to you I'm not gay - not that there's anything wrong with that - I've included a song about guy love (this one's for you, Wheezy)...

Ok, including a song might be kinda gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), but this whole post is questionable. Anyway, I thought I'd let you know about the new feature I'm including here at the Skeet Thrower - a list over on the right, updating you almost instantly (or everytime I post) to any changes to the Man-Crush List. These are the things I feel you should know.

On a completely different subject, I'd like to leave you with something about chicks, so here's a new music video by Beyonce and Shakira. I hated the last song from both these chicas, but this one isn't so bad and the video is pretty good. It is SFW, but it is also a Beyonce/Shakira video...

Have a good weekend.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

What the Hell Happened to Avril Lavigne Part 2

You may have thought I was exaggerating when I brought this up before or you may think there are more important people going crazy, but I'm not kidding - what the hell happened to Avril?

Avril is very important to me for two reasons. First, she's on my guilty pleasures list, and, second, she's my psyche-up music. Some people like the Tunnel Walk, I like Sk8tr Boi. It just gets my blood pumping. Then I start putting my balls in their place. And by that I mean I start playing beer pong really well, just ask Ross. In no way was anything in that last paragraph gay - not that there's anything wrong with that.

Honestly, I think someone kidnapped Avril and replaced her with a Pink/Jessica Simpson hybrid. And that's just not cool.

I'm gonna be straight with you Avril, one mother f---er in that song does not make up for...whatever the hell it is.

What's even more diconcerting is the rate at which the music stars from my late high-school/early college career are disappearing. First Britney, then Tonya Harding, now Avril...if things keep happening at this rate, this will be the Backstreet Boys in a few months:

The best part of that video might be the kid in the back playing World of Warcraft or whatever those crazy asians college kids do.

Also, let's be honest, I wasn't a big fan of Tonya Harding - I just wanted you to show you a picture of her now. She needs to mix in a few salads.