A Rare Non-Humorous Post?

You don't get that from the skeet thrower very often. I don't know whether to tell you to enjoy it, or whether you're just reading this wondering how I'm going to work in some comedy.

Anyway, I am in the midst of vacation for 12ish days, so I'm not sure how often I'll post. I'm sure I'll hit up the internets occasionally. Just keep me in a reader and you'll know when I post.

If I don't see/talk to you - have a great Christmas & Happy New Year.

If you read this far, you know I'm going to reward you. Check out this video clip of the Star Wars Holiday Special. It's a 9 minute clip, but after about 2 minutes it starts to get really funny. Mainly because it is just Wookies talking.



After watching that clip, this had to be one of the worst Christmas Specials ever. No wonder Luke Skywalker never worked again...

Do You Like Your Weather With A Hint Of Gay...

Check out this video of a Florida (I assume) weatherman. He is giving the forcast when, all of a sudden, he spots a bug and flips out. First, he swears on television and then he goes nuts. It's like he switches the "Flaming Gay" switch to on.

Apparently, the same bug came back to get him 3 hours later on another report. This time, he really flips out. It's freaking awesome.



Maybe he's not gay. But if he's not, he sure is one affeminate male. I don't know if I have too much room to talk - I do love Mean Girls...

Cod In A Box?

This has been all over the internets lately, but in case you haven't seen it - its an SNL digital short. Prolly the best stuff since "Lazy Sunday."

The only thing that would have made this better is if they used the word cod instead of dick. Although, it works really well. If you were lucky enough to see this Saturday, you might enjoy this as it is the uncensored version.

Good times.



I love the chick from Jo Shmo (the TNN/Spike fake reality show) that is now on SNL. She's really stepped it up. Good for her. You get that dick in a box.

Anyway - Well done, Justin Timberlake. You keep on bringing that sexy back. Bring some comedy back to Saturday Night Live while you're at it as well.

Dr. Phil Versus Alternate Dr. Phil

I'm not a Dr. Phil fan. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I dislike Dr. Phil and so for the rest of this post I will refer to him as Dr. Philliam. He's one of those people that I would borderline punch if I ever met him. Much like Isaiah Thomas said, "You'd better watch out if you see me in the streets." He definitely is not on my guilty pleasures list.

Anyway, now that I've put myself on some FBI watch list, check out this clip from Dr. Philliam. It is a bit ludicrous. First, he tells kids not to watch this clip. Do you know anything about kids? Are you an idiot? That made me perk up and I hate your show. Furthermore, it is on during the daytime. The only people watching this are kids and Oprah moms. Way to turn off your audience, Dr. Philliam.

But I digress (I'm all over the place...it's prolly because I'm procrastinating...), in this clip, he is supposed to interview the creator of "Bum Fights," one of my boy JP's favorite things on the internets. The guy comes out dressed as Dr. Philliam. Good times. Dr. Philiam then overreacts and states that "he can't have a civilized" convo with him. Civilized? There are Dr. Philliam soundboards that have calling yourself a "drunk pimp." Niiiiiiice.

Anyway, check out the clip.



I will say that I do enjoy the Dr. Philliam soundboard prank calls. I love it when he tells that lady to start having a gay relationship. So, maybe I do like something about Dr. Phil. Maybe.

Nah.

What the Hell Happened to Mary-Kate Olsen?

Remember yesterday when I talked about guilty pleasures? Well, one of them used to be the Olsen twins. They were boderline hot and filthy rich and you knew it was only a matter of time before a crazy ass sister-on-sister sex tape broke out.

I disticntly remember looking on the internets and finding a count down until they turned 18. Unbelievable.

We all know Mary-Kate Olsen has had her problems with Meth and Anorexia, but this is ridiculous. These pictures were snapped of her recently and she looks like hell. Audrey! Audrey! If you were a man I'd punch you! Honestly, if someone can explain to me how someone that is so loaded and that was fairly attractive can fall apart like this, I'd like to know so that it doesn't happen to my daughters (who I hope will be rich and attractive, but not get on every guy they meet) someday.

Anyway, here are the pics.

What the Hell Happened to Avril Lavigne?

I have a few guilty pleasures in life. In no particular order they are:

1. Mean Girls


2. Boy Meets World Reruns


3. Avril Lavigne

I'm sure there are more, but I just can't think of them right now. Sadly, I think I may have to scratch one from the list. Boy Meets World, you ask? No, fortunately I can still catch up on the life of young Corey Matthews on the Disney channel multiple times a day. Sadly, something has happened to Avril Lavigne. I'm not quite sure what it was. I have provided evidence of her evolution in the following clips.

Complicated
This was the first time America met Avril. Her punkish style with catchy, girly pop became an instant hit. Who didn't love Complicated and Sk8trBoi. Complicated is an underrated party song by the way. Crank this up once everyone has had a few drinks and you'll get a sing along that may only be topped by Journey.



Don't Tell Me
Avril got hotter in this video but the all black outfit still showed her punk side. She still had that rough feel. The song was still popish, but don't act like you changed the radio station when this came on. In fact, if you were by yourself I bet you caught yourself singing along.



Avril on TRL
Sadly, something happened to Avril. She got married, but that's certainly not the case because I got married and my wife certainly didn't try to become Jessica Simpson. Plus she said her new album is a lot more upbeat and different. Who wants upbeat, Avril? What happened to your angst? Why the blond hair and perkiness? Also, this interview (much like all TRL interviews) sucks. So please don't bore yourself and watch it all. The first segment really shows how she's changed.



So, if for some reason Avril, her husband, her publicist or anyone else that can influence her for some ungodly reason reads this, please tell her to go back, lest she be struck from my list of guilty pleasures.

At least she still has the Canadian accent...wait - Canadian accents is something I don't like. Damnit.

'95 Nebraska Is the GOAT and Herbstreit Flips Out

ESPN Classic ran a program last night - the All-Time Greatest College Football Teams. They had some crazy internet voting and compared teams from different eras. As a sidenote, I don't think you can compare athletes from different eras because athletes now are bigger, faster and stronger than those from 30 years ago. That said, there were still some bad ass athletes, but, in general, some of the best athletes went to baseball and boxing, not to football.

But I digress, Nebraska had 3 teams in the voting, 1971, 1983 and 1995 (my personal favorite). They had the preliminary voting online and then they had the last few rounds live on classic. The voting was pretty interesting with 95 Nebrsaka topping 71 Nebraska as the Greatest Of All Time. That's not really a surprise considering 1995 Nebraska is widely considered one of the best all-time teams.

But what is interesting is how Kirk Herbstreit reacts. He flips out. You may remember last year that Herbie voted 95 Nebraska as like the 4th best team all-time when he was trying to say that 2005 USC was the best all-time. Now he gets visibly angry that people voted 71 Nebraska to face 95 Nebraska. Now I know quite a bit about college football and I don't know a lot about the 71 team, but apparently they were pretty good (but I think my athletes from a long time ago point still holds up). I have no clue if they were the 2nd best all-time, but it made for an awesome youtube.com clip.

So, now that you have read through all of that, you know I'll give you something for it. Check out Herbstreit on the show. He gets so angry and flustered - its awesome. I laughed really, really hard. At one point he stands up and I expected him to do the "F- You, F- You, You're Cool, F- You, I'm out" bit. Also, I like how they have the senior citizen's table. Good work ESPN.

The Man Is Hiding In The Shadows!!!!

I'm not quite sure what this video is. It features Dr. Dre and some generic rapper in a recording studio, and I think it is a promotional video for said generic rapper. It doesn't matter.

My three favorite parts to this video are:

1. The unintentional humor of the generic rapper asking, "You see this man right here?" Unfortunately for him, he is hiding in the shadows and it is impossible to see him.


2. The generic rapper telling "bitches" to "give me P---y" because he knows Dre. The best part of that may be how Dre just laughs and then is like, oh yeah, that's true.


3. On a more serious note, it provides further proof that Dr. Dre's Detox is coming out. That is going to be one sweet album.

After further investigation, I believe the generic rapper's name is Bishop Lamont. Niiiiiiiiiiice. At least he ends with "Church!"

Bush Leagicious

First of all, I used to be one of Fergie's biggest supporters. Then she got all meth'ed up and released a CD that makes me want to shoot myself in the face.

Honestly, I almost posted about Fergie earlier, but I didn't want to subject you all to the pain. I think those guys in "London Bridges" were yelling "Oh Shit" because they realized how bad the song was. Although, I think it has been topped by "Fergilicious." I don't know, it's hard to tell who loses more in the battle between that shitty song and "Wind It Up" by the formerly hot, Gwen Stefani. At least in that song I can replace whatever Gwen says with "Derka Derka" and it fits.

Anyway, I have provided you with a video of a live performance of Fergilicious. If you want to get to the really painful stuff, just FF2x to about 1:53 and listen to her sing. It is horrendous, and, therefore, unintentionally hilarious. Also, I think my wife wore the dress Fergie is wearing to a $5 prom 5 years ago. Not kidding. I think there's pictures of my wife's cleavage on one of my friend's phones from that dress.



As for Gwen, I used to think she was hot, but now I'm too bothered by "Derka Derka" and whatever is living in her hair to know what I think about her...

High School Football Rules!

OK, so I've heard that my last couple posts have been a little bush league. Well, you'll enjoy this one.

Screw the Superbowl Shuffle, this may be the most bad ass football team name video available. There are so many preposterous moments in this video that I can't name them all. My top 3 moments include:

1) The uncomforable look of the quarterback (I assume he's the one they say is in the shotgun).
2) The old white dude dancing.
3) The fact that they all lift up their jersey's, but they forget that there is no team name there. You're supposed to do that to represent your team name.

Anyway, without further ado, "Do The Devil Walk. Dooo Iiiiiitttt." I have no clue what this is called, they just say that a lot.



How can you not be psyched up for the Tift Co. High School Blue Devils after that. I'm so jacked up right now.

In case you have never seen it, here is the Superbowl Shuffle. Good, but not nearly as good as Lil' Trill's Devil Walk.

Impressive Quarters Video

It is the weekend, and I know several people love to play quarters as a drinking game. I myself prefer something like Tippi-cup, Beer Pong or Beer Die (or Jewish Toss as it may be called at Arizona State). Anyway, this guy is awesome at quarters. I am not sure how many times they had to re-film these shots, but it is pretty impressive that he made them none the less.

Oh yeah, it is sponsored by Axe, so that might knock it down a notch. Still impressive though.



After watching it again, it is seems pretty ridiculous. Why would you attempt these shots? Good times.

Ok Go Treadmill Dance

This is like 3ish (maybe more) months old, but I was talking with some people the other day and they had not seen this yet. This is a music video from the music group Ok Go. Not huge on Ok Go, but the video is pretty awesome. If you haven't seen it yet, take the 3 minutes to watch this video.

Did You Know There Was A 24 Prequel?

Well more acurately prequels to season 4 and 5? Because I had no clue until someone at work told me. This is not the trailers! For Seasons 4 and 5, on DVD only, they released prequels for the season. The season 4 prequel is freaking bad ass - it's an uncut director's edition and you'll know why if you watch it. The season 5 prequel is also awesome because my boy Bauer executes easily one of his best kills of the 24 series. Anyway, without further ado, here are the 24 prequels if you've never seen them.

Season 4 Prequel


Season 5 Prequel


There's also one for season 6 out there - it came out with the season 5 DVD's; however, as I'm currently watching season 5 again, I'm going to wait to watch it until I've rewatched season 5 completely. That said, I'll prolly post that when the time comes.

Dr. Claw's (from Inspector Gadget) Face!

Did anyone else watch this show growing up? I've included the intro for nostalgia purposes. On a side note, isn't this the most ludicrously long intro for any cartoon? Also, I think this video may be from the a spanish version from the way that "Inspector Gadget" is said at the end.



Anyway, did anyone ever see Dr. Claws face? Of course you didn't because they never showed it. That is until like three years after the series was done and they released an action figures set. Then, of course they had to show you Dr. Claw's face. But these bastards are smart and they covered his face in packaging. But someone had to buy it right? So after a few years of searching, I have finally found the picture of Dr. Claw's face. So, if you're not to scared to see the evil menace behind one of the cartoons you know you watched growing up, scroll down...







... and see the weird ass face. What the f- is this? This is the bad guy? No mask, no glowing eyes, no scars? Just a messed up mouth, some uneven eyes, a HU-UGE mouth and some bushy eyebrows. Bush. That's Bush League. I almost didn't show this to you guys because it upset me so much. Bad Times. Stupid Dr. Claw...

Hip-Hop With Your 99 cent Nuggets, Biatch!

I started working in the real world just over 5 months ago. And when I started, I had to endure like 6 weeks of training. Yes, in the long run its definitely been beneficial, but, honestly, once I hit the third week of training, I was ready to actually do some work.

Anyway, I'm sure training would have gone a lot better if it was in this format.



As an added bonus, now you know how Wendy's square burgers are made!

Donde Esta Mateo?

Where have I been? All over the place. I'll fill you into my journeys later when I have more time. In the meantime, I thought I would leave you with something enjoyable to look at:

Harrison Beck Fan Club

Make sure you read all of the comments in that Facebook group (and join it if you believe it...). The comments come in waves so I would assume that there is a few more battles to come. I think the internets were made by God (or Al Gore, depending on who you believe) so that I could have an avenue to laugh at idiots across the world. Good times.

It's a Kramer Explosion!

Check out this clip of Kramer (aka Michael Richards) going off at his stand up. He's legitamitely going nuts. Thankfully there is subtitles so you can see all the n-bombs and f-bombs he drops. Probably the best part is when someone calls him out - I love his reasoning..."Well you interrupted me, pal!" It ends with him walking off the stage, but I thought he was gonna go throw down fisticuffs, Stephen Jackson style on the dudes in the audience. That would have capped this off.



Here's his awkward apology. This might be the best part. First, the audience starts laughing. Most of them have no clue this is real. Some of them start laughing from the beginning. Then Kramer drops "Afro-Americans," the audience laughs again and then they get scolded by Seinfeld. Good times. Potentially, the audience is laughing that awkward laugh, like "Hey, I have no f-ing clue what to do right now, so I'm going to kind of chuckle...".



You also realize that Seinfeld Season 7 comes out on DVD in the near future...just saying...

Someone Trying to Hack My Blog and How Not to Rob a Store

I really didn't do anything this weekend. I watched a lot of Season 4 of 24 (its really good and for as much as I love Bauer, I haven't seen it yet), watched a lot of college football and played quite a bit of Nintendo Wii (which is quite possibly the coolest inventions of my life time - that's right it may be up there with cell phones and the internets). I'm sure you'll hear me talk about the Wii in the future.

Anyway, I came home and pulled up my computer and found out some bastards had found a backdoor in my FTP and hacking into my CPU. They hadn't really done anything yet, but since they had turned off my virus scanner and my num lock (!?!), I assumed something was coming. So, I'm tracking you SOB's - if you read this. Although, if you read this, you prolly already know way to much about me, and now I'm a little scared. I should call Jack Bauer.

So to commemorate someone trying to hack my computer (say that last sentence in your nerdiest voice), I leave you with a video showing how not to rob a store.



I've had this video in waiting, but I think Gorilla Mask beat me to the punch. Damn you, internets!

A.C. Slater Oh My!

I'm floored. My wife just watched the end of Dancing with the (B-C list) Stars Deuce (ok, I was sitting here with her) and Emmitt Smith (probably the only bonafied star on the show) just won. And he was damn good too.

I was prepared for Slater in all of his glorious gayness to win. In fact, I had already written a post about it (which is why this post is delayed). So, rather than getting rid of all of my old work, I decided to simply post this little prelude to my previous post. So, while its not technically correct, enjoy.

AC Slater just won Dancing With The (not-really) Stars two. First, is he still considered a star? Seriously. For that matter, excluding Emmitt Smith, would any of those people be considered "stars" anymore? Anyways, you may be asking yourself: Why in the hell does he know this? Well, I'm a pop culture nut. And maybe a little gay.

Anyway, in celebration of his win, I have posted this sweet clip entitled "Brokeback By The Bell." If AC is considered a star, this is what made him one, so enjoy the awesome scenes between him and Zach.

Cheerleader Headlock

Despite the constant mantra, "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World," I have yet to really watch "Heroes." I've heard that it is good and I've even watched a couple epidoses, but I hate watching a show develop slowly from week to week (except for 24 because there are so many twists that it is freaking awesome). In fact, I think I'm setting a new rule for watching all new long-term television shows such as "Lost" or "24": I'm not going to watch the show until after a season (or a few seasons) and: A) I know its good, B) it has been highly recommended to me from multiple sources and C) I can easily obtain it in a digital format so I can watch a bunch of episodes at one time. Lost is so painfully slow that I would almost rather wait and watch it in bursts (but damnit it is good).

Anyway, the whole purpose of this post was to show you this clip of a fight at a VMI/The Citadel football game. Obviously, there was a tense atmosphere for game between these two football powerhouses and this pregame fight was only the beginning. Anyway, behind the skirmish, a cheerleader comes in grabs some military dude and throws him in a headlock. I think she might even throw a punch at him. Pretty freaking funny. Or sad. You decide.

Bush League Thriller with Fake MJ

Who doesn't love Michael Jackson's Thriller? I believe I was 6 when MTV premiered the music video, but I remember how excited my babysitters' were to watch it so I watched it with them.

That music video changed my life - partly because I had a few nightmares (I was only 6!) and partly because it began my love for non-pop music (ie, hip-hop). And its not just me - people that are a few years older than me tell me that the Thriller premier was something you had to watch.

Anyway, apparently this guy doesn't love Thriller, because he not only butchers the dance, but he murders the song and the video concept.



I hope I never meet this person in a back alley or I'll give him the "Beat It" treatment.

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

Mizzou White Boy Pics

So I was looking through some of the B12 schools' basketball rosters and I stumbled across these pictures.

There are some very serious pics:





And then there are these pictures. Is Mizzou trying to degrade the white boys are their team? Honestly, if I'm at a school that's playing Mizzou, I'm blowing up the pictures to full size and waving them at the bench. It wouldn't piss them off, but it would definitely make them laugh.


Hey Guys? Who wants to play some basketball?


Oh you guys.


Derka

You can see all of the links here...Mizzou Basketball

Bad Ass Freestyle Rap Impersonator

As much as I love hip-hop, I hardly talk about it anymore. That said, check out Aries Spears (he's a comedian, kind of like a poor man's Tracy Morgan) doing his impression of hip-hop legends. He pretty much nails most of them dead-on. Especially his Jay-Z. In fact, if I was Jay-Z, I would hire Aries Spears to make all of my albums in the future. Then I would spend the rest of my time with Beyonce. Delicous Beyonce.

All credit to my boy Wheezy on this find.



If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

Aggie Nut Squeeze

In honor of the Nebraska game tomorrow, I thought I would share a little scene from a Texas A&M football game earlier this year.

For some reason these dudes squeeze their nuts. I believe its called BallBusting. Idiots. Who wants to bust your own balls?

Look at the dude with the glasses. I think he may have actually busted one of his one balls.




Now that you've watched it, you should know that someone told me this is not dumb or gay because the ancient Greeks did it. You know, the people that where notoriously famous for gay orgies and their obsession over having sex with young boys. Great comparison. Not dumb and/or gay. Not at all.

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

The Sackrider Emerges

In light of my post about Moore. Good. Dick. (Linky here!), I have decided to unveil a college football player's profile that I've been holding for sometime.

This guy's name is Kyle Sackrider. Good times.



Some important stats about the Sackrider:

- Third-year walk-on adds depth at tight-end
- [The Sackrider] has added 40 pounds to his frame since the beginning of the 2003 campaign
- [The Sackrider] had an 8-yard reception in the April 2 scrimmage
- [The Sackrider] had two catches for 12 yards in the April 24 scrimmage
The Sackrider has an illustrious scrimmage career

- [The Sackrider] was a two-year starter for Coach Ed Greenman at Harper Creek High School
- [The Sackrider] earned three letters in track (in high school)
- [The Sackrider] lettered in tennis as a freshman, advancing to the state tournament
- [The Sackrider] graduated from Harper Creek with a 3.5 grade-point average
Do we really have to list his high school accomplishments? He's done that little? Honestly, there's like 7 lines of them on his profile.

- [The Sackrider] is the son of Mark and Nancy Sackrider
Who doesn't want to meet Nancy Sackrider?

Three Words: Moore. Goode. Dick.

Arkansas Razorback players Will Moore, Brett Goode and Casey Dick take time during their 26-20 win over South Carolina to setup a genious joke.

Now I'm by no means a photoshop genious, but I'm pretty sure I could make something like this if I wanted. So it would lead me to believe that someone else photoshopped this beauty; however, I was told that this is a legit photo.

I still didn't believe it, so I went to Arkansas' football rosters and found the players. Then I linked to their profiles to prove it.

Can you believe the announcers didn't say anything about this during the game?

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

Faith Hill Says "What?!?"

Check out Faith Hill at last night's CMA Awards. She apparently thought she won, and then thought she should have won...



And of course my people on the YouTube have it available immediately. Well Done the Internets.

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

Tough Week for Chase Daniel

Not only did he not have a good day against one of the weakest secondary's in the B12, but he also got caught on camera doing this:

Bob Barker is Ghandi...Woolery for PIR

You may think I have a man crush on Chuck Woolery - I don't (I save my man crushes for more powerful men like Jack Bauer) - anyway, I have had two reported sightings of the Wollery selling property on infomercials, so I had to find them on the internets...and, I did. But I couldn't just show you C-Dub's lows, so I also found a copy of him a the peak of his life, hosting the Wheel of Fortune.

That said, with the news of Bob Barker's pending retirement, I am officially starting the Chuck Wollery for Price Is Right campaign. Who would be better then C-Dub on the PIR? The only correct answer is no one.

Sorry about the link to Woolery - I couldn't make the video autoplay and I didn't want it playing anytime someone came to the page.

Chuck On The Wheel:

Check out the sweet purple-pinkish suit!



Chuck Doing Infomercials

Chuck Selling White Bluff Stuff

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

Ron Artest Vs. Ben Wallace Again!

Ok, they're not battling again, but tonight will be the first time they have seen each other on the court since the brawl. You know what I'm talking about. It's one of my favorite clips on you tube. Nothing like watching Stephen Jackson try to throw down fisticuffs style with the whole Pistons team. My favorite two parts are when Artest hits the guy that he thought threw the cup (he didn't, but his face is priceless) and when Jermaine O'Neal superman punches some fat guy on the court.



Also, this video has some interesting commentary from ESPN immediately after the fight. Interestingly enought, most of their commentary is blaming the fans. Also, Jim Gray sounds like he is going to cry. They break down the fight pretty well in some spots.



Look forward to the game tonight - if only because it allows us to look back on one of the darkest, yet most entertaining days in The Association's history.

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

I Love Bauer

I love Jack Bauer. He (not so much Keifer Sutherland) is prolly numero uno on my "man" crush list. Not that I'm gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Anyway, last week I saw this trailer on the internets (24Trailer.com) and then on FOX during the World Series. I tried to post it but I couldn't get the video to not autoplay. Anyway, youtoooooobers never let me down. So if you didn't see it, or want to see it again - here is the 24 season 6 trailer.



Bauer is awesome.

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

This Kid Was Scared Out Of Church

Well, maybe not church, but it was the Temple. Olmec's temple to be exact. The girl is so damn scared of the Temple Guards, but the boy bails out of the Temple. Well worth a watch...




Who doesn't love Kirk Fogg and the Temple.

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

Good 'Ol Observational Comedy

Are you serious? You are going to make this that easy for me? The only reason I am mad at this picture is because it took me this long to post it. How many people do you think called in immediately after they saw this picture and said they have found the rapist? The worst part about this picture is that the guy's eyes look very guilty. This has to be photoshopped. Otherwise, this should go down in news history with the Whistle Tips, Boom Goes the Dynamite and the stupid chick in a canoe in New Orleans when somebody walks right through her shot (I'd provide you some links but the youtube.com is down right now, but you should have already seen these anyway).

On another note, how many people do you think went to their mirrors after tonight's episode of South Park and chanted Biggie Smalls three times? And why was Princess Di in hell?

Also, I have tried to post the 24 Season 6 trailer, but I can't get the video to not autoplay. Very annoying. And with no youtube.com...maybe tomorrow.

It's the Little Things That Make Me Happy.

I was reading that Florida boosters want old man Bobby Bowden to retire because FSU(cks). They had this table listed:
All-Time Division I-A Coaching Victories/Losses
Coach	Wins	Losses	Ties
Bobby Bowden	363	110	4
Joe Paterno	359	120	3
Bear Bryant	323	85	17
Pop Warner	319	106	32
Amos Alonzo Stagg	314	199	35
LaVell Edwards	257	101	3
Bobby Bowden	363	110	4
Tom Osborne	255	49	3
Lou Holtz	249	132	7
Woody Hayes	238	72	10
Bobby Bowden	234	65	8
It's the little things that make me happy. Also, Austin has a man named Kinky running for Governor.
Good Times.

Sweetest Interview Ever

I was gonna post some depressing thing about Nebraska losing. Then I decided that that is not what I'm about (yes I used that twice in a row and you prolly had to read it a few times to see if it was correct or a typo).

Anyway, I love that Orca commercial, this is a prelude to it, when one of the guys is being interviewed. It is awesome.

Cards Win!

Again!

No pics yet - don't know if I'll find any that top the ones from the division series. But Suppan is the MVP? His stats this year were 12-7 with a 4.12 ERA. Really? He's the MVP. This is the same guy that gave up 10 runs in 3.1 innings to the miserable Braves in early July.

Good luck in the series. Try not to get swept again.

Seriously, though, you should win.

This Man Is Famous for Plugging Holes...

This is a United Way ad featuring Linebacker Jonathan Vilma from the J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS.

I couldn't find the video myself, so I downloaded it and put it on Google's YouTube.com myself (very easy to do by the way - However, I logged in with bugmenot so it's not actually my profile on the upload). Anyway, I enjoy this commercial everytime I hear it (its in the first line, so its not a big time consumer).



Nothing like continuing with a little low brow humor...

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

Someone Has Been In My Box!!!...Part 2

I found a clip! God bless you tube. The first few seconds will be really funny to quite a few of you.

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

It Is The Guy From The Geico Commercials

I laughed really, really hard at this commercial. You need sound.



You may remember this guy from the Geico commercials, the short lived comedy "Brothers and Sisters" and the other Holiday Inn commercials (like the ones with Joe Buck).

As always...

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

Someone's Been In My Box!!!

I finally got around to watching "The Nine" on Monday. It was pretty good - which, as a side note, further proves my "24" theory in which any show/movie that has a 24 character is going to be good (more on this in a later post).

Anyway, the highlight of the show is when Audrey's (that's her 24 name, I don't know her The Nine name) mom was complaining about someone having access to her safety deposit box. Only instead of saying that she kept said, "Someone got into my BOX! Someone has been in my BOX!" To which the principal from "Boston Public" said, "Mam, I can assure you no one has been in your BOX!"

Let me tell you principal/bank manager - someone had to get in her box, because Audrey is her daughter.

Hahahaha. I'm immature.

And with that - Happy Birthday, Ella.

Cardinals Win!

With my lovefest for The Departed last night, I forgot to comment on my boys the Cardinals. I'm a big STL fan, so this last month (really since about mid-June) has been rough. Fortunately everyone in the NL sucks worse.

Anyway, how can you not root for the Cards when you get pictures like this when they win:

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

Rooting for Leo

I grew up hating Leonardo DiCaprio. I rooted against him in movies. For instance, in Titanic I rooted against him - I yelled at him when he was floating in the water for not trading time on the door or swiming around to find another piece of wreckage.

But in "The Departed," I found myself rooting for him for the first time ever (I don't really count "Catch Me If You Can" because he went overboard after being initally cool). The Departed was really, really good.

Also, Chase Edmonds makes a cameo (playing the role of Berrigan) and anytime someone from 24 shows up you know its going to be good. Unfortunately, he is sporting a very bad haircut. It took forever to find it, but I found a mediocre shot of it - Chase is on the far left.



I won't spoil anything about the movie - because there are some really good plot twists - but it is well worth seeing.

This one isn't in the movie, it is just a bad haircut on Chase.

Good Times With My Dog

Many of you know I have a dog. She is about 4 and 1/2 months old and pretty freaking sweet. It has been fun teaching her tricks and stuff, but one of my favorite things to do with my dog is watch TV with her.

You see, my dog is still young enough that noises on TV still confuse her, so if a dog is barking or someone is knocking on the door, my dog perks up. Basically, this results in her just staring at the TV the whole time I watch it, which is a lot.

She also spent this morning barking at the mirror in my room. It woke me up, but it was kind of funny.

It may seem like something small, but it's good times.

Dog Humping

I have no comment for this video file - it is just funny.

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

Facebook Bush Leaguery

I have heard reports (and checked it out myself) that for some reason the Facebook.com does not allow YouTube videos to be posted in Notes. Essentially this means that when I post videos in my blog (and let Facebook import them), you can't see them.

That's bush league. They add a good feature, but don't let us really use it. I guess it prevents advertising.

Anyway, from now my posts will contain this small disclaimer on the bottom:

If you're seeing this in the Facebook.com, click the here or the "View original post" link on this page to see the video on my blog.

Just thought you should know.

The Human Torch Was Denied A Bank Loan...

...is a funny line from Anchorman; however, it is not in this clip. It is a funny Ron Burgandy clip that was not included in the movie, though.

ESPN Mobile KO'd

In some actual semi-interesting news - the world wide leader is killing their ESPN Mobile. This is more than a rumor - here is the actual Reuters link .

Its kind of disappointing, all things considered, I thought it was a cool idea, although a bit gimicky. I am going to miss some of the funny mobile commercials and instead of describing them, I've linked to a few of them.

Shawn Alexander:


Reggie Bush


Gatorade Pour:

This Guy Is A Trainwreck

Also, what the hell happened with the Huskers this weekend? Nothing like reminders of how bad we were last year on the O(h shit) line. Fortunately, ISU just about got taken out by a I-AA team, Colorado already has, KSU lost to a bad Baylor team and we already hold a 1-up on KU. So we pretty much just have to play like we did, beat everyone in the north and wait for Misery to implode when they visit us.

Get Off You High Horse

I know I just posted some questionable pictures of Chuck Woolery, but its time to pause for a second to ponder something serious.

"Get off your high horse!" is what my boy Pulvy has to tell my Jewish doctor friend, Nomar, but its also a derivation of a quote from a columnist I love to read, Jason Whitlock. The guy is based out of KC and up until last week he also worked for ESPN. He decided to leave to go work for AOL Sports (who knew there was an AOL Sports?). Big deal, right? Well, he was "fired" before his two weeks were up, and removed from all future connections with the world-wide leader because he decided to take some parting shots on a blog called The Big Lead. He would then address ESPN and his comments in his article in the KC Star.

Maybe he shouldn't have been so down and dirty, but a lot of what he said is really true. First, ESPN hates being bashed and second, Scoop is bush league. But what's more interesting is the things he says about letting "these clowns bojangle for dollars." - A very interesting read about his view of the African-American culture, writing and the deevolution of Page 2 (something I used to read religously and now I never check).

Anyway, its good stuff and Whitlock is pretty good if you get a chance to read him - he writes about KC stuff a lot which is cool too.

Chuck Woolery

Is the poor man's Bob Barker. But damnit I love Lingo. He is also a few years younger (he's 65) than old man Bob.

Anyway, why could you make the argument that Woolery is cooler than Bob Barker? Because when you google image search for Bob Barker, you get mostly worthless head shots, but when you search for Woolery, you get some of these gems...











Also, did you know he hosted the first season of the Wheel of Fortune (not counting the pilot). Impressive.

Weekend Football

You know what I like to do on the weekends - watch football. That's pretty much all I do all day on the Saturday and Sunday right now.

But you know what sucks - because I'm in Austin, I'm getting the Houston Texans game every week. It would be fine if they are good, but because they suck I'm getting a crappy game on TV every freaking week. Right now, the Texans are losing 31-7 early in the 4th quarter (and I'm watching old man Mark Brunnell have a brilliant day) instead of any of the other NFC games which are all within 7 points. That sucks. Thanks FOX.

Also, FOX Sports PPV coverage sucks. A couple times last night they didn't follow the ball (like on kickoffs or deep passes). Its like the camera guy forgot he was supposed to follow with the camera and not just his head. At least they stayed with Marlon on his big runs.

Finally, how bad does it suck to be a Michigan State fan. Not only do you have to worry about being a mediocre Big 11 team, but you also have to deal with the fact that your team is invariably going to choke away big leads in big games every time. I guess you can be happy that your games will always come down to the wire.

Also, the Texans just scored again, so now its 31-15. Awesome.

Good Times

I have well documented my hatred for the WNBA. I was once duped into watching a game - the very first one - for about 10 minutes. Then I realized it was crap. My problem is that its pretty hard for me to hate something that can make me laugh so hard, and every single time I watch this clip, I laugh a little bit harder.

White & Nerdy...

I was writing this blog and I had MTV's Parental Control on and the mom just grabbed the boyfriend's face and said "Listen to me: You are not getting in my daughter's pants anymore and you are not getting into my husband's pants anymore! You're out." This is before he's out, of course, but HOLY NUTS! He's not only hitting the daughter but the pops too?!? That's some crazy stuff.

Anyway, onto the main point of the blog - I tend to enjoy Senor Weird Al. Amish Paradise was one of my favorite songs that he remade. Well, after a long absence (which, to tell you the truth, was prolly good because people forgot how annoying he could be sometimes), he's back with an awesome new song "White & Nerdy" (a cover of "Ridin' Dirty").

Demarrio Williams Says:

"Obie Trice, Real Name No Gimic"

Remember that line from the beginning of that Eminem song? Anyway, Obie Trice is a real rapper that has had two cd's come out and do alright. Not a lot of pop appeal, but decent hip hop.

Why am I talking about him - because of this line from the song "All My Life."

"Girl I lay pipe to the right, pipe to the left, pipe all night, a pipe dream right"

Anyone that mixes pipe laying into the song (and brings back fond memories of my time at Memorial Stadium that I shared with my favorite real pipe layer, Demarrio - who spent "a few months laying pipe in the oilfields outside Beckville") is cool with me.

Music Companies...

Suck.

Universal, the biggest music company (and you know how everyone follows the big dogs), appears poised to try to take down You Tube (one of the all time greatest internet websites). Bastards.

See this link for more info.

Also, I almost said something about USC and Nebraska about 10000000 times last week, but I held back. Despite the loss, we didn't drop that far in the polls and at least we covered. On a side note, turns out those vegas guys are pretty smart though.

Will Ferrell = Genius

Except in the movie "Kicking and Screaming." You may not remember the movie - it came out about a year-and-a-half ago. It was kinda funny for the first 15 minutes and then it slowly got worse. Until it became unwatchable. In fact, it upsets me that I had this DVD sitting in my apartment for like 2 weeks (which I rented for free from my apartment complex) - I wish I would have just taken it back.

Granted there were some really funny lines in the first 10 minutes (and even a few sprinkled throughout the movie) and Ditka plays a main role in it, which is always a good time; however, Will is supposed to be a comedic genius. Obviously, Old School and Anchorman are awesome, Ricky Bobby was pretty funny and his role in Wedding Crashers (albeit small) is hilarious. So, what happened herrrrrre?

Looking at this from another perspective, why is it that after approximately 2 good movies, Mr. Ferrell makes some PG movie (remember Elf and Bewitched)? I have no read on this situation, and this needs to be fixed. We don't want this turning into another Adam Sandler situation where I don't even consider seeing his movies.

Anyway, avoid this movie (just go for clips if you must) unless you want to not laugh for 96 minutes or you really like Ditka and the old guy from Gone in 60 seconds.

Random Sporting News

Well, my fantasy QB's were awesome this weekend, throwing for 1 TD and 6 INTs, netting me an approximate total of 2 points. Well played. Douchebags. To top it off, the rest of my team forgot to show up as well and now I'm hoping my kicker can get me the win. Great way to start the season.

In news not surrounding my life as a fantasy GM, according to the Omaha World Herald, the Huskers want to beat USC. Awesome - thanks for the ground breaking reporting.

Also, a basketball recruit named, Sallie might not qualify. He is supposed to be pretty good, but his name is Sallie, so I'm not sure about him.

From a more positive spin, game day will be at NU-USC this weekend so that will be cool. Nice to get the home team some big time national coverage.

In Order To Pay For Mangina's Meals...

Kansas football is charging full price for tickets into the KU game? Bush. That's bush league. If I could punch Mangino without worry that my hand would get stuck in his fat belly I would. Okay, its not really Mangino's fault. But he is still a big boy.

Its bad enough that KU jacks up their prices anytime Nebraska comes there but now they want to charge 35 bones for infants? I can't wait until you get crushed in Lincoln this year. Bastards.

See Link Here:
Kansas Don't Love The Kids

Eiffel Tower...

Look at what picture of me turned up on the internets. Granted, I prolly put it on the facebook, but the new facebook has gone overboard. The damn new stuff makes it too easy for random people to find pictures of me at my finest. Not that I care. An Eiffel Tower is always a good time.

But seriously, just after I complemented the facebook, they go and do crap like telling me who joined what group, who ate who's box and how what pictures have been uploaded of random people that I don't even know. Damn you, Facebook. Damn you.

Comedy At Its Finest

I'm stealing this link from another website I read, so some of you may have seen this already.

Anyway, remember when music videos were overly serious and, at the same time, seriously awful. Now, when you look back on them they are HIlarious. Check out the video from Apache below.

Its Not Often That I Will Praise Newspapers...

Especially the Denver Post, but this writer got an awesome one from Javon Walker...

Bill Williamson, of the Denver Post, reports after watching the Green Bay Packers play their preseason game Monday, Aug. 28, Denver Broncos WR Javon Walker is very happy to be away from the Packers and with the Broncos. "Obviously, we have a chance to be a Super Bowl team," Walker said Wednesday, Aug. 30. "Obviously, they have a chance to win four games."


Well played, Walker, Denver Reciever.

My Blog On The Facebook?

I like to keep my blog one of my best kept secrets, so who knows how long I'll keep it on the Facebook.com. That said, well done, facebook. I'm impressed that you are allowing blog stuff now. Pretty sweet (albiet simple) stuff.

Even though I'm not in college anymore, you keep dragging me back, me back...

You Know What Makes Me Laugh?

Have you heard Pink's recent radio commercial? It is some blah blah commercial advertising her song "Who Knew?". Altoghether worthless, until right at the end when she says: "Who Knew?" from "I'm Not Dead." Who knew you weren't dead, indeed.

College Football

Did I mention college football? Check out this run - it is gonna be so much fun rolling the Big 12 North this year (I have seen too many goal posts come down over the last 4)...

Snakes on my 24

Sorry, I didn't realize that I would enter my annual college football coma earlier than I thought. Anyway...

Snakes on a Plane might just be one of the best movie theater experiences I have ever had. The movie was okay to good, but the theater was crazy. People were yelling and hissing. It was awesome, made seeing the movie totally worth while. It was easily the second rowdiest movie theater experience I have ever been to (behind a sceening of Baby Boy I once saw in San Antonio, easily one of the top "I'm a white minority right now and that's not good at all" moments of my life. Anyway, Sankes will be fun with a bunch of people in a goofy atmosphere or in a rowdy theater, not as a date movie.

Also, 24 the second time around is awesome - Bauer mystifies me and I think my hatred for the bad guys only grows the second time around.

Meanwhile, my new dog is trying to eat my lappy. Nothing like a crappy LCD screen.

More Preperation For The Snakes

Check out this video. It is the winner of a contest: Blanks On A Blank, where people were given a random animal on a random vehicle and told to make a movie about it. The winner was:

Racoons on a Space Shuttle

Snizil Izzles

I'm going to go see Snakes on a MOTHER FUCKING Plane tonight at 10. I'll have more for you later (prolly tomorrow) with a review.

Meanwhile, watch this interview where Jon Stewart acts like a teenage girl meeting Ashton Kutcher or someone like that.



Also, I might be getting a dog.

Something That Annoys Me...

...is this guy's picutre.



It's on that facebook flyer ad on the side. Not a great idea on the flyer, but I could care less about that. What I really don't like is that guy's face. I want to punch him. Hopefully, I will have that chance someday.

Grassyass

Thank you everyone for helping me have an excellent birthday and all of the Happy Birthdays. I don't even have anything funny to say.

Birthday

I turn 23 today - I'm not too old yet, but I'm getting there. The birthdays between 21 and 25 are just milemarkers until you can rent a car without paying a damn fee. Who can complain about cake and ice cream though. Your birthday may be the only day of the year where you can eat as much as you want and act like a jackass and get away with it.

Anyway, I know you're all asking, who is lucky enough to share a birthday with me?
- Charlize Theron (1975)
- David Duchovny (1960)

Well, that list isn't all that impressive (there's more people, I either just don't know who they are or don't know that their birthday is August 7th.), so I thought I'd share a message that aixfvjbeisr@msn.com sent me for my birthday:

Hey! 21/f I have cams/pix online at http://privatecamgirl.com if you want to chat sometime!

Exactly what I wanted. Thanks, aixfvjbeisr.

Pop Ice

I love pop ice - you know those long, thin popsicles that are frozen and full of sugary deliciousness. I could go on, but I believe that some random dude on the internet says it best (well, ok not best, but pretty good and I'm too lazy to write a better one):

One and a half ounces
of sweetness
of frozen, syrupy sweetness
slipping between my lips.

Cool this warm night;
numb my tongue
and turn it blue
or red
or green.

I cannot stop at one;
I have another
and soon,
brain freeze
forehead throbbing
yet I cannot stop.

Pleasure and pain
frosty and sugary
the freezer is empty
I'll have to buy more
Pop Ice.

Source:
An Ode to Pop Ice

Stephen Colbert...

...is one of the funniest men on television. That is all.

Colbert Vs. The Morning Shows:


Colbert & Lee Terry:

Random Sporting News

Thank God Barry Collier is leaving Nebraska. That could not have happened soon enough. Barry staying could have cost us a streaky Austrailian, (However, Barry reportedly had plans to go watch Maric and swim with him and another streaky Austrailian center, Luc Longley, in the Indian Ocean - so maybe they're on better terms), our best asset (White) and another spanking by Creighton, a school that loves to root against accept during football season. Anyway, good luck and good ridance.

I was gonna post this the other night and then all of the Bomar stuff came out. What an idiot. Turns out this might hurt my boys at NU indirectly as Iowa State might have a chance to beat Oklahoma this year. Might.

Speaking of Nebraska, fall camp started today and I am excited. More on this later, because this should be its own post.

Brian Finneran is hurt. Tore his ACL and is out for the season. Wait, who? Finneran, you know the 3rd string WR from Atlanta who was okay, but not great last year. However, now I know that I need to not draft him in the 11th round of my fantasy draft. That is why I love fantasy football.

I loved Harold Reynolds, specifically, the Harold Reynolds sound clip on the "Sports Bash" on ESPN radio. Both Reynolds and his sound clip will be sorely missed (I assume they can't play it anymore). Honestly, I hope it was differences with production and not sexual harrassment that got him fired. Not beacuse I don't want to think he's trying to score with the help but because I hope someone is standing up to ESPN and telling them how bad their programming is sometimes.

....And Jared Jefferies, 5-year $30 million? -Bush. League. I don't even like the Knicks - in fact I generally root against them. I have Isaiah Thomas' autograph on an all-star game hat from when I was younger. He has been slowly driving the value of that signiture into the ground. Bastard. Isaiah, if I see you in the streets, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey.

Car Alarms

Today I had a delicous Chipotle burrito for lunch. Actually, it was a burrito bowl. On a side note Tuesday and Wednesday are one of those buy a burrito get one free down the road deals at Chipotle.

I digress - I was full from my burrito bowl and was getting in the back of my friend's car (by the way: Happy Birthday, Ross), and the car next to me started beeping. I wasn't touching it, I wasn't even looking at it, I was just about two feet from it. Turns out, it was an annoying proximity alarm on a crazy suped (maybe it is souped?) up ghetto truck.

Who uses non-factory car alarms anymore? I mean, do they provide any value? If I hear a car alarm going off, I generally just swear at it because I am pissed off about it annoying me. I definitely don't run to my window, cell-phone in hand ready to call the cops, checking to see if someone is stealing it. Honestly, is there still a business for car alarms? When someone is ranking how they should spend their cash, where does proximity car alarm rank?

If you are wanting to add some crazy stuff to you car, let me help you out - don't get a freaking car alarm. Buy a DVD player or a GPS unit - something that will provide some benefit to you. If someone wants to steal your car, they're going to get it. A stupid proximity alarm isn't going to save it.

The Grizzly Man

I just watched a movie called "The Grizzly Man," a documentary starring Timothy Treadwell. And pretty much all I can think of is: "What? What an idiot! What a loser! Good! Good! More for you and me" (Chazz Reinhold).

Honestly, not to spit on a dead man's grave, but what in the hell was this guy thinking. "Uh, I'm gonna go chill with bears, beat them on the nose and hope I don't die." He also said at the end that no one else should do this or that they will "fucking die!" But he thought he was smarter than everyone else. Looks like he should have listened to my boy Dwight Schrute.



In the end, maybe Treadwell was a little crazy so you kinda feel bad for him, but if you want to watch a movie with a lot of humor (the whole movie is kinda like a potshot at Treadwell) you should check it out if your bored on a random afternoon.

The New Plan

My new plan is to post on here a couple times a week - pretty much whenever I have a good thought or two. It is gonna be a lot different than before - pretty much I'm gonna focus on whatever the hell is going on in my life - there probably won't be any consistent features.

Hope you enjoy.

MM